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advice

newby1newby1 member
in Blended Families
I am a FTM and he is second time dad. I have a 10yr old step daughter that I've helped raise since she was 2. We have her 50/50. Last night I found out that my husband wants a divorce and he is very serious because he is calling the realtor Monday. I'm completely devistated and have been crying for 24 hours. I was able to get him to talk to me today about it and I asked him how he can do this with me only 10 weeks till I'm due and why doesn't he want to try and work this out all he said is how he isn't happy anymore. Does anyone know what rights I have over him with my LO? We agreed 6 yrs ago if I ever had a baby with him it's all or nothing and today he says he's going to fight me for custody! Ughh I'm so upset