Mommy comparisons... ugh

helenkayj · July 2013

I can't stop doing it! And most of my comparisons are negative toward me! A friend of mine just had a baby less than two weeks ago and she keeps posting on Facebook about her outings with her LO. They went fishing two days after LO was born!!! I couldn't even get myself up off the couch 2 days pp, let alone have a fishing outing (not that I like fishing anyway). Her little family has been on hikes and is doing amazing. We're both FTMs and since our babies were born so close together I can't help but compare and I come out looking like a lazy, lousy mom!

How do you stop yourself from comparison mommy-ing?

SaguaroBlossmom · July 2013

Everyone's situation is so different you can't compare! I had such an easy birth with DD2 I was cleaning and had people over for a BBQ the day we got out of the hospital , with DD1 it was more difficult because of tearing and whatnot . Every baby is different also, some will put up with being carted around everywhere , some will not put up with that sh*t, and need routine:) don't worry you're doing the best you can with the cards you are dealt . It all goes by so fast don't worry about what others are doing , just focus on being the best mom to your LO.

blush64 · July 2013

Just stop! Someone will always be doing 'better' than you no matter what. There will also always be someone not doing as well but the only thing that accomplishes is to make you feel like something is wrong.

My baby just turned 2 months and I still wouldn't want to take her fishing even if I liked fishing. I will do what I feel comfortable with and if that means we stay home most days, fine. Edit

virginiagirl11 · July 2013

Yeah, it's so easy to do but you'll be doing it the rest of your life if you're not careful. It never stops.

Also consider the pros and cons of your different situations. I have a friend who was like that, but there are drawbacks to that kind of lifestyle, too (the kids tend not to get as much direct attention from the parents and sleep more poorly when they're always on the go like that, etc. They may also learn that they have to be out & doing something in order for life to be interesting, which isn't true.).

If you're playing with your LO and giving him lots of loving attention and stimulating interaction, then you're being a good mom. Taking LO places does not a good mom make.

snowgirl427 · July 2013

virginiagirl11 said:
>If you're playing with your LO and giving him lots of loving attention and stimulating interaction, then you're being a good mom. Taking LO places does not a good mom make.

I agree with this!!

I had a csection and was on the couch for WEEKS. Even if I didn't need that recovery, no way would I take LO out. Pedi told us not until 2 mos.

Have You left your LO in the car while you went shopping or to the bar? Have you left LO in the care of a family pet? Those are examples of being a bad mom!

And btw - I don't compare myself because I'm being the best mom I can be, lo is thriving and that's what matters!

ILoveSnacks · July 2013

I think it's important to remember that good or bad, everything changes. There will be times when your life is easier and times when your friends' will be.

And everybody sugar coats on Facebook! Oh look at my cute baby, oh look at my gorgeous vacation photos. Very few people are going to post about the tougher or more discouraging aspects.

drhibbard · July 2013

Everyone copes differently too. I go out and do stuff because I don't always handle being at home with LO alone well. I think I bore her. Not as much now but definitely the first few weeks.

jayro10 · July 2013

KateRN08 said:
My baby slept so well in the beginning I could take her anywhere, now she never sleeps and is fussy and I feel trapped in my house. The grass isn't always greener.

This exactly! It's easy to drag a newborn out of the house when they are basically comatose for the first two weeks and sleep anywhere.
Also, even if I had the easiest, dreamiest labor and delivery, no way in hell I would be hiking two weeks later. I know it's been said on here a million times, but there's a reason you're supposed to wait 6 weeks before resuming normal activity. She could be doing a lot of damage to herself if she doesn't let her body recover.

Lolalipsy · July 2013

I try not to do it but I have a nephew two weeks younger than my LO and others constantly compare their growth, our parenting styles etc etc.

I hate it....one formula doesn't fit all. How I raise my child is my way an may not work for others.

be888 · July 2013

My nephew was born 5 days before my son, and there is quite a bit of comparison going on in the family about their size, sleep, milestones, etc. My nephew was a premie and our son was a a week overdue, so they are 6 weeks apart in reality, plus one was born by emergency c-section , and one vaginal delivery. Each baby is different, each recovery is different as well. You are doing a great job!

surpriseaddition · July 2013

It's easy to get caught up in the day to day when your LO is so young, but down the road when your kids are 15 and 12 like my older two, you realize it didn't really matter if you took your kid fishing at 2 weeks PP because they can't remember anything that happened prior to Kindergarten anyway! As long as you're loving your baby and making LO feel safe and well cared for, you're being a great mom!

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