Wearing 9 1/2 month old down - Bad habit?

Kilcherm · July 2013

My son has been a pretty good sleeper so far. He has gone through several stages and various regressions, but for the most part he sticks to a predictable sleep pattern and goes down easy for his two naps and bedtime. However, for the past week, getting him down for the night has been getting more and more difficult. Last night was the worst so far: I started with a massage and soothing music (I don't give him daily baths, but I have tried bathing him before bed and it doesn't seem to make a difference). I sang to him, read him a couple stories, then began to nurse and rock him to sleep. Initially, he gets all relaxed and drowsy and even dozes off a couple times. But then when he's full, it's like he gets a second wind and starts becoming active again. He moves all around on my lap and just seems to FIGHT sleep. I'll stand up and try to sway with him, but once he starts fighting, it's like as soon as he feels sleepy again, he pops awake and starts writhing all around, and making those pre-cry huffing and puffing noises indicating frustration. For the past several nights, when I see him start to wake back up from that initial dozing, I put him in the ring sling and walk him down. Last night, I think I waited too long to put him in the sling (it was raining outside and I didn't feel like pacing in the house) because it took me over 3 HOURS to finally get him to sleep. But once again, the sling put him right to sleep. I was SO exhausted and frustrated by the end of it. I will never ever resort to CIO, which is what would happen if I put him to bed before he is completely asleep.

I feel bad for him because I can see he is clearly very tired! I know he needs his sleep. I want to make sure he is getting enough to grow and develop.

So here is my question for all you AP mommies (and daddies if you are a daddy reading this): Am I forming a bad habit or a bad sleep association by wearing him to sleep in the sling? My heart tells me that if this is how he feels most secure and comfortable, then it is the best thing for him right now. That I should just embrace it, and adapt knowing that following his cues has never steered me wrong yet; but I am also thinking of parents I've seen that cannot get their kids to sleep any way other then in the car. How can I avoid that with the sling? Maybe I shouldn't worry about that?

I appreciate any advice you can offer me. I am starting to dread bedtime, which makes me sad! Bedtime used to be a time of closeness, a time to relax and bond with my baby. I want that back! Most of all, I need some support from other parents. Thank you!

Emerald27 · July 2013

I say follow your heart and instincts! If your son is having some trouble falling asleep right now because of development or any other factor, but snuggling and wearing him helps him sleep, then that is gentle and good!

I'm of the opinion that the way babies fall asleep at each stage, whether by nursing or rocking or walking, should be treated like any other milestone that will be naturally outgrown. Chances are that this is just a little phase that will pass quickly, and within a couple weeks he'll be back to falling asleep more easily.

We all have different sleep associations (conditions that must be met for us to fall asleep) at different times in out lives. We need blankets just right, maybe a chapter of a book or a TV show or a game of words with friends on our phone. If we don't get it, we can't relax and unwind. Sleep associations are natural and normal, so it's ok if he has that association. It's not a bad habit, and he will outgrow it.

The important thing, since sleep associations are normal, is that you help create ones you can live with. I nurse DS to sleep, and I really enjoy it so I don't mind that being his sleep association for now. In a year or so, I might want to help him develop other sleep associations, but for now since it works, I'm not worried about it.

If walking around is working for you and him, there's nothing wrong with it. If its wearing you out, rocking or nursing him to sleep is good too. Best of luck!

ncbelle · July 2013

I still wore both my kids to sleep at that age. They actually grew out of it on their own around 1 or so. I'm a big fan of rolling with what works. IMO you are teaching him that going to sleep is a soothing processes - soon enough he will be able to do the soothing without your help.

pixieprincss · July 2013

I say do what works. It isn't a problem unless it actually is a problem! When it stops working for you or him, you'll find something else that is a fit for that age and stage then. DS1 did great with being worn down for naps at that age (and well beyond). At age 2.5 it is a rare delight when he falls asleep that way! In other words, even if you love it, it won't last forever, so get the babywearing snuggles in while you can if it works for each of you. Plus, bonus points for getting fresh air and exercise.

Kilcherm · July 2013

Thank you all very much for taking the time to offer your encouragement. I have taken your advice and trusted my instincts. I have worn him to sleep for the past couple nights and it worked great. We skipped the rocking chair altogether. I got him ready for bed, and put him in the sling to nurse himself to sleep while my husband and I reconnect during our evening walk. It is so much nicer.

I was very reassured to know that you all have gone through various changes in preferences with your babies. I guess I thought I should look at is as a red flag or something when he suddenly wouldn't go to sleep in the way he had previously preferred going to sleep for so long. But I guess it was the same with swaddling and other aspects of newborn sleep. One night, he told me in his little way that he was done being swaddled. And from that night on, he would fuss and cry when I swaddled him and go right to sleep when I removed the swaddle. So his preferences have always been evolving. I think maybe the reason it seemed more..... serious (?) this time was because he is now in more of a routine then when he was a newborn, so the change in preference seemed like it should be cause for concern. But you guys set me straight. Thank you so much!

I will continue to snuggle and walk him down until whatever comes next. And yes, I will enjoy it. Just as I enjoy his smiling face and little giggle at 4:00 AM after a restless night of bedsharing. Though I may feel tired, I think to myself - "Someday he will be a big boy, and he won't think his mommy is the greatest thing in this world."

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