s/o separate bank accounts from your H...

christinak22 · July 2013

How do you do it? How do you decide who pays for what? It seems really complicated to make sure it's fair. Like, who pays regular, monthly bills and who pays for kids' stuff, groceries, etc? I get that this helps with fun money for each of you, but the rest really puzzles me.

shannm · July 2013

It was not efficient for us. I was paying most bills and it was a pain to have to constantly transfer money from one account to another. We just now pool our money. We are pretty transparent with each other and really only discuss large purchases.

Karla CS · July 2013

I don't think we could make this work in our house. I could see having a joint account for all payroll deposits and bills, and then each person having a separate account that their 'fun' discretionary money gets put into. We're pretty good about not commenting on the other's discretionary spending, but I have friends who freak out about it. ("he bought SUSPENDERS! Freaking suspenders! $100 on suspenders!" well, if you agreed he had $100 to spend on whatever he wanted that month, he could have spent $100 on newspapers and you shouldn't complain.. In that case, I can see the separate fun accounts working)

Nechie122 · July 2013

Even though we have separate accounts, we budget jointly. DH makes more than I do, so all the "big" bills come out of his account, our major fixed expenses. I pick up the "little" bills, like restaurant meals, groceries/toiletries and toddler gear, so it's not like we're ever squabbling about whose "turn" it is to pay. It also doesn't need to be split evenly down to the last penny. We're married, who cares? It all comes out in the wash, as they say.

I will say that some of our accounts, like savings, are joint, so if we're planning a big purchase we'll discuss which account it should come from: his, mine, or our joint savings. I don't see it that much differently than just having multiple accounts, except we each have one or two we manage ourselves and a couple we manage together.

itsmevkb · July 2013

I think it depends on how you are defining fair. We don't think of it as it needs to be 50/50 or I make twice what he does so I pay twice what he does, etc., we just seemed to split things up in a way that we both felt we had enough money for other things we wanted each month. Up until recently, and really even now, I've earned quite a bit more money than my husband so I have always paid the larger bills and he's paid some of the smaller ones. As he's started earning more he's taken on things like paying for childcare. Larger, newer expenses like private school tuition is something we discussed and figured out what each of us could pay. We've just always had separate accounts and although we have a joint account it might as well just be mine as I'm the only one who really uses it.

For us - I pay the mortgage, cable bill, my own cell phone, he pays the electric/gas bill, his cell phone, childcare/tuition. I pay the majority of diapers and formula but we both just run to the grocery when necessary and buy things. We tend to each pay our own car insurance. I buy almost all of the kids' clothes and shoes and come to think of it, almost all of his clothes too! I also pay more of the medical bills but he takes the kids to the doc more than I do so maybe that's a "fair" trade ;-) I don't know, it just works out.

Gracious1014 · July 2013

DH and I have seperate personal accounts and a joint account for home related expenses. We each have our own fairly expensive hobbies - I came in to the relationship owning a horse and don't expect him to contribute to that. In the same respect, I don't feel as though I should contribute to his cars & motorcycles. We figure our home expenses by the average outgoing for each month and then contribute an equal percentage of our incomes to that. Anything above that is covered by him as he makes significantly more than me. I pay for routine car care, he covers anything above and beyond that. He covers groceries, but I do the shopping and the majority of the cooking. We each have our seperate 401Ks, but health insurance is through his employer and he pays in to that as well as to a Flex Spending Account.

It is a little complicated and there are times where I wish we would just have one joint account, but for now, it works.

aglenn · July 2013

Nechie122 said:

Even though we have separate accounts, we budget jointly. DH makes more than I do, so all the "big" bills come out of his account, our major fixed expenses. I pick up the "little" bills, like restaurant meals, groceries/toiletries and toddler gear, so it's not like we're ever squabbling about whose "turn" it is to pay. It also doesn't need to be split evenly down to the last penny. We're married, who cares? It all comes out in the wash, as they say. I will say that some of our accounts, like savings, are joint, so if we're planning a big purchase we'll discuss which account it should come from: his, mine, or our joint savings. I don't see it that much differently than just having multiple accounts, except we each have one or two we manage ourselves and a couple we manage together.

