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XP - open door policy?

newmompeanutnewmompeanut member
in LGBT Parenting
This was also posted on the February 2013 board.

My SO and I are having a large disagreement about this right now so I was curious if this is typical in your household.

We live very close to her whole family (like all members are less than 10 minutes away).  Many of her family members have an open door policy where anyone is allowed to come and go from your house whenever they please.  I've never grown up like this, but it's normal to her.  My compromise is that her family just gives a heads up that they are on their way.  She believes that this makes everyone feel unwelcome in our home. 

So my question is... what's your policy for family members stopping over?  Is it normal for family members to stop over unannounced?  How often are you seeing family members?
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Re: XP - open door policy?

  • unoriginalunoriginal member
    I wouldn't be able to handle people just showing up unannounced.  It would drive me crazy!  I don't think it is a horrible thing to ask people to call with a heads up if they are coming over.  

    My parents live less than 5 minutes away and we are all very close.  We see each other often (when I am working they watch LO so she is there everyday) but they never stop by unannounced nor do I do that to them.  
    It took 7 IUIs but it was totally worth it!
    12/14/10~~~2:05 pm~~~10lbs 9oz~~~22 in
    image

    Only 2 tries this time!
    11/4/13~~~9:22 am~~~7lbs 2oz~~~19 1/4 in
    image





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  • lbugherlbugher

    One word, two syllables: Boundaries.

    I'm close to my family, too, and would happily host anyone for any period of time they'd like (or need) in my home.  Same goes for DP's family.  That being said, our home is our space.  We love our privacy, we love our order and serenity, and having people show up unannounced (even my own mother) would drive me nuts.  What if I'm in my kitchen, pantsless, drinking a beer and frying chicken in a pan, and my brother walked in?  Awk-waaaaaaaard!

    That being said, every family is different.  Hopefully your partner will understand where you're coming from.  My partner would skin me alive if we had an open-door policy lol...

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  • GoaliesWife123GoaliesWife123 member
    lbugher said:

    One word, two syllables: Boundaries.


    This!!!!

    TTC our first. Married to, and madly in love with, my beautiful wife. Living with our fur baby and enjoying 19 nieces and nephews. 
    • DW and I have been tracking, preparing, getting medical testing since January 2013.
    • First Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm 08/02/13: BFN
    • Second Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm 09/11/13, 09/13/13, 09/15/13: BFN
    • Third Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm: 10/13/13, 10/15/13, 10/17/13, 10/21/13: BFN
    • January 2014: Sonohysterogram shows excellent lining & tubes have no blockages
    • Fourth Cycle:  Monitored clomid cycle  w/ ICI's at home: 1/24/14 and 1/25/14. Ovulation verified:  BFN
    • Fifth Cycle: 02/2014 Femara 5mg with ovidrel trigger CD14: BFN
    • Taking a few months off to evaluate if we want to keep trying


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  • firstcomeslove2013firstcomeslove2013 member
    We live really close to my sister and her family. I watch my neice during the day and we are often over at each other's homes. We are also buying the house next door to theirs. My family is obviously very close and we don't have many boundaries. C's family is close but hold more boundaries than my family.

    I definetly think that this is a conversation you need to have with your partner and you need to set your own rules. I know I would be sad if C made me limit when my family could be at our house...

    Queer coupled and having a BABY with the love of my life! Love my life and wouldn't have it any other way!
    First IUI 1/22/2013 BFN: 2/7/2013, Second IUI 2/21/2013 BFN: 3/9/2013, Third IUI 4/23/2013 BFN: 5/8/2013, Fourth IUI 5/24/2013 BFN: 6/7/2013, Fifth IUI 6/24/2013 BFN: 7/8/2013

    C began IUI's
    7/23/2013 C's first IUI BFN, 8/21/2013 C's second IUI BFN , Took a break in September and October, 11/05/2013 C's 3rd IUI (TWW...we meet again...) BFN, Took off the month to switch to an RE. 01/01/2014 C's 4th IUI...BFP!!!!!!!! Beta #1- 17, Beta #2- 34, Beta #3-140....  6W Ultra-Sound Reveals nothing in Gestation Sack... Natural M/C at 7W, 2/3/2014

    03/21/2014 IUI #10...BFP!!! Beta #1- 48, Beta #2- 416, Beta #3- 1018. GROW BABY GROW!!!

