MIL and delivery room dilemma

Jessjames210 · July 2013

So, last weekend my mother in law whom I love but can be very outspoken said something to me about how she's expecting to be in the delivery room. My husband and I however were only planning on having my Mother in there to support me along side my hubby that gets a little uneasy around blood and is very nervous about labor. I feel bad that we have to let my MIL down however my husband even told me he doesn't want his mom is in and all in my business( if you know what I mean). Is anyone else having a similar situation and if so how are you handling it?

HFrizzle · July 2013

Just tell her politely that you don't want anyone else in there for privacy issues. Be firm and consistent and hopefully she will get the point. If not, just don't tell her when you go into labor.

yesthisiskim0401 · July 2013

You can always tell her the hospital has a strict policy about limiting people in the delivery room and you've filled your quota with DH and your mom. When you do go into labor you just have to tell the nurses that she isn't allowed in and they will handle it.

shelley1002 · July 2013

I would tell her that you don't want her there for this. It's a special moment for you and DH. And you and your mom have talked a out it since you were little. Some hospitals only allow 1 or 2 support people in the room during delivery. Check with your hospital. That could work in your favor.

Tell the staff where you are delivering that come delivery time you just want your DH and your mom. No one else. They will kick everyone else out.

tmccord21 · July 2013

My MIL just told me that she isn't planning on coming to NYC until after the baby is born because she is under the impression that they only let 2 people in the room with you. Which is probably true and I have H and then my sis and mom will have to battle it out. I don't mind if MIL is around just not the whole freaking family that would be coming with her.

I'm gonna be a nasty b'tch so more power to anyone who wants to witness this go down.

Chrisanna0508 · July 2013

I have actually been pleasantly surprised that MIL hasn't made a huge deal out of being up here when I have the baby. I don't think she would ever presume to think she would be in the delivery room, but she has said she knows my parents are going to be in town for a few weeks after the baby is born and will come visit after that. I would just be honest with her about your plans. Once the baby is born I'm sure there will be other times when you will need to tell her no so might as well get used to it now.

mancila60 · July 2013

Our hospital only allows 2 people at a time in the room so I would try using that one her. Tell her that they limit the number of people in the room at a time. I also wouldn't want my MIL in the room with me.

KaylaC0514 · July 2013

I never had to deal with this but I've read similar stories, one woman said that she told her MIL that her OB only allows 2 people in the room with you during L&D. Leaving only enough room for your DH and your mom. You could try that!

huntjul · July 2013

I really don't understand moms who think they'll be in the delivery room. I can't imagine any of my family member expecting to be there, and believe me, if one of them did, I would set them straight super quickly. Ain't nobody need to be there seeing that!

CarolinaGirl411 · July 2013

My MIL is 5 hours away and we do not intend on telling anyone we are on the way to the hospital just because we want this to be a just us thing. This worked out for H's brother and I don't see a problem with it. We are going to tell people once he arrives and no one is coming down to visit until a week or later after us getting our family home and settled. We also won't be announcing room numbers until we are good to go on people visiting. This is one thing we can control and intend on taking advantage of it.

JenMatt2010 · July 2013

Hell to the no. We didn't tell anyone we were going in to be induced with DS except my parents because they watched our dog, and they didn't come to the hospital until after baby arrived and we called them. Now we luckily live in FL, and my parents are coming to stay with DS and everyone else can just stay up in MD until we are ready for visitors.

Make the nurses be the bad guys...

SWA80 · July 2013

My MIL luckily knows better. My mom however is another story. She just assumes she'll be in the room but she live 9 hours away so we're just not going to call right away. If she could just watch quietly, I wouldn't care but that's not her style.

RedZee · July 2013

Last pregnancy MIL kept telling us she was going to be in the room. DH just kept saying no. Then again, we weren't having my mom in there either. Even if my mom was in there, I would have had DH tell his mom no.

Last time we told them on our way to the hospital and my dad and his mom both called every hour. They made me really, really crazy (I was in labor for almost 24 hours). I don't want to tell anyone this time but we won't have that luxury since we need to drop DD off somewhere.

germanpickle · July 2013

Make the decision that feels right for you and consider it practice for the 10,000 situations headed your way in which you both disagree with the expectations of others that you love (that's called 'raising your child').

conradtn · July 2013

I've told DH all along that I want him and my mom there (in case he can't handle it). We don't know if he'll pass out or not, but if he does I need someone there. I think MIL realizes I'm going to want my mom first. I did tell DH that nobody can hold her until we do, aside from the obvious nurses/doctor.

robertson10 · July 2013

With my daughter, my doctor told me that he would be happy to be the bad guy. i told him who i wanted in the room (my mother, SIL, and hubby) and so he said that i was only allowed to have 3 people. she understood and was okay with it. hopefully, this time she will not expect to get to be in there since she wasnt last time. My MIL is VERY LOUD and DRAMATIC and honestly, i just dont want her in there. i love her, but dont want her in my face at that moment!

jennlin · July 2013

my h really wanted his mom there for dd, but i wasn't comfortable with it. i felt really guilty, because my mom would be there, and it's "her granchild, too"....but after i talked it through with other people, they reminded me that MIL has her own daughter, and can be there for that. she doesn't need to be around my nekkid vaj.

what sucks for her though is that SIL will probably never have kids due to her lifestyle.....but that's not my problem.

edit:
we just never discussed with MIL if she'd be there or not, and she never asked. i know she was sad, but again...not my problem.

Jessjames210 · July 2013

My MIL is the same way, to the point that my husband doesn't want her in there. She's too much to handle especially at that time.

JenMatt2010 · July 2013

My MIL is straight up bat shit crazy. If DH even mentioned her being in the delivery room, I wouldn't even let him know I was in labor.

hawtness21 · August 2013

I will have DH there but MIL is not going to show up because it is only a two day stay. She already told us that she will wait until we are home and settled in. I told my mom in a firm but gentle way that we are only going to be there for two days. I also implied that I will be bfing as much as I can there and resting when I'm not. My mother was there for grandparents night class when the nurse told our parents and grandparents about the two day stay.

vvg28 · August 2013

I plan on it just being my husband and me in the delivery room. The only other family I may have in would be my grandmother because she is a nurse. My MIL or my mom have no issues with this. But surely your MIL can understand having your mother and not her in there. After all, you are your mama's child. You are the one going through all the stuff. Now if it were your husband, then his mom would be entitled to be in there. Just my opinion. The less people in there, the less stress!

Crinita · August 2013

"Just say no." That is my policy. It's just that simple.

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