Third-Party Reproduction Weekly Check-In!

2MamazInSeattle · July 2013

This weekly check-in is for anyone using/considering or who has used a 3rd party method of reproduction, including: Donor egg, donor sperm, embryo adoption, gestation carrier, or surrogate - also Donors, GC's and surrogates as well!

Lots of activity on the board last week! Thanks everyone for keeping our community strong! Three BFPs this week - I know we've all been waiting for some good news - and our active egg donor got matched (making for a very happy couple out there somewhere!). Big hugs go out to our friends happywifemomofone who got some difficult test results on her baby, Sam18iamiam who got a BFN, and Brooklynesque, we're all still so bummed you got cancelled. ((hugs)) all around.
Check-In Week of July 29
1. What's new in your process? How are you doing/feeling?
2. Tell us a few things that attracted you to your donor(s), GS, adopted embies, etc. - or, if you don't have a donor yet, what are your top/ideal criteria? For those of you matched already, what did you have to give up (if anything)? For GS/Surrogates, what do you hope in terms of contact with your IPs? Did you have any hopes/preferences for your IPs?

((Hugs)) Happywifemomofone - ((hugs)) that your testing on baby comes back ok. sam18iamaim - DS IUI - BFN

((hugs)) Brooklynesque – Second round of hugs for you - glad for your new donor! New BFPs & Other Good News! Ceemonkey - DE/DS IVF#3 was a success! BFP!!! Congrats CeeMonkey! ArgyleBride - Egg Donor - Matched to intended parents!!! 2MamazInSeattle – DE/DS FET#1 was July 18, BFP!!! Beta #2 on Monday. LittleLady77 – Fresh DE was July 23, HTP said BFP!!! Beta 8/2 (+9 frosties!!) In the TWW! orangemell2012 - DE on 7/7 - in the TWW! Good luck!! Currently Cycling/Scheduled MrsT4 – DE FET#1 – waiting on calendar for late August FET! Stinkerbell6879 – Fresh DE IVF schedled for 9/2/13! Lacyj67 – DE IVF#1 ER in July and FET on 9/3/13. GoaliesWife123 - DS - IUI planned for September! KateBee – Gest. Surrogate – Matched! ET for late Aug/early Sept.! Meck716 - DS - IUI #1 will be between Aug 28-31. Waiting to Cycle Brooklynesque – DE IVF #1 - Waiting for new calendar after July cancel. Liz4Paws – Embryo Adoption; 5 Embryos Officially Adopted!! FET ~Aug. Sammer 818 – Gestational Carrier; Surrogate identified! Pre-cycle testing. BeckyP005 – Fresh DE; waiting for donor availability. mm29 - DE; Started process at SDFC in July 2013. DoublePortion – Embryo Adoption; waiting for availability. Km672 – Fresh DE/DS; signing consents 7/22! Cycle likely in October. klaganza – DE - In process of choosing egg donor. Katie_71208 – DE – Reviewing donor options! Firesiren – DS – FET planned for fall timeframe. Faithita – DE - On the RE waiting list! Ladyrader0227 – DE FET after reduction of BMI ~Aug/Sept. Meljam13 – Using traditional surrogate (using OS) after Oct. Jen12573 – Embryo Adoption - getting started end of July! poohniki – DS selected; DE is on the table; pre-testing, considering Natural IVF or IUI with DS. GetwickMom – meeting about using a surrogate! katmarso - DE with known donor planned. Welcome to you! Pregnant! AmCheri – DE – EDD 6/16/13 – Girl! JM1977 – DE/DS – EDD 10/9/13 – Boy! Firefly062 – DS - EDD 10/10/13 – Boy! IndianaSunshine – DE – EDD 11/20/13 – Boy! Melkel559 – DS – EDD 12/10/13 – Gender ? Happywifemomofone – DE – EDD 12/23/13 – Gender ? Kaf8278 – DE – EDD 12/31/13 – Gender ? Moonaggie – DE – EDD 1/2/14 – Boy! Jms1374 – Embryo Adoption – EDD 1/14/14 Strunella – DE – EDD TBD (5 weeks as of 5/28/13) Udc22 – DE – EDD TBD – Twins!! Aputter05 – DS IUI on 5/30/13 – EDD TBD. BabyVDM – DE FET#1 – Positive beta results on 7/11! - EDD TBD. Ceemonkey - DE/DS IVF#3 was July 12th - BFP! - EDD TBD. 2MamazInSeattle – DE/DS FET#1 was July 18 - EDD 4/4/14 Parenting WeBelieveInMagic – 10-month-old son from DS + a 3-yr-old bio son Jcath – 20-month-old identical twin girls from DE + 2 bio sons JM1977 – 21-month-old DD from DE/DS (also currently pregnant) Strudel82 – 1 year-old DD twins from DE (also currently GC) Hooliface – 1 year-old DD from DE Donors/GC’s/Surrogates Strudel82 – GC - EDD 1/15/14 - Gender ? ArgleBride – Egg Donor – Approved in mid-July!! Waiting to be matched! Considering Third Party sharon216 - Considering DE.

