CS Enforcement

2chatter · July 2013

Last October exh and I went to court, where he signed papers that he would pay CS monthly, with a hundred extra dollars on top to alleviate the arrears. If he failed to do so, a warrant would be issued for his arrest and he would serve 6 months in jail. The order places him on probation.

The CSE officer called me yesterday to ask me if I still would like to use enforcement services to collect CS. I said yes. They are issuing a warrant today. I told exh last night that this is happening and he needs to call CSE (they have called him numerous times, he ignores them). CSE wanted to know where he is living and I do not know. He is couch surfing. He did see the girls on Sunday for the day, but he gave up the rest of his summer time in July, neccessitating me to pay for a nanny for the girls and throwing them off a bit as they don't have a schedule with him. Luckily, the distraction of moving and a pool at the new house have made this much easier.

I am trying not to be freaked out about this. I am trying not to worry about what is going to happen. My choices are to either waive the over 20K in arrears and CS or continue with the enforcement process. I have not once called CSE asking them to do anything. This is the result of exh not living up to his own obligations. Exh does not understand that they are totally serious. A warrant is not a warning. WWYD?

Mrs.H. · July 2013

I would let the system do it's job.

Ilumine · July 2013

I would enforce the CS.

fellesferie · July 2013

This is hard, because I often reply to these types of posts by saying that I would not want to feel responsible for my child's parent going to jail.

In this case, I think you should just let it play out. He's not taking his time with the children anyway, and if you waive his obligations I think you would be seriously undermining yourself in the future. You're doing the right thing by letting him feel the natural consequences of his actions.

What (if anything) are you going to say to the girls?

2chatter · July 2013

DH just asked me "Do you think you are too involved with this?"

Exh called me because he deleted all the voice mails from CSE. He needed the CSE officer's name and phone number. I gave them to him.

Yes, DH, I am indeed too involved. But I have this thing called a conscience, and if I don't do everything I can to be who *I* am, and that includes, too kind, too forgiving and too helpful sometimes, then it becomes a real problem for me.

I am trying to just live my life consistently; doing nothing that departs from the basic values by which I live. This situation is testing my ability to think through these things. Felles, I always say the same thing! The emotional side of it is...challenging.

KTdidit · July 2013

I would let CS enforcement do their thing. I understand where you're coming from with wanting to give your ex the information so that he hopefully straightens things out. I've done that with my ex also. In my head it's easier that way. Without all the extra fuss with court and warrants and such. But I've learned that there comes a point when you need to let him feel the consequences. ALL of the consequences. Your ex signed the papers, he knew what was expected of him. He listened to all the voicemails and chose to ignore and delete them all. This is his doing and it's not your responsibility to clean it up for him or make it easier on him. He had plenty of chances already.

Lavender P · July 2013

I don't have a child with an X so take this for whatever it is worth. I'm sure it is hard because you are a good person and don't want harm to come to someone you cared about and is your children's father. However, if you let him slide on this, you are just one more person in a long line that has let him avoid responsibility. You have already done more than you are required to. You didn't make him go to jail. His lack of responsibility and concern for his children put him there.

CFjo2010 · July 2013

Mrs.H. said:

I would let the system do it's job.

This.

And I say that as someone who's DC owes over $20k in CS, and is struggling to get the CS agency to do anything to enforce or collect. They just refuse to follow through on the contempt charges and let him keep getting away with not supporting his kids. So if your CS agency is going to actually go after BD, by all means let them.

YOU aren't the one doing this. HIS actions (or lack thereof) have caused this mess. If you don't pay your credit card bills, they send you to collections. Then the collections agency can get a judgment against you for failure to pay. Then they can put a lien against your property and garnish your wages. And that's just for a frigging credit card bill. So why shouldn't BD feel the same pressure for failing to support his children? This has nothing to do with you. This is HIS problem.

2chatter · July 2013

Exh just called me....he said that the CSE guy told him that I am doing this, that I could stop it at any time. Nice. I told exh that yes, I could elect NOT to ask for any CS and this would end, but those are my choices - enforcement or NO CS. He said he hasn't gotten a job because he would have to work and would not see the girls on the weekends. BOO HOO! I work full time! And I have always worked with him so he can see the girls when he's not too busy with his hobbies, doing a couple nights in the middle of the week when needed, etc.

Of course, the CSE guy is giving him three months to pay now, so all this stress for....nothing.

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