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April 2013 Moms
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I want another baby....

shadysladyWed98470shadysladyWed98470 member
in April 2013 Moms
Ok not now. But here's the problem ....DH says that he is absolutely not interested in having anymore and that I should just accept the fact that baby E will be an only child. We have been together 10 years and it took this long for him to be ok with having even one. I on the other hand, have always wanted a family and never had any doubts about becoming a mom. To be honest, I am not ok with the idea of LO being an only child and I am almost pissed that DH would ask me to change everything I've ever wanted.....but then again, am I expecting him to do the same by having more when he doesnt want that I'm so sad to think I may never experience this phase again.....
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Re: I want another baby....

  • pinottoparenthoodpinottoparenthood member
    That wold have been a deal breaker for me. DH and I definitely discussed how many kids we wanted before we got married, so I went into it knowing that he only wants 2 even though I want 3+. I know how you feel... I already wonder how I am possibly going to stop at two and get sad about that, but at least I will have one more. I guess it's one of those things you have to decide about before really committing to that person, whether you love them enough to compromise on something so big. I love my DH but I do fear that this will cause arguments down the road.
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  • shadysladyWed98470shadysladyWed98470 member
    I agree that is something to discuss before getting married and we did. I guess it's just hitting me harder than I expected. I thought I would be ok with it, and now that is here, I'm not....
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  • skidderdoskidderdo member
    Maybe his opinion will change as your current LO grows and becomes more playful/interactive. Kids/# of kids is such a huge issue though. Personally I think siblings are really important, but then again some of my best friends, who are totally normal productive and brilliant individuals are only children! Sending sympathy - that's a tough place to be in. I'd just drop the subject for a while and revisit in a few months.
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  • fireflyz56fireflyz56 member
    shadysladyWed98470 said:

    I agree that is something to discuss before getting married and we did. I guess it's just hitting me harder than I expected. I thought I would be ok with it, and now that is here, I'm not....

    I know how you feel. DH and I both had the kids discussion way before we got married and at the time neither of us wanted children. Now we have DD, who is the love of our lives. Part of me kind of wants another maybe in a few years now, but I could not put that on DH again. DD was a happy accident, but it took him a long time to warm up to the idea of being a father before she was born. And he is an amazing father, but I will be happy with just one if he never wants any more.
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  • Kmape36Kmape36 member
    I agree its something to discuss prior to marriage but I also don't think you can truly know how you feel until you have a child. Motherhood changes you. That's one decision I don't think you can be held to until you have experienced it. I agree with PP to give it some time and then bring it up again. Right after I had my first I was sure she would be an only child... had no desire to have anymore. But then I wanted nothing more than to give her a sibling. Now I can't imagine life without two.
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  • jss1482jss1482 member
    Like PP said maybe he will change his mind once baby gets old and care taking gets easier.. I was an only child so I don't know what I am missing but I always had close friends who were like family to me, vacationed with us, etc etc
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  • nearly_klonearly_klo member
    I hear you. We always said '2 or 3, wait and see' and now I want 3 and he says no more than our 2. I'm really sad to think we won't ever do this again. I'm not ruling it out totally, but I am trying to soak it up now in case this is it for us.
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  • JSS1002JSS1002 member
    I'm sorry.  We figured all that out before getting engaged, because either of us not wanting kids would have been a dealbreaker for either one of us.  That said, now that we have one, we are waffling on how many to have.  DH always said he wanted "as many as possible" and I was pretty set on 2, could be talked into a third.  Now that we know how much work it really is, we were pretty settled on 2, but the other day, DH said "now I think I want a third again," whereas I sometimes think, "Jeez, LO is perfect, we're getting older, do we even want to roll the dice again and run the risk of birth defects / genetic problems?!"  So basically we have no idea. :-)

    Good luck figuring it out.  I don't envy you that situaiton -- at least with DH and I, we are both sort of confused but I'm 99% sure we'll have at least one more.  DH was also an only child and he turned out just fine. :-)
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