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DS's PreK Costs & BD

twister22twister22 member
in Blended Families
DS's PreK is $200 per month, and I ask BD if he would like to contribute 50% or whatever he felt he could do. He said he would do half. Later, he asks if the half he is going to pay can be applied to the back CS he owes.
I told him no.
He says why not, because he contributed some during the time our CS was back dated to. His mom actually contributed some, not him, and it was a measly amount. When we calculated CS on the original CO it was based off of him making minimum wage, and before the ink even dried on the CO he got a job paying triple that, and I never went for an adjustment. Then when he got laid off from that job and was on unemployment, he filed for an update in the CO and because our CS system sucks he was granted one and his CS was cut in half. I was honest with everything in the CS adjustment hearing, and he lied saying he only got unemployment, and later admitted to me that he worked under the table full time doing landscaping and construction. Right after the CS was adjusted he got a job, and then 6 months later got a better job, and I still haven't applied for an adjustment.
I told him all that, and said that's why. If he wants to contribute to DS's PreK, he can contribute.
He said he would still contribute half.
So it ended well, but now I'm annoyed about the whole CS thing. I wish the CS system didn't suck. I have yet to find anyone who is happy with the amount of CS they pay/receive.
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Re: DS's PreK Costs & BD

  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    edited July 2013
    You are too nice. If you know he is making more and it is possible to go for an adjustment I would do it. I have no patience for parents who don't contribute a fair amount financially to their children. Man or woman. 

    The man has a fucking monster truck. The fact that he is behind in his child support while buying extra stupid shit makes him a douche and I would take him back for an adjustment just based on that fact. Your DS deserves that extra money even if you dont need it.
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  • twister22twister22 member
    Littlejen22 said:
    Honestly you are complaining that the CS system sucks but are also not going for adjustments you can ask for so that is not the broken system's fault. Go back and get an adjustment instead of thinking you are doing him a favor.
    I would love to go back for an adjustment, but it probably wouldn't change anything. DH is carrying our family insurance instead of me, so I don't get "credit" for carrying DS's insurance. BD carry's secondary insurance for DS (he is CO'd to carry it for his daughter, and for him it was no more expensive to add DS too) so he would likely get credit for that. My mom watches DS for free, so I don't get credit for daycare. Also, BD gets a lower amount because he pays CS for his DD. It doesn't matter that I have a 2nd child because I'm not paying CS for her.
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  • new+tothisnew+tothis member
    edited July 2013
    I'm with LittleJen. If an adjustment is warranted - go for it. If not, then let it go. From your follow up it sounds like you wouldn't get much, if any, increase in child support so BD is paying what he should according to the system. Sure, sometimes it sucks. I get that. But there's nothing to do about it. It took me far too long to realize that being upset or emotional about things I have no control over is useless. I'm happy with the amount of CS I receive since it is based on the state calculator. We choose to have DH cover DS and I for insurance even though we don't get credit for it. Does your CO say anything about prek? If it does, I would hold BD accountable for that amount. If not, then it's up to you to decide whether you can afford it and the cost is worth it.
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  • twister22twister22 member
    new+tothis said:
    I'm with LittleJen. If an adjustment is warranted - go for it. If not, then let it go. From your follow up it sounds like you wouldn't get much, if any, increase in child support so BD is paying what he should according to the system. Sure, sometimes it sucks. I get that. But there's nothing to do about it. It took me far too long to realize that being upset or emotional about things I have no control over is useless. I'm happy with the amount of CS I receive since it is based on the state calculator. We choose to have DH cover DS and I for insurance even though we don't get credit for it. Does your CO say anything about prek? If it does, I would hold BD accountable for that amount. If not, then it's up to you to decide whether you can afford it and the cost is worth it.
    We can afford it without BD's help, but I think BD should be contributing since he's in agreement with the PreK, and because he can afford to do so.
    Because PreK is optional BD isn't required to help pay for it, I just think he should, and he's willing to.
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  • new+tothisnew+tothis member
    I fully agree he SHOULD pay for at least a portion if he can afford it and agrees to it. It's good you didn't give him a pass on child support for paying a portion of prek.
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  • karatechrissykaratechrissy member
    twister22 said:
    Littlejen22 said:
    Honestly you are complaining that the CS system sucks but are also not going for adjustments you can ask for so that is not the broken system's fault. Go back and get an adjustment instead of thinking you are doing him a favor.
    I would love to go back for an adjustment, but it probably wouldn't change anything. DH is carrying our family insurance instead of me, so I don't get "credit" for carrying DS's insurance. BD carry's secondary insurance for DS (he is CO'd to carry it for his daughter, and for him it was no more expensive to add DS too) so he would likely get credit for that. My mom watches DS for free, so I don't get credit for daycare. Also, BD gets a lower amount because he pays CS for his DD. It doesn't matter that I have a 2nd child because I'm not paying CS for her.
    I'm with littleJen. Secondly, I think it DOES say something that you have a second child even though you don't pay CS. It may depend on state... I know here, we had percentages changed because I was literally about to give birth 2 weeks after our CS hearing. That helped a little. Her lawyer tried to argue that the child was 'theoretical' because one wasn't here yet, then our lawyer pointed me out to the judge and told him I was due in 2 weeks with no complications thus far. They factored in that DD was a second child that DH needed to provide for and changed the percentages. 

    Just something you might want to check into (unless you already have, and are saying that out of knowledge you already have on your state).

    I know what it's like to feel screwed by the system. BM quit her job a month before our CS hearing. Claimed her husband was able to let her be a SAHM wah wah wah... she got a job dancing on tables bringing in triple our income just 2 months later. She did that for 2 1/2 yrs and DH didn't want to take her back to court because he didn't want to rock the boat. We struggled HARD. STill are a bit but not really. We can pay our bills now. And now she is unemployed living off cs and the govt... so, whatever. 
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  • NdsalesNdsales member
    BM thought she would get more with DH's new job last year. Took us back because she had heard all the stories of people making $150,000+ in the oil fields of ND. H gets daily living expenses from his employer when he is on location, plus they pay us $1000/month for having a perminant home here since the cost of living is so high. BM's attorney and CS thought DH should pay $1500/month until our attorney had a letter from DH's employer satating a break down of everything, and that in the spring DH's employment is pretty much non existant for 3 months due to frost laws, and in the winter if temps drop too low or is windy they are shut down. BM ended up getting her CS dropped from $900 to $475/month because DH did not want to hurt SS when he had to take a new job. BM tried to use that we both drove new vehicles and had a large home for her reasoning in CS, but she failed to take note that I have a great job, and contribute more that DH to our family budget every month.
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  • HChadHChad member
    I have no issue with DH's CS.  He has a child, he has to support her.  No question, no disagreement from me.  It's very simple, to me.  Frustrating at times, yes.  But all of our bills are paid.  We can't do everything we want to do.  We had a small wedding with a lot of help from his family.  We didn't have a honeymoon.  No biggie, we had a weekend together and an amazing wedding that brought the entire family together, not just for a day, but for over a month.  It truly was a family event and that is more important that anything material.  Not all intact families have the opportunity to do everything they want to do.  It's life.

    DH's CS is over 25% of his pre-tax income.  He has arreages that need to be paid from when he was unemployed.  That will be taken care of in about 4 years.  Hopefully, CS will go down than and I'll have a better paying job.  Once again, life.

    All I'm trying to say is not everyone is upset with the amount of CS that is paid.  

    You should go for an adjustment.  He's making more than before and has been lying about his income.  If that doesn't count for something, there is more wrong with the system than I thought.
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