I'm a bad mother

mommatotwo2 · July 2013

It's week 9 and I have 3 weeks left of maternity leave and even though I positively HATE my job...I'm actually starting to feel ready to go back to work. I feel like I spend all day nursing. I'm lucky if I get a shower in every day and some semi decent food. Most days I live on granola bars, yogurt, and water. LO is so fussy most of the time. She takes 1 good nap a day and in that 2 hours, I try to spend some time with DD1. But I also need to try and do things like pay the bills, load the dishwasher, throw in a load of laundry. Forget trying to make dinner, that's happened once in 9 weeks. I spent all day just wishing DH would hurry up and get home to help me and then spend most of the evening resentful that he's not doing enough...

I feel like the daily monotony is getting to me. Going from 1 kid to 2 has been much harder than I expected. I kind of blame the breastfeeding. I don't want to throw in the towel, but my formula fed DD1 was definitely easier, she took a bottle every 3 hours and pretty much slept in between.

Thanks for listening to me whine.

MrsM1111 · July 2013

This doesn't make you a bad mom. We all have our days. Some of us more than others. You just need a break from your everyday and you will feel refreshed. I'm sure once you're back at work and getting that break I'm sure you'll feel differently about how you are as a mom. I'm sending hugs your way..

clw617 · July 2013

You're not a bad mother! I've been having similar feelings. I feel like I spend so much of my day pacing the room, holding and bouncing DS, singing and hoping he'll calm down and go to sleep. It's really taking a toll on my upper back! LOL

Evenings are his fussiest time and DH isn't as efficient at getting DS to calm down, but he tries to relieve me when he comes home from work. And then I just go to another room and try to doing some sort of housekeeping while he wails and wails. (This is what's happening as I type this).

While I'm sure I'll miss my days with DS and spend all day at working thinking about him, I'm sort of looking forward to going back to work just for a change of pace, to blowdry my hair and wear something other than a t-shirt and get out of my house. Maternity leave has been very isolating at times. I'm happy for the bonding time, but I don't think I did a very good job of balancing, trying to get snippets of me-time, asking for help, etc. I haven't seen friends. I'm not confident in venturing out very often with him (Let's put it this way... I haven't put gas in my car since before the baby was born. That's how little I've left the house).

In no way does looking forward to a more balanced life make you a bad mom.

mommatotwo2 · July 2013

You ladies are truly awesome. Thank you for the support (and the hugs!) and helping me realize I'm not alone.

mommatotwo2 · July 2013

Shantxtell said:

V is 9 weeks and today has spent all.freaking.day on my boob. She won't go down for her naps and just wants to be held. MIL came over to hold her so I could eat and shower- no such luck. She only wants to be held by me. No advice but commiseration for sure. Hang in there!

Thank you! I hope it gets better for you too.

sarajim06 · July 2013

I could have written your post myself. I go back to work Thursday (the day after DS turns 12 weeks) and I'm so looking forward to it. Having to juggle 2 kids at home for these 12 weeks has been so hard. I count down the minutes until DH gets home too. It doesn't help that my oldest is having a tough time and is hitting DS2 to get my attention

. Sigh. I feel you, momma!

mommatotwo2 · July 2013

pamperedgirl83 said:

you are by no means alone. im sure you are a great mommy. we all have our days (i had one yesterday). i would talk to your husband and clarify what you need and want from him when he is home. unfortunately our hubbys arent mind readers. just remember things will get better!! sending hugs!

Thank you so much!!

mommatotwo2 · July 2013

sarajim06 said:

I could have written your post myself. I go back to work Thursday (the day after DS turns 12 weeks) and I'm so looking forward to it. Having to juggle 2 kids at home for these 12 weeks has been so hard. I count down the minutes until DH gets home too. It doesn't help that my oldest is having a tough time and is hitting DS2 to get my attention . Sigh. I feel you, momma!

It is so hard with an older one at home! They're used to getting all the attention and they don't realize it's not that you don't want to give them attention, you just have really minimal extra time! Good luck with going back!!!

megpeg · July 2013

I went back to work when dd was 3.5 weeks. I needed to get out of the house before I went mad. I only work 2-3 long days a week but it gets me out and the kids get to go to my parents or sisters and spend time with family. Your not a bad mom.

blush64 · July 2013

There's nothing wrong with being ready to go back to work and it certainly doesn't make you a bad mother. I won't go back to work until the beginning of June next year. ( she was born at the end of May and I am taking my full year.) I would love to stay at home forever. I am already looking forward to all the mommy and me classes this fall. As there are people who would judge a woman for wanting to return to work there are people judging those women who want to stay home. We are all different and our families need different things. There's nothing wrong with knowing what you want and need to have a happy family and then doing it.

jasherlove · July 2013

It doesn't make you a bad mom! I dreaded going back to work, but it's not as hard as I thought it would be, and that makes me hate myself some days. I still would love to stay home with him all day long but being at work does give me a break. Being a mama is the hardest job there is, and you're only human to need a break from that.

rebaann · July 2013

As much as I am going to miss spending time with DD, I'm starting to look forward to going back to work, too. Needing some balance doesn't make you a bad mom.

mommatotwo2 · July 2013

Thanks everyone

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