    1st Ultrasound 4/22/2014 Baby Squints is PERFECT! Measuring at 6w2d with a heartbeat of 129. EDD: 12/12/14.

    Ultrasound at 18 weeks on 7/14/2014. Baby is healthy and growing just as she should!

     

    Check out my blog at: http://journeytoparenthoodandmakingmilk.blogspot.com/

     

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  • 2MamazInSeattle2MamazInSeattle member
    Well, I'm kinda like your DP. My three sisters and mom live nearby and just pop over but not terribly frequently. J has never minded so its never been an issue, but if it was, there is no crime in asking to at least send a text "heads up" giving the "I could be in the shower" scenario or something similar.

    It's tough when your families don't share that "culture" - my ex (of 7 years) hated unannounced guests, so I do understand.
    Lil'mamaz was born on Aug 21, 2014! She's PERFECT!

    It's been a long road to here...
    Me (43) and J (45) - same sex couple. And we don't feel 40+!
    June'12 - First RE Visit
    Sept. '12 - Tubes removed
    Dec. '12 - Donor Egg/Donor Sperm IVF Cycle - 4 good embies!
    Dec. '12 - Fresh transfer, BFP! EDD 8/29/13
    Mar. '13 - Missed m/c at 16w1d, baby boy stopped growing at 15w4d
    Loss due to umbilical cord clot...baby was perfect. :(
    Jul '13 - FET#1 - c/p
    Sept. '13 - FET#2 - BFN
    Dec.' 2, 2013 - FET#3 with our last chance embie - BFP!!!
    Dec' 26, 2013 - hb!!
    EDD 8/20/14 with a baby girl!
    Little S was born on 8/21/14 - 8lb, 14 oz and 20 inches long.
    We live in Seattle and used SRM for our donor egg IVF cycle


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  • Knelson84Knelson84 member
    I think a heads up is ok. I wouldn't like people to just pop over but with a heads up, I would be fine about it. But for me that's more about me feeling like our place was a mess, I always have to do a quick tidy if people are coming over. Partner says I have 'display home' syndrome lol
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  • GoaliesWife123GoaliesWife123 member
    Just had someone stop over. I'm in my pjs. Sick. On hour 11 of working. UGH. 

    Not cool, man, not cool. Good thing DW is home...

    TTC our first. Married to, and madly in love with, my beautiful wife. Living with our fur baby and enjoying 19 nieces and nephews. 
    • DW and I have been tracking, preparing, getting medical testing since January 2013.
    • First Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm 08/02/13: BFN
    • Second Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm 09/11/13, 09/13/13, 09/15/13: BFN
    • Third Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm: 10/13/13, 10/15/13, 10/17/13, 10/21/13: BFN
    • January 2014: Sonohysterogram shows excellent lining & tubes have no blockages
    • Fourth Cycle:  Monitored clomid cycle  w/ ICI's at home: 1/24/14 and 1/25/14. Ovulation verified:  BFN
    • Fifth Cycle: 02/2014 Femara 5mg with ovidrel trigger CD14: BFN
    • Taking a few months off to evaluate if we want to keep trying


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  • newmompeanutnewmompeanut member
    GoaliesWife123 said:
    Just had someone stop over. I'm in my pjs. Sick. On hour 11 of working. UGH. 

    Not cool, man, not cool. Good thing DW is home...
    Not ok!  I'd run and hide and have SO entertain them :)
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  • GoaliesWife123GoaliesWife123 member
    He is a younger kid (20) and has had issues in the past with suicide attempts, so it is hard to say no. With that said, he is also a talker.....he talks A LOT...and ended up staying for like 2 hours. I eventually came out of the bedroom, lol.