LittleLady77 · July 2013

It is so weird seeing my name under the BFP section! It is still so early it just doesn't feel real and I'm terrified ALL.THE.TIME. We just adored our donor. For us the must haves were age (under 25), coming across as honest and real (no modeling shots and substance in her answers), pretty, athletic, college student, driven and ambitions. We had to give up her really looking like me but we felt personality is so much more important. Now that I've met her I just know we made the right choice.

laurag1986 · July 2013

Hi all, Today I just purchased more sperm. We just switched donors and are going onto our fifth ds iui. This time I'm feeling hopeful with our new donor and taking a break has helped me mentally prepare more this time around. I'm just waiting on cd 1 then I will be taking 150mg of clomid on cd 3-7. I will also be doing acupuncture this time around as we'll. cd 1 should be here in another day or so. What attracted us to our donor was intellect and that money wasn't the driving factor in donating, also not under 160 lbs, and looked either like my husband or my brothers

Sharon216 · July 2013

First off, thank you for including me in the weekly updates! I've found this board to be extremely helpful and supportive. DH and I still haven't made any definite decisions about using a DE. My new RE wants us to come in for CD3 testing whenever my next cycle starts. In the mean time, I'm working on the process of getting a refund on the IVF package we purchased to use at my old clinic.

T&Ps to all of you!!

happywifemomofone · July 2013

We has our u/s last Tuesday, baby is growing as expected and NO markers for DS were seen!! We found out that we are having a BOY!!! It's been a challenging week for us, we helped bring home my husband's grandmother on home hospice on Friday and she passed away at home yesterday. We were looking for a donor with a family resemblance and she had to be a proven donor. I think our donor looks more like my sister than me, but her childhood pics could easily be mistaken for my nieces. We really wanted a college grad. Our donor completed a medical transcription course of study, but never sought to complete college. She does have siblings that have completed college. We want our child to want to go to college......as we know that we will be retirement age and we think that college is the key to being self supporting in your 20s.

brooklynesque · July 2013

Hi, ladies!

Happywife, so glad to hear your LO is looking good.

LittleLady and 2Mamaz: Still so happy for you guys!!

Hi to everyone else!

I'm hanging in there. I don't think I'll know the date of my next cycle for a few more weeks so I'm trying to chill. Easier said than done.

We chose our new donor because she is proven, educated, entrepreneurial, adventurous (world traveler + has lived abroad), a good writer (judging from her essay answers), has a big warm smile, and looks *enough* like me (though not nearly as much like me as our original donor). She's also my exact height, a similar weight and body type, and even the same blood type (not that I was really placing any weight on blood type). She was also listed with our original agency which is nice because that means we don't have to pay another agency fee -- she was the only other donor there whom we loved, and others were also interested in her, which is why I decided to reserve her right away rather than see what happened with the original donor. She wasn't listed yet when we chose the other one so it's possible I would have chosen her originally, given the chance. Hard to say.

melkel559 · July 2013

Hi ladies!!

