Please just lie to me -

and tell me it gets better... easier... not as hard... something!?!?!  I've read those blog posts on the net that talk about that it just gets different and that's fine... I sort of look forward to different at this point.  Right now I have a 15 month old and a 34 month old and I'm struggling.  Infact this morning I told DH I needed to go back to work fulltime.  While we initially thought putting our babies into daycare 40+ hours a week made us sad, I almost feel like they'd have more fun, and a better time at daycare than in my care.  And as a serious cop out, then I'd have less of the waking hours to have to discipline, how pathetic is that.

I think I was cut out to be pregnant, give birth and have a baby - after about 12 months... the whole euphoric feeling wears off and all that's left is a defiant toddler.  I love my kids more than life and hate feeling this way, but I'm not sure I'm even happy right now.  Will I be happier in 6 months?  When DC#2 can verbalize his wants easier?  When DC#1 listens better (I can hear the chorus of laughter), or when she atleast can respond to reason alittle more?  I don't know.  I'm wondering how you all do it long term.  It's still 3 years before DD goes to kindergarden.  And 4 for DS.

I get out for activities and playdates, I (like most moms) don't take enough time for myself but try.  I'm overwhelmed by all I have to do about 80% of the time and the other 20% I'm ignoring all of it for a few minutes of veg time infront of the TV to check out.

How do I get back that lovin' feeling?  Is it possible?  Am I just not cut out to be a stay at home mom to toddlers/kids (just babies)?  How sad it makes me to put my kids in daycare now, but not sure making them stay at home with me is better for them! )

Sorry for the sob story.  Just need support apparently!