This is basically how it works for us, too. We have separate accounts and joint accounts and just budget all of them together. I like to keep my own checking account because I am somewhat compulsive about budget tracking and recording what I spend and DH is the opposite...he would drive me insane because he doesn't keep track of the day to day spending well. I also am a better saver than DH is so I feel like we do better overall with me being able to control a portion of the money and make sure it gets into savings, whereas if it was all in the joint account DH would be more likely to spend it before it got to the savings account. We just have different spending patterns and it works out so much more easily this way because I can indulge my compulsiveness and he doesn't have to hear about it.

mariamaria · July 2013

I can't imagine not having separate accounts personally. We don't worry about what is fair or not so its pretty easy. Then we have a joint account we contribute to for household expenses, mortgage and daycare.

thedash · July 2013

For a while we each had our own account and then had one joint account all at the same bank. In my online banking I could see and transfer between my individual and the joint. Same for him. It was actually pretty easy. We each put half of the rent, utilities and other fixed monthly expenses into the joint each month. Whatever was left in our personal was for us to spend or save as we wanted. I guess if one of us did not earn enough to contribute half it would have been different but I think you could still just agree on what amount you each transfer each month to joint. DH was paying our joint bills and every once in a while he would ask me to transfer an extra $500 just to keep a good slush fund in the joint checking. If it ever started to build up a lot we would agree to put that in our joint savings.

Our finances are now completely combined and it works out fine, but the separate system was had was good at the time.

StayingSecret · July 2013

We don't do this, but I had a friend that did. Her DH made more money than she did, so they divided up the bills this way:

-She took the regular bills like electricity and house payment and cable and paid out of hers. She still had money leftover.

-He took the more "fluid" bills like credit card payments or vacations and such. Since his income was bigger, he had more flexibility in case of a big expense.

I think they still budgeted together and they still had some joint money like savings accounts and such, but she said it was a marriage saver for her not to have to balance 1 checkbook with 2 people making withdrawals.

For us, our fun money is held in cash, so whatever he spends in a given month is his and I don't even worry about it. That's our sanity saver!

preggersin2011 · July 2013

You should have a joint account that all the bills get paid from, and each put the same percentage of your salary in it. Then the money you have left over goes into your own respective indiviual account. Everyone I know that has two working parents is successful with this and they do not have arguments about money. When only one parent works, the joint account is for all the bills and the separate accounts are for weekly personal allowances.

LoCarb · July 2013

We had a joint account for shared bills (mortgage, utilities, DC) and separate accounts for personal items: gas, clothing, lunches,etc...

cecilyandgautam · July 2013

We're joint on our two major checking accounts but he has a credit card I don't have access to and I have a savings account he could access, but never does, and I direct deposit some nominal amount into it each pay period.

If you are going to keep separate accounts, I think it's easier to have side mini-accounts with the majority of both your paychecks getting deposited into the joint account - that's where you pay your bills from.

adfee · July 2013

How we do it is that our paychecks get put into the join account. We have budgeted a certain amount each month for our 'fun' things. We each take this amount out at the beginning of the month and put it into our own accounts. Everything. literally everything, that is joint (house, car, insurance, groceries, anything we do together like movies or dinners out, baby expenses) comes out of joint account. This works really well for us because we don't argue at all about what we spend our fun money on.

Anything that is a larger purchase for the family, like a new TV or furniture, etc. comes out of joint account as well. We just do any saving we need to do. DH and I never fight about money and I think it's because this system works so well.

adfee · July 2013

One thing I will say is that my H and I do not divide it by percentages based on our salaries. We each get the same amount of spending money regardless of the fact that he makes more. For a while I made more, now he makes more and I might make more again one day. I imagine it will even out over the long term.

mittensonkittens · July 2013

We have joint and separate accounts. The regular bills come out of the joint account, and DH manages that. We each have a certain amount of each paycheck go into the joint account, and that amount is based on our budget. The budget accounts for what types of purchases we each usually make. We both buy things like groceries and gas, but DH covers things like car maintenance, while I pay for everyone's clothes, as well as vacations and gifts. Neither of us are big spenders, so I don't think we would fight about money regardless.

mexicolombiana · July 2013

In our house we couldn't have separate accounts because every penny we make goes towards joint bills. We rarely make big purchases that only benefit one of us. I might buy a purse for $40.00 but I don't need a separate account to make a purchase like this. Same w/DH's purchases.