    TTC our first. Married to, and madly in love with, my beautiful wife. Living with our fur baby and enjoying 19 nieces and nephews. 
    • DW and I have been tracking, preparing, getting medical testing since January 2013.
    • First Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm 08/02/13: BFN
    • Second Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm 09/11/13, 09/13/13, 09/15/13: BFN
    • Third Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm: 10/13/13, 10/15/13, 10/17/13, 10/21/13: BFN
    • January 2014: Sonohysterogram shows excellent lining & tubes have no blockages
    • Fourth Cycle:  Monitored clomid cycle  w/ ICI's at home: 1/24/14 and 1/25/14. Ovulation verified:  BFN
    • Fifth Cycle: 02/2014 Femara 5mg with ovidrel trigger CD14: BFN
    • Taking a few months off to evaluate if we want to keep trying


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  • trisholiotrisholio member
    I would say there needs to be a compromise.  I wouldn't want people showing up all the time, especially in-laws or my own mother for that matter.  But my sister does live next door and stops over all the time and that doesn't bother either one of us.  She just knows that if we are not downstairs not to come exploring in our room ;-)
    We are also good friends with our neighbors on both sides and we frequently have our patio doors open.  But if its a 'sit on the couch with no pants' kind of night we kindly shut the door and blinds.
    T & G My wife and I married 9/10/11 in Niagara Falls, NY
    HSG 12/12/12        
    #1 ICI 12/15/12              BFN on 12/29/12
    #2 ICI  1/11/13                BFN 1/28/13                       
    #3 ICI 2/11/13                 BFN
                   
    #4 ICI August 2013,  Clomid 100mg    BFN on 8/30/13 
    #5 ICI September-Clomid 100,  mg ICI 8/15 and 8/16,  BFN on 9/3
    #6 ICI October-Clomid 150 mg for 5 days   BFN 10/27
    uterine laparoscopy on 11/14-no endo or cysts
    #7 IUI December-Clomid 150mg    BFP 12/21
    12/23 Beta 51     12/26 Beta 209!
    First ultrasound on January 8th 2014-great healthy heartbeat
    Second Ultrasound January 23 (8 weeks) we got to see and hear the heartbeat
    Third Ultrasound Feb 4th(10 weeks), then will  released to OBGYN'
    It's a GIRL!
    We welcomed Adalyn Cooper Elizabeth on 8/29/14
    She was 7lbs 11oz and 19.6 inches long

    Proud foster parents to two little girls ages 2.5 yrs old, M,  and 1 year old, K



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  • GoaliesWife123GoaliesWife123 member
    Our families are so bad that they open the truck door to get the garage door opener, and then they just let themselves in. So now, if we don't want unexpected visitors, we have to make sure the cars are all locked, doors are locked and alarm is on....so sad!

    TTC our first. Married to, and madly in love with, my beautiful wife. Living with our fur baby and enjoying 19 nieces and nephews. 
    • DW and I have been tracking, preparing, getting medical testing since January 2013.
    • First Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm 08/02/13: BFN
    • Second Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm 09/11/13, 09/13/13, 09/15/13: BFN
    • Third Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm: 10/13/13, 10/15/13, 10/17/13, 10/21/13: BFN
    • January 2014: Sonohysterogram shows excellent lining & tubes have no blockages
    • Fourth Cycle:  Monitored clomid cycle  w/ ICI's at home: 1/24/14 and 1/25/14. Ovulation verified:  BFN
    • Fifth Cycle: 02/2014 Femara 5mg with ovidrel trigger CD14: BFN
    • Taking a few months off to evaluate if we want to keep trying


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    Report Reply
  • aud+reyaud+rey

    We are moving roughly 15 minutes from J's family. While I love them (most of the time...), I agree that there has to be boundaries. We are going to struggle with this, I think, but I don't believe in anyone popping over whenever they want. Like a PP said, it is OUR home and OUR privacy. If I wanna run around naked, I don't want to worry about someone popping in on me! ;)

    Her parents do that to us now and we live 2 hours from them...I can only imagine when we live closer...

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