His name or yours?

L Ros · June 2013

My ex and I are still fairly civil, and he is extremely excited for the pregnancy and baby. However, he hasn't always been such a great guy. Because of this, Im struggling with wether to give the baby his last name or mine. Have any of you been in similar situations, and if so, what did you end up doing?

ktedmon · June 2013

My baby's father is a jerk and not going to be much of a part of the baby's life. he's excited and all, but I already know he won't be paying child support and probably won't stay up on visitation since he lives in another state. When this first happened, I was going to use both of our last names with a hyphen. Since he's turned into such an ogre, I decided to use my own last name. He's going to object, but he's not going to have much say. With everything else that has gone on, I think it's in the best interest of my child to have the same last name as I do.

tracy41 · June 2013

Any doubt = yours. JMO. Although it is not uncommon for mom and child to have different last names these days it is still a PITA. Although it would have killed a part of my soul to keep XH's name I might have done it for my son just to avoid the number of times this issue has come up. Which is why DS2 has my name. Especially true when you're ex and not even currently involved.

Nokkouttmomma · June 2013

Like PP said, if you are questioning it even a little bit then you need to use yours. If he gets mad, he gets mad. Unless you think that you guys are going to get married and live happily ever after, your baby doesn't need his last name. You can always change it when he's older if his dad is the most amazing dad and you think you want them to "sound" related.

L Ros · June 2013

Thanks ladies! I've been back and forth on the idea but it seems like you all are thinking the same thing I was hoping for. I guess I just wanted to make sure I was making the right decision. Thanks!

inthelost · June 2013

I agree with that if there's any doubt, you should use yours. My BD is a jerk who wants nothing to do with our daughter, so I will det'finetly give her my last name..but it's a personal decision only you can make.

MinnesotaMomma91 · June 2013

My ds is going to have my last name. If i talked to his biodad it would be civil, but we dont talk hes uninterested in ds and frankly i like my last name better its a one of a kind german last name im proud to pass onto my little man

babymama619 · June 2013

BD and I weren't "together" when I conceived. I had thought about giving the baby his name for a middle name if it is a boy, but after finding out more and more horrible lies he told me I decided absolutely not. But maybe something like that could work for you.

Unless you are married or planning to live a life together I say stick with your name. I will also make logistics easier, school pickups, paperwork etc. Just less wondering from stranger I guess, which at this point I appreciate.

L Ros · June 2013

Well we definitely don't have a future together anymore. There are things that have been done and said that cannot be undone or unsaid. I just felt bad because when we originally planned on the baby and were together, I of course had just known the baby's last name would be his. Now that we are apart, I think I was just struggling with changing that picture. And I will still see his family which will make it hard. But Idont want to cause any future stresses for me with the baby having a different last name, so I think you guys have helped clear up my mind!

Runaway22 · June 2013

I agree with PPs, it is likely just easier to use your name. I would say it's also potentially less painful for the child, should the father never become involved in his/her life. Who needs a constant reminder that their dad was a deadbeat every time they write their name?

It's vain, but a shame BD isn't involved in my LO's life, though. His last name flows better than my last name haha

pregokat · June 2013

I used my own last name.

My sister used his last name and swears they used it against her in court during the custody trials..

If he isn't there to sign the birth certificate, don't give him the last name..

mel1987 · June 2013

Nokkouttmomma:
Like PP said, if you are questioning it even a little bit then you need to use yours. If he gets mad, he gets mad. Unless you think that you guys are going to get married and live happily ever after, your baby doesn't need his last name. You can always change it when he's older if his dad is the most amazing dad and you think you want them to "sound" related.

If you tjonk you will get married, still use your last name and change it after the wedding. I thought I was going to marru the father of my first two, never happened. I wish they had my last name.

