Need advice

chocolatelover1 · July 2013

We are expecting our third in a couple of weeks and are team green this time around. We had agreed on a girl name of Ava Lea. Lea is after DH's mom who passed away last year. My mom has been fighting cancer for the past 18 months and we just found out a couple of weeks ago that it has returned. She is starting on chemo and radiation but the doctors aren't very confident the treatment will work. I am really close with my mom and I know it would mean the world to her if we used her name as the middle name. I haven't said anything to DH about wanting to change the name.Do you think that would be awful of me to ask if we could change it to Ava Elizabeth. I just know how much it would mean to my mom as she is going through this awful process.

Manderlin923 · July 2013

I am not usually a fan of two mns, but I would use both, or change the first name before taking his mother's name out of the equation.

Lea Elizabeth
Ava Elizabeth Lea or Ava Lea Elizabeth

or you could do Avonlea Elizabeth, and nn her Ava. Plus it has a literary connection.

katyb507 · July 2013

First and foremost, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this and I'll keep your mom in my thoughts. I'm not trying to be indecisive, but would you ever use 2 middle names? Ava Lea Elizabeth? It's a mouthful, but maybe an option. If not, I would at least ask your husband how he feels about it. I can't imagine he wouldn't understand where you're coming from and why you'd ask. Not to be cold, but your mom is here and will know the baby was named for her, whereas his mom has already passed. FWIW, I like Ava Elizabeth better anyway

Good luck!!!

JuniperGaze · July 2013

I kind of like a double FN, Ava Lea, and Elizabeth as a MN? I think it is very sweet to want to use both mothers' names. If you are set against using both names, maybe wait on Lea and save it for another possible daughter? I am so sorry you are going though this.

talanswife · July 2013

I am so sorry your mom and your family is going through this! What about using Elizabeth Lea? Elizabeth is a beautiful name with a ton of nicknames so you could call her by something else on a daily basis if you wanted to, and you would still be able to honor both of your moms.

LtlAngL · July 2013

Very sorry about everything going on with your mom, and I understand why you would want to honor her by naming your daughter after her. My DH's mom passed away too, and we are planning on giving a potential daughter his mom's FN as her MN as well. I know it would absolutely crush him if I wanted to do otherwise.

That said, how attached are you to Ava? Ella has a similar sound and is a less literal way of naming your daughter after mom...how about Ella Lea?

moonfaerie · July 2013

I'm so sorry for what your mom and your family are going through.

I really like using a double mn, Ava Lea Elizabeth.

StickyBaby · July 2013

I am sorry you are going through this, I hope that your mother recovers and is around to enjoy this little one.

I like the Idea of Ava Elizabeth Lea

diamondduck13 · July 2013

I am sorry to read of what your family is going through.

I think it would be hard to "take away" his recently deceased mom's name you agreed to, although I fully understand your motives.

I dislike double middle names, but if there was a time it was appropriate, this would be it. Or you could drop the Ava. In other words, I suggest Ava Lea Elizabeth or Elizabeth Lea as PPs suggested.

jburdet1 · July 2013

I know a little girl DD's age that is Ava Lee (double first name) and I think it's cute, so I vote Ava Lea Elizabeth or Elizabeth Lea.

queenbone · July 2013

If his mother has already passed away and he wants to use her name I would not suggest changing to something else ever. I have never been emotionally ready to use my deceased father's name, but I'd be super pissed at my DH if he suggested changing to something else if he had already agreed to using it. She's already dead, don't kill her name for him all over again.

I hate cancer. I hope your mom kicks cancer's mother effing ass.

queenbone · July 2013

katyb507 said:

First and foremost, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this and I'll keep your mom in my thoughts. I'm not trying to be indecisive, but would you ever use 2 middle names? Ava Lea Elizabeth? It's a mouthful, but maybe an option. If not, I would at least ask your husband how he feels about it. I can't imagine he wouldn't understand where you're coming from and why you'd ask. Not to be cold, but your mom is here and will know the baby was named for her, whereas his mom has already passed. FWIW, I like Ava Elizabeth better anyway

Good luck!!!

Damn, that IS some cold hearted s___! I'm going to assume that you don't have much perspective on grief, and for that you should consider yourself very grateful. His mother has very recently passed and I imagine the grief is still very fresh for him. I cannot imagine any scenario where telling someone his mother doesn't count because she's already dead and won't know the difference. That is some seriously effed up logic you have. Shameful.

Knelson84 · July 2013

I'm so sorry to hear and like PP I agree that you should consider using both. I also like Ava Lea as a double first name and Elizabeth as a mn.

I think it would be beautiful to include both names xx

chocolatelover1 · July 2013

Hi Ladies,
Thank you so much for all your kind words about my mom.. It has been a really rough year for our family and the thought of our kids losing both grandmothers in one year is just heartbreaking. I am not a fan of double middle names either but I think I might suggest it and see if he likes the idea.

bregan2012 · July 2013

I love names that come from family members, using his mother's name and your mother's name is very important. I was named after two of my mother's aunts... "Meg" and "Ann"... therefore, Megan. Best of luck with choosing a name and I'll definitely keep your family in my thoughts.

katyb507 · July 2013

queenbone said:

katyb507 said:

First and foremost, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this and I'll keep your mom in my thoughts. I'm not trying to be indecisive, but would you ever use 2 middle names? Ava Lea Elizabeth? It's a mouthful, but maybe an option. If not, I would at least ask your husband how he feels about it. I can't imagine he wouldn't understand where you're coming from and why you'd ask. Not to be cold, but your mom is here and will know the baby was named for her, whereas his mom has already passed. FWIW, I like Ava Elizabeth better anyway

Good luck!!!
Damn, that IS some cold hearted s___! I'm going to assume that you don't have much perspective on grief, and for that you should consider yourself very grateful. His mother has very recently passed and I imagine the grief is still very fresh for him. I cannot imagine any scenario where telling someone his mother doesn't count because she's already dead and won't know the difference. That is some seriously effed up logic you have. Shameful.

I'm going to put this simply - don't be a bitch. I wasn't trying to be mean and you're only trying to stir up sh*t. If you want to reply to this, send me a PM and I'll be happy to engage this conversation privately.

MrsWiseone · July 2013

What about Eliza Lea? Or ava lea beth? Or Elizabeth lea and save ava for another.

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