February 2013 Moms
newmompeanut
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NBR - open door policy?
newmompeanut
member
My SO and I are having a large disagreement about this right now so I was curious if this is typical in your household.
We live very close to her whole family (like all members are less than 10 minutes away). Many of her family members have an open door policy where anyone is allowed to come and go from your house whenever they please. I've never grown up like this, but it's normal to her. My compromise is that her family just gives a heads up that they are on their way. She believes that this makes everyone feel unwelcome in our home.
So my question is... what's your policy for family members stopping over? Is it normal for family members to stop over unannounced? How often are you seeing family members?
We live very close to her whole family (like all members are less than 10 minutes away). Many of her family members have an open door policy where anyone is allowed to come and go from your house whenever they please. I've never grown up like this, but it's normal to her. My compromise is that her family just gives a heads up that they are on their way. She believes that this makes everyone feel unwelcome in our home.
So my question is... what's your policy for family members stopping over? Is it normal for family members to stop over unannounced? How often are you seeing family members?
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Re: NBR - open door policy?
My parents would never stop by unannounced, but DH's parents do on occasion, which drives me kind of nuts, since like Justinlove we have an excitable dog. And most of the time, even when they do give us notice, it's like half an hour, max. Does not sit well with my borderline Aspergian [is that a word?? It is now!] need to have my day planned out. Last minute changes tend to create more than a little inner turmoil, though I've gotten better at concealing it.
Although at least the in-laws do ASK if it's a good time when they call ahead, rather than just informing us that they're coming over. It's just that I feel funny about telling them no unless we're actually not home, so even when it ISN'T a particularly good time, I say yes and then try to act like I'm not completely thrown off by the change o plans.
A lot of times I will just pass DD off to them and take advantage of the time to go clean or something. I get to accomplish something, and making my surroundings more organized helps make the panic go away. [Ha. Anyone remember the last FFFC when I mentioned my OCD? This is a prime example of it in action. At least my compulsions are productive!!]
Personally, I love this setup. If I need a moment without the baby to run errands or whatnot, I just go up there and plop baby in her lap, lol. It helps that she is head-over-heels in love with the baby :P
Now, my stepfather-in-law is another story. He mostly keeps to himself, and has literally never held baby even once. He always knocks/asks if he can come inside our house for any reason. He won't even come inside if we aren't home to ask. If he just walked in like MIL, I would be very upset about it and honestly don't know how I'd handle that one. Maybe just politely ask him to knock next time.
I hope you find something that works, I hate it when families have disagreements, especially about levels of personal comfort. That is difficult. (I, personally, think it is ridiculous that asking them to knock would make them feel unwelcome)
ETA: My closest family member is over 450 miles away, so they would never imagine not calling first. Though, if any of my family lived next to me like MIL does, I would tell them to call first. I wouldn't do well with my mother randomly running over with a cat asking me to help her wash it, lol...
First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013
BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014
All of our family is at least 30 minutes away, so it's not quite the same for us, but when I was little we lived 10 minutes from my grandparents and my mom would bring us by all the time unannounced. Sort of the opposite of your situation - my grandparents only came to our house for birthdays or holidays.
I think you have to do what you are comfortable with. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for a quick phone call or text message saying, "Hey, we are going to drop by in 20 minutes, okay?" If they need a reason, reference what happened last night. Or you could make it really awkward and say "SO and I like to spend "personal" time together quite often...wouldn't want you to walk in on anything." ;-)
If someone wants to come by, they just need to call ahead. I want to be prepared to answer the door. I don't usually answer it if I'm alone and not expecting anyone. And I want to be sure that I'm not in the middle of feeding my daughter, or in some ratty old pajamas. I also grew up in a house where no one just showed up unannounced. I think it's common courtesy to give a heads up.
Eta: The only person allowed to stop by and let herself in is my Mom, but she only does that during the day when she knows my husband is a work and I usually have an idea that she's on her way.
This is exactly how my SO feels. It's just so foreign to me that it's incredibly uncomfortable. It's good to hear that someone else's family operates the same way her's does!
I have a Daughter born 2/26/2013. She is pretty much amazing!