WWYD - angelversary dilemma

meli1025 · July 2013

Hi ladies. So I recently received a "save the date" at work for a regional meeting that starts on 10/2 and ends on 10/4. This is smack in the middle of Ava's angleversary. We found out on 10/2 that her heart stopped and I delivered her on 10/4. Although this meeting is important, I'm really struggling with the idea of being away from home during this time. Would you welcome the distraction or get out of going? If I really want to get out of it I'm sure it can, even if it doesn't look good if I'm not there. I just can't figure out what to do. For those of you that had first angelversaries pass..how did you do? Could you imagine being stuck at a two day work conference? The ONLY good thing is that 10/4 is just a travel day home. So at least if I go I can come home and go straight to the cemetery and then be home for the rest of the weekend. Thoughts?

TIA and ((hugs)) to all.

princezjk · July 2013

I am really sorry you have to face this dilemma. Clearly this a personal decision, have you spoken to your husband about what he thinks? His input might make your decision easier. I would also throw it out there that if going is something you think you may want to do, rsvp yes. Though canceling last minute may not be ideal, its probably not the worst thing you could do. Whatever you decide, know it is the right choice and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! (((Hugs)))

jess123456 · July 2013

Hi Meli,

Like the other person said, it is a totally personal decision. I think you have to do what you feel is right for you. Remember that just because you aren't physically at the cemetery on the day doesn't mean you aren't thinking of Ava but then again you might feel best being there that day instead of at a conference. That's tricky. Our daughter's angelversary is in September so just before Ava's so I haven't been through this yet. I know my message is probably of no help at all. Like the other person said, whatever you decide to do will be the best choice for you. Perhaps talk to your husband about it too. Hugs to you. I know that having that day quickly approaching is very hard.

OSUWifey09 · July 2013

***SIGGY*** [maybe? TB is being weird with my siggy...]

Our angelversary isn't here yet, but it's coming up in less than a month. I'm like you - my big milestone days stretch over two separate days. We found out Devon was gone on August 17, and he was born sleeping on August 19. I work for a university, and I'm supposed to work on the 17th [a Saturday]; the first day of school is the 19th. I've gotten out of working on the 17th, and I'm definitely taking at least half a day on the 19th [if not the full day]. The first day of school is traditionally the busiest day of the semester, but I can't imagine holding it together all day on such an emotionally charged day. I want to be able to take the time to hold a small memorial, to cry, to look at pictures, to grieve, without having to worry about work or other obligations.

Is it possible for you to talk to a supervisor or boss about the meeting, and see what your options are for missing it? Maybe that will help you make your decision. If that isn't an option - or even if it is - you should just sit down and think it over, maybe talk to your H about it [like pp suggested]. Make the decision for yourself; I know it'll be the right one for you. Even if you go to the conference, I know that Ava will be on your mind, and in your heart - even if you're away from her on that day physically, you won't be emotionally. She'll know you're there. *hugs*

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · July 2013

****siggy warning***

Last year, DH and I decided to take the trip of a life time - a Mediterranean cruise. The one we wanted to go on (we went with my parents) just so happened to leave (well the flying portion of it anyway) on Corbin's first birthday. My parents are 3 hours away (and where we were flying out of) and DH's family is local. We met DH's family at the cemetery and sang happy birthday, released balloons and ate cupcakes and left gifts for Corbin and then headed up to my parents to leave for our trip.

I don't know if you flying at all but I've found that I really love flying now because I feel closer to heaven. I don't know if I'd be able to sit through a work conference during that time but being able to go to the cemetery when you get back and on an important date would help me feel better. I'd talk to DH and get his input as well. He may need you around for his support. Ultimately it's your call. Best of luck.

lrichmond86 · July 2013

Ticker warning. ...

This is a tough situation and I'm sorry that you're in a position to make this choice. For me, the day we found out that baby Gary had passed was harder than the day that I actually delivered. This surprised me quite a bit. I was in school and it just kind of hit me when it was that time on the clock. If it were me, I would probably try to get out of it. Angelversariesare hard and if you don't know how you'll react you might just want to lay low for it in case it hits you hard. Big hugs, mama! This one's not easy.

angelsnight · July 2013

Ticker warning

I'm sorry you have to make this decision. Honestly if it were me, I would probably just want to be at home, curled up on the couch with some Oreos. Can you talk to your boss and let him or her know the situation and find out how vital it is that you're there? Is there anyway your husband could come with you and once you're done with work stuff you two could do some things that help you honor Ava?

Big hugs to you, I've still got 8 months until Kayla's angelversary so I can't give any advice on how it went for me, but I think you should be very good to yourself on such hard days and if you can get out of it without it looking too bad, I would.

meli1025 · July 2013

Thanks everyone for your responses. I think I'm going to talk to my boss about it and see how bad it will look if I don't go. DH is ok with whatever I decide, he is the type of person who tries to avoid being sad (not healthy, I know) where I am the type of person that likes to face it and let myself cry my eyes out. I know I will want to cry my eyes out on those days.

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