CoIvie · June 2013

Your last name

MomToNeeners · June 2013

I agree with PP's..use your last name. My DD is a one and only child. Her father wouldn't sign her birth certificate papers and that's fine by me. It just means that if I ever find a guy I'm in a serious relationship and we get married, he will be able to adopt her.

amarie23c · June 2013

who will the baby be primarily with. im assuming you, so do u want a different last name. i gave my newborn mine. i feel like a family with me and her. her dad has only seen her once and only txt everyday to see how shes doing. im so happy with the choice i made. he recently asked me when we can change her last name to his cuz thats how it should be.. haha never guna happen that baby will always have the same as me, so until i have his last name she wont either. i have to raise the baby but he gets to have the satisfaction of carrying his saga? i dont think so, i do all the work i get the saticefaction

Gamera3000 · July 2013

amarie23c said:
. i have to raise the baby but he gets to have the satisfaction of carrying his saga? i dont think so, i do all the work i get the saticefaction

I was completely in the kid should have the fathers last name camp, but this is how I'm starting to feel. He keeps referring to the baby as "he" and acting like he's carrying on the family of him and his late father but I want the baby to be an individual. I'm taking care of and paying for the baby why should such important things be automatically his?

pregokat · July 2013

I used my own last name.

My sister gave her son the Bd last name and the judge used that against her in court somehow. But then I live in a small community and we have 1 judge for family court stuff and she's a major bitch who for some reason sides with men more than women. My sister got custody taken from her, and was ordered child support, which she is forced to pay even though her BD doesn't follow through with the visitation rules. She sees her son maybe once a year.

KMB611 · July 2013

My mom gave me her last name. At first she considered giving me my father's last name, but a friend of hers told her that if she eventually met someone and got married that it would be difficult for the step-father to adopt me because he would've had to get permission from my dad to change my last name. I'm glad she gave me her last name because he wasn't in my life until I was 28 years old, but that's another discussion board topic. Have you thought about hyphenating both last names for your baby?

KMB611 · July 2013

pregokat said:

I used my own last name.

My sister gave her son the Bd last name and the judge used that against her in court somehow. But then I live in a small community and we have 1 judge for family court stuff and she's a major bitch who for some reason sides with men more than women. My sister got custody taken from her, and was ordered child support, which she is forced to pay even though her BD doesn't follow through with the visitation rules. She sees her son maybe once a year.

That's awful! I've noticed that many female judges side with the father and I'm not understanding why. That really pisses me off.

eg214 · July 2013

People have been asking me...if baby doesn't have dad's last name does he still have to pay child support? The answer is yes right? I'm leaning towards giving baby my last name, but if it means support vs none...I will rethink. It's all on paternity right? The baby is his, he has to pay regardless of the name...right?

KMB611 · July 2013

SStinson1 said:

People have been asking me...if baby doesn't have dad's last name does he still have to pay child support? The answer is yes right? I'm leaning towards giving baby my last name, but if it means support vs none...I will rethink. It's all on paternity right? The baby is his, he has to pay regardless of the name...right?

You are correct in that he will have to pay CS regardless of whether or not the child has his last name. And depending on the state and/or judge, they'll require him to take a paternity test just so that the information is on file.

eg214 · July 2013

KMB611 said:

SStinson1 said:

People have been asking me...if baby doesn't have dad's last name does he still have to pay child support? The answer is yes right? I'm leaning towards giving baby my last name, but if it means support vs none...I will rethink. It's all on paternity right? The baby is his, he has to pay regardless of the name...right?

You are correct in that he will have to pay CS regardless of whether or not the child has his last name. And depending on the state and/or judge, they'll require him to take a paternity test just so that the information is on file.

Awesome. I figured this was a no brainer, but just wanted to verify. Thank you! Gotta start re-thinking names soon

EarthandFire · August 2013

I would highly recommend using yours. If you both agree down the road you can always change it but I for one regret letting my LO have his name because he left shortly there after. You could always hyphenate it as a compromise so legally later on you could drop his and just use yours and be legal but if I were to do it over again, even with signed paperwork by dad, I'd use my last name.

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