NicoleWI · July 2013

This isn't super "organized" or thought out, but we just continued our own accounts when we got married. I continued to pay the bills I was paying (my Discover bill, on which I put most things I buy, like groceries, co-pays for medical visits, random household items, clothing, gifts, kid haircuts, etc), child care, internet/TV/phone, and DH paid the "big" bills like the mortgage, utilities and car payments. It just worked out fine for us. Now that I am leaving my job, I think we have to go to one "household" account.

mae0111 · July 2013

We have joint savings, but that's it. DH pays all fixed expenses, plus his credit card. He travels a ton for work and doesn't have a corporate CC, so we got him a card with good rewards for gas, his fun stuff, and work. I pay variable stuff - groceries, takeout, restaurant meals, clothes, oil, and then a few others like my cell, DD1's pre-k tuition, etc. DH is a terrible saver, so we budget his paycheck to the penny and I'm in charge of savings. It works very well for us. We are hemorrhaging money right now because we just bought a house that needed work, but we are working together to budget appropriately and we are careful about who pays for what.

groovygrl · July 2013

Originally we had it where we decided how much we thought was appropriate for each of us to have for discretionary money monthly and I transferred the balance of my monthly income to savings, and we paid all bills from his checking account, as he makes substantially more than me. I have a credit card he doesn't see the bill on and he uses our joint cards for everything and I don't question a dime he spends. It works for us and we have never really fought over money if you don't count when he gets mad at me bc I am not as on top of how much we spend in different categories monthly or that I don't look t my retirement accounts very often and just trust the money is going in there as it should...but not about spending. E both know our limits and live within them but are lucky to be in a place where we can save and invest pretty well. Recently we switched where I pay for daycare and some other kid related costs from my acct and then i transfer whati feel is appropriate to savings, some months I don't really if I have had a bigger expense or something( we still save, it just comes from his acct bc he deals w our financial planner so it is easier that way).

ap142193 · July 2013

We made a budget that included food, utilities, housing, dogs, insurance, and joint credit card bills. We each pay into a joint account 1/2 of the month's projection. We keep separate accounts for ourselves and we pay our own gas, car Pymt, individual credit cards, individual loans, etc. we take turns paying when we go out to eat. DH generally pays for house repair type projects, but sometimes we split them. DH makes twice as much as I do, but his supposed to be paying on his huge student loan. DH just changed jobs and won't have insurance through his company so I will put him on my policy and pay his premium. When that happens, I will pay less into the joint account and he will pay more (based on his ins costs). I don't know how this system will work when we have kids.

financialdiva · July 2013

DH and I lived together before marriage and had separate accounts bc we didn't want to consolidate just yet. We figured out all the fixed bills like the mortgage, fixed utilities, etc and split in half. I then would transfer the same amount to his account every month, then pay all of my bills like my car payment, cell phone, etc myself.

Things like electric and water I would transfer separately.

It really wasn't that complicated. We combined accounts after we got married though.

court115 · July 2013

shannm said:

It was not efficient for us. I was paying most bills and it was a pain to have to constantly transfer money from one account to another. We just now pool our money. We are pretty transparent with each other and really only discuss large purchases.

Same here. We lived together for years before we got married and had separate accounts. We just recently combined because I was tired of constantly transferring money between accounts. He gets a certain amount of cash a week to spend on whatever he wants and I pay everything else out of the joint account.

sapphirebride06 · July 2013

I didn't read all the previous posts but this is how it works for us:

We have our own checking and savings accounts but H maintains the savings in his because I don't make enough to save much so he saved for both of us until he got our nest egg and I've been applying everything extra to joint debt and to my personal debt (student loans). I pay for childcare and he pays for the mortgage - those almost equal out. He pays our health insurance while I pay dental and vision and the extras for the kids so that equals out. I have a larger car payment than he does so he pays for the groceries. He makes more therefore he willingly pays more and neither of us feel stuck.

The only joint account we have together is our company account for our self employment business and we are both on that but since I'm going to be getting a new job soon I won't be putting my paychecks into that account anymore but H said he still wants me to use my company card for gas since I am still in the consulting business just part time now instead of full time. So he will be paying for my gas and he knows this and is fine with it.

This probably sounds very mine vs. his but it isn't that way at all. I maintain both of our budgets and update them bi-weekly and H knows what I make and I know what he makes. We do not argue about money at all and H always makes sure things are paid. Our oldest had unexpected medical bills and if H sees them on my desk he grabs them and pays them so I don't have to since I make less even though the bill comes in my name since I technically have the insurance policy as the carrier.

We both feel it is very fair and neither feels in the dark at all. We both have access to our joint company account but I don't know his log in to his personal accounts or credit cards (we aren't on each others cards at all) and he doesn't know mine. I update the balance on my budget every time I either use a card or make a payment and he has his on his budget which I update but he tells me the balances or logs in and tells me. It's not secretive or his vs mine at all it just works for us. We had joint accounts, were on each others credit cards, etc. and we argued about money constantly to the point where we separated. We split finances at that time and never rejoined them when we reunited and worked on our issues. We love it this way and wouldn't have it any other way.

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