How does your H/SO handle IF? child mentioned

mrsrichey11 · July 2013

The hubs and I had a little heart-to-heart last night before bed. I asked him how he is doing so far this cycle. He said he's just taking it one day at a time. Then I asked him how he is handling this whole situation and he kind of broke down on me. This is the first time he has really opened up about how much IF is affecting him. He is a manager at a large retail store and was telling me that he saw a little girl and her dad buying a birthday cake and candles and he just kept saying how badly he wanted that. It absolutely broke my heart. But at the same time, I love that he is finally opening up to me about how IF is affecting him. It makes me feel less alone in this whole situation.

How do your H/SO's handle all of this? Are they open about their feelings with IF? Or more closed off? I hope everyone is having a good weekend. ((hugs)) to those who need them!

RunCC37 · July 2013

Awww, I'm sorry to hear that your DH is feeling the stress of this journey, but at the same time it must be nice to know that you two are in it together.

My DH is very relaxed about the whole thing. Sometimes it makes me feel even more isolated, but it's good that at least one of us can be strong. I wouldn't be able to get through all of this without his support, and if he ever wavered then I'd be sunk. So even though his stoic stance on all of this burns me up sometimes, I know deep down that he does care, and he's just doing his best to hold me up.

BTW, your Siggy Challenge picture is AWESOME!!

happygirl1013 · July 2013

Dh is def more closed off because its easier in his world to shut it out. Guys don't go up to their friends and ask them when they are having kids, like women do to other women. After much communication, he now knows that we do need to talk about it sometimes. Especially because we have mfi issues, that can really get to a guy, which makes them want to talk about it less. We've found a good balance lately though

NJHopeful · July 2013

Awww your poor DH:( It's good he is opening up to you!

DH at first when he had no sperm he was really worried I would leave him which was absolutely crazy. Since taking the clomid and getting some swimmers he has a new sense of relaxation. I was actually a little upset bc he didn't lose it like me this month when our Iui didn't work out. I guess it's good one of us held it together! We talked for a while today though and he opened up alot about his fears.

shelbeans82 · July 2013

I check in with DH every so often, how's it going, how are you feeling about all this. Mostly, he just "goes with the flow." He admits he is a little disappointed when things don't work, but other than that he is fine. I wish sometimes he was more affected by everything, but as others have stated I am glad that he is my rock and that one of us is keeping it together.

jschwind22 · July 2013

My husband is generally pretty quiet, but he opens up about it occasionally and I know it hurts him more than he lets on. I'm just there for him whenever I can be just like he is for me.

kristinapedot · July 2013

Hello, My DH is generally happy and optimistic about life. When I get down about anything, he's always there to help me perk up. We recently had a chat about how it's ok to feel sad or disappointed the day I get my period, the day of our treatment, or any day in between. That's a normal part of this journey and trying to hide it doesn't help either of us. I'm so fortunate to have my DH. GL to you and yours!

EIK2013 · July 2013

Awww, that is so awesome that he is at least opening up to you and talking about it all! I could definitely see how that would help you not feel so alone.

My DH is definitely more closed off and he is more so my cheerleader. He HATES seeing me get upset while going through cycles, so he is constantly trying to make things better. During our break was really the first time he talked to me about wanting to TRULY be a Dad and this was the first break where I think he is more anxious to get back in the game than I am. But, for the most part, he is always there for me through cycles, but more so the cheerleader on the side line.

vpine · July 2013

The first 2 years DH was optimistic but lately has made comments that he wonders how life will be 'child less' and isn't optimistic anymore. He gets mad when his friends mention their kids, sometimes he wonders if God is punishing us for something we may have done, he's a yo-yo lately. I was actually the one with negative thoughts the first 2 yrs thinking I might never be a mom but now I'm the one more optimistic.

supermorena · July 2013

That's sweet how he opened up. I think guys tend to feel like they have to be the strong ones most of the time and are going through more than they let on. My hubby is so calm and always the optimist and thank goodness because we'd be in trouble if both of us were as crazy and emotional as me! Lol. He is most affected by everything when he sees how upset I get. He stays strong and is able to comfort me, but he'll let on a little to how frustrated he is and how much he wants to be a dad. Definitely a hard time for both of us, just expressed differently.

ZukiWife · July 2013

DH is usually pretty quiet about his feelings about everything but he doesn't really hold back when we do get talking about it. I'm the type of person that panics and worries about everything and he's always been really good for calming me back down. He's said that the testing does make him uncomfortable but be understands that it needs to be done.

The other day, we were driving around and I was really down in the dumps about everything and worrying about what to do next. (Where I live, we have no coverage for fertility treatments) I was freaking out because I have no idea how we're going to afford to do any sort of treatment and he just said "I'll sell my car, my motorcycle and my left kidney to make this work. When we're holding that baby in our arms, everything we do now will be 100% worth it". His optimism is what keeps me going.

lmlee15 · July 2013

My DH doesn't talk about it unless I bring it up which makes me feel sort've needy. We've been together just shy of 5 years so I know he doesn't talk about things much but he is very supportive. When I do ask him questions he'll tell me how he's feeling and he'll without question hold me when I start to cry and break down. I see how he is around children and we are both healthcare professionals so we're around kids all the time and I know he'll be a great father. Just wish he'd open up more to it on his own but I do agree with what someone already mentioned, guys don't just go up to other guys and ask them when they are having kids or how they feel about that stuff.

MrsN08 · July 2013

DH doesn't really talk about it at all. He will discuss things with me if I bring them up, but that's about it. He isn't typically one to talk about his feelings, which is hard sometimes, because I find it makes me feel a little bit like I'm alone in this journey. On the other hand, though, he is just very go with the flow about everything in life. He never gets overly excited about anything, and he never gets overly upset about anything. I am the complete opposite of that, so it helps balance our relationship and keeps me from getting overly emotional sometimes. So, that helps!

sarah_beth2005 · July 2013

My DH doesn't really talk about it. Every month he'll ask when I plan to take a pregnancy test, and I can tell he's disappointed when it's negative every time, but other than that, he really doesn't mention it. He's ok to talk about everything EXCEPT his feelings, which makes it harder on me. I've at least confided in a few close friends (and told some basic stuff to my mom about our IF), but he just doesn't seem to want to talk to anyone. Not even his mom, who I think would be a great help for him (she had several miscarriages before he was born (he's the 3rd child), so she understands it's not always easy). I wish he would open up more about it, but every time I bring it up he just says that it'll happen when it happens, and we'll keep doing whatever we need to do to make it happen.

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