We had our A/S last week and found out we're having a boy!! We are super excited and thrilled that baby is looking healthy and is growing appropriately.

What attracted us to our donor was looks, since we did photo matching and he resembles DH, intelligence, great medical history and personality. We tried our best to match DH as closely as possible but at the same time I am a firm believer in nurture when it comes to nature vs nurture..I am adopted and am so like my parents! Not on the looks end necessarily but def when it comes to personality.

GL to all of you! Congrats to the BFPs and hugs all around!

BeckyP005 · July 2013

At our clinic we do not see any type of picture. We put down for some criteria that we wanted a proven donor, educated and good medical history.

Our clinic chooses a few donors for us and we see if we like any. I guess when I start looking at the profiles I will look at other things like her hobbies..etc.

liz4paws · July 2013

1. What's new in your process? How are you doing/feeling?

Today I'm hopeful. The donor clinic finally confirmed to our donor that they have everything they need to ship. I emailed my embryologist on Friday with the news. She's returning to work from being off, and I hope she sees it today. If not, I'll be calling her in a few hours lol. I REALLY hope they tell her they are ready to ship and we can get a ship date. I'm on the edge of my seat!

2. Tell us a few things that attracted you to your donor(s), GS, adopted embies, etc. - or, if you don't have a donor yet, what are your top/ideal criteria? For those of you matched already, what did you have to give up (if anything)? For GS/Surrogates, what do you hope in terms of contact with your IPs? Did you have any hopes/preferences for your IPs?

When we first decided to pursue embryo adoption, we did a lot of research and had a lot of discussion around open vs closed adoption. I just felt like an open adoption was "right". After we met up with our first donor on babycenter and adopted embryos and built that relationship, it sealed the deal that open was the way to go for us. After we miscarried and lost most of our first embryos, we got into contact with another woman who was interested in knowing the recipients of her embryos. She felt like we were a good match for a few reasons, one of which is that my physical traits resemble hers. Her children could pass for our children with no questions asked! She felt like this was a good thing for the children's well-being, and while I would have been happy with children of any physical makeup, she knows what she's talking about having adopted an older child who doesn't look as much like her genetic children. Her personality reminds me of mine as well - very strong, determined, and has a kind heart. I just adore her and I feel like she was placed into this picture for a reason. I'm lucky to have both of my donors through this, and for me to have a relationship. They are like the sisters I never had.

GetwickMom · July 2013

So happy for all the BFPs- IF sucks and its so nice to have rays of sunshine to hold onto.

1) Update: we're meeting our surrogate coordinator tomorrow morning! I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I really want her to "like" us because I feel like she'll try really hard to get us a match ASAP. I know it's kind of a silly thought, but it's there.

2) QOTW: We've been giving this some thought. Fundamentally she needs to be healthy, responsible, stable and willing to carry our baby. We don't feel the need to have a close personal relationship with her, but we're open to that should it happen. I'd feel more comfortable if she doesn't live in Johannesburg proper because the crime is ridiculous. Lastly she needs to basically educated and well spoken. She doesn't need to be Shakespeare or something, but we want someone who understands her body well and is capable of raising issues or problems with her doctor in an effective way.

sammer818 · July 2013

I'm so excited to see all of the happy news on this board!! It's a great way to start a Monday!!

Update: We are moving forward with more pre-cycle testing and slowly but surely checking things off of our "To Do" list. We hope to be able to schedule a meeting with the lawyer in the next two weeks to start getting the legal contract drawn up.

QOTW: The real thing that attracted us was that she offered to do it. We are also on board with our current GS because she doesn't want to be super involved in our lives after the baby. I have no problems keeping in touch and sending updates and pictures and whatnot, but the first GS we met wanted to be very close friends before she would even agree to carry our baby (and that was through an agency). DH and I were unwilling to become someone's friend (and pay them an exuberant amount of money) just so they would have our baby. We are open to a relationship developing but we didn't/don't want it to be forced. We didn't like the pressure of having to have some great and meaningful friendship before we started things. With our current carrier, I know her but she doesn't have great expectations about becoming best friends through this experience.

ArgyleBride · July 2013

Hi all! I was matched with a couple this week. It looks like we will start cycling as soon as AF comes, which will be any day now.

As for what drew me to my IP, or them to me--I know nothing about them. The "matching" is entirely one-sided; they pick me, I pick no one. It is a leap of faith on my part. But I am not losing sight of the whole point behind this exercise, which is to help parents have a badly-wanted child. I am not naive. I know there is a possibility that this child is not going to be born into a good family--I have seen child abuse, and I cannot pretend it doesn't exist. But I also know it's rare, and I know that these parents *want* this child, and badly enough to go through a lot. This is what keeps me feeling that I am doing the right thing, even though it means trusting people I will never know. It is not my normal personality to let go, and trust so much, but this time I feel the truth rather than deducing it.

MrsT4 · July 2013

So happy to hear about the recent BFP's....hopefully there will be many more in the weeks and months to come!

My Update: I'm feeling nervous/anxious, as I get closer to my baseline check (next Monday). I've had some spotting, which my RE confirmed is totally normal while on BCP's and Lupron...but was new to me, so I wanted to make sure.

QOTW: The main criteria I used to select my egg donor was someone young (under 25), ideally a proven donor, with a good medical history, college-educated and at least some physical similarities to me (eye and hair color). Since I was able to see pictures (both baby and adult), it turns out that we look nearly identical in some of our baby pictures, which was very comforting to me. It helped take away a lot of my fears of having a child that would not resemble me at all. The "only" thing I gave up was choosing someone with the same exact ethnic background, but that seems so minor now, considering all of the other characteristics I wanted were in fact met or exceeded.

ArgyleBride · July 2013

Sammer--What a horrible situation! I can only imagine feeling like you had to perform and be somebody's friend, or no baby for you! Ugh. What's so wrong with classic courtesy, why must we all be bosom buddies as well?

Km672 · July 2013

Woo hoo!! So much very good news on this board!

HUGE Congrats to CeeMonkey, Little Lady & 2Mamaz! I am so very happy for you all-

Happywife- So relieved to hear your u/s went well! Congrats on being Team Blue!!

Becky-I do hope you get some profiles soon, try to hang in. This is the worst part, the waiting absolutely sucks...but you will get there.

Liz-So very happy to hear your little embies are close to shipping! Can't wait until your precious cargo is well on it's way!!

MrsT- Best of luck at your baseline. Let us know how it goes next Monday. I am so glad you are finally about to cycle!!

Brooklyn- I feel like you and I are in similar positions right now. We too have our donor and the logistics figured out, but are waiting...I was told I will be starting BC with my next period, but we won't have any official dates until that happens. I am more than antsy at this point.

------------------------------------------

UPDATE: Had my CD3 blood work done Sunday morning, which has all come back normal, for which I am grateful. (It kind of irritates me that my FSH is still 5.8, I really wish they hadn't told me, it's really irrelevant at this point)

QOTW: We initially started using donor material with DS a year ago. We wanted someone with physical traits similar to my H and athletic. (My DH is extremely athletic and into sports). We also used a proven donor and someone with Identity Release, if needed. We are planning to use this same sperm donor for our DS/DE cycle.

I had a much more difficult time choosing an egg donor than I had thought I would. Initially, we only wanted to use a proven donor. I really didn't 'like' any of the proven donors. After our 1st egg donor was MIA, I thought I would have a really hard time finding a new donor.

Our 2nd donor was not available the 1st time we had picked our donor. I'm sure we would have gone with her initially if she had been. The first thing that stood out is that me and my H are the exact same ethnicity (half Italian, half Irish) and we are often told that we look very much alike. She is the same ethnicity and she is taller and thinner than I am (why not give our kids great genes?)!, she looks like us. She is willing to meet a child if they should choose to do so. She has an excellent personal and family medical history. She is college educated, athletic and seems very motivated, intelligent and has an optimistic outlook on life. There really isn't anything I don't like about her. She is perfect and I am so grateful we found her.

jms1374 · July 2013

Update: Appt this Thursday where we will likely schedule our anatomy scan for end of August. We got a home doppler last week and found the heartbeat on our own several times now. I can't describe how awesome that was and reassuring as well. I have also started feeling a little bit of movement off and on but can't wait for that definitive kicking where I don't think it is all in my head!

QOTD: Our match came about so naturally. We had been in contact with a few people donating embryos, but weren't feeling comfortable with how restrictive they wanted to be about who we were, how we lived, etc. Then our donor reached out to us and it just felt like this was how we were meant to have our children. We wanted this open and to feel like family, but still be "the parents". We didn't have any specific requirements on physical characteristics, but know from seeing our donors other children that our baby will likely be blonde/blue-eyed which is so common in my family.

Lacyj67 · July 2013

Hi all! Loved reading all your posts and I hope the best works out for all of us in the months to come!
Update is my nephew who's been visiting is going home wed. Then next tue aug 6th is my first depot lupron shot for my first FET and first vag cam appt. for this FET too. Ready to get this lining ready!!!
Qotw:
We kinda got the idea of our donor sprung on us and when I saw her picture and read her profile I knew that debbie our RE nurse knew exactly what she was doing pairing us with her. We both are hairstylists and very artsy. We are exact height and weight. Same eye color and she has darker hair and olive skin where I'm pale and blonde so kinda excited for my maybe baby to get a good tan! Lol
And most if all the note she wrote as to why she wanted to be a donor and what she said about being a mom was amazing!!!

GoaliesWife123 · July 2013

I've been MIA because I was volunteering with Make-A-Wish for the last week! Anyway, congratulations to all of the new BFP's! For anyone with a BFN, I'm so sorry and I know it will all work out.

As for me: I'm currently on CD 14 and hoping for a positive opk. This will help us determine when to try our first AI next cycle. We are so excited about starting to finally TTC. We have been planning and charting for a year! I "usually" ovulate around day 15-16, so it should be any day now. We will be doing an unmedicated, at-home AI for the next cycle, which should be the very end of August/Early September.

Exciting!

BabyVDM · July 2013

Hey ladies! I've been waiting to update once I had my first scan.

I have been spotting again and cramping and was certain it was another mmc. So certain, I cried all night, and in the waiting room and then in the exam room during the abdominal u/s and in the bathroom when I went to empty my bladder. I was shaking and trying to hold myself together when we proceeded with the transvag u/s. And then I really started to cry.

2 gestational sacs, 2 babies and 2 heartbeats! Everyone is measuring right on track and looking good.

I have a sch which I guess explains the cramping and spotting. I'm not sure what it means yet as I am waiting to hear back from the doctor who has yet to receive the results of my exam. I suspect it's time to take it easy and rest. I pray it's nothing to worry about.

But for now, me and as my DH referred to them "The Minions" are a-ok.

follow -up u/s in 2 weeks.

P

brooklynesque · July 2013

Baby VDM: Wonderful update! Congrats!!

ArgyleBride · July 2013

Oh wow! Wonderful news! You should start a new thread for that

poohniki · July 2013

1. What's new in your process? How are you doing/feeling?

Just had my genetic counseling appointment for using DS. Serious waste of time since there was no information on him other than he was negative for what they screen for. Now I wait for AF- (who should be arriving at 3pm on Thursday or else it counts as the next day for my RE)

2. Tell us a few things that attracted you to your donor(s), GS, adopted embies, etc. - or, if you don't have a donor yet, what are your top/ideal criteria? For those of you matched already, what did you have to give up (if anything)?

Well, as I mentioned before, I was seriously concerned about finding a suitable DS because my husband and I both have green eyes and O blood type, so that was something I couldn't shake off. I tried, but I just couldn't. I did the search myself and I felt that my husband was expecting me to find the perfect match, so I was so anxious about it. I found someone who's baby picture looked like my husband, worked in a similar field, and blue-green eyes with O blood type... anything so that my husband felt good about the choice. My husband later revealed that he would have been ok with not having the perfect person, but I still think he expected me to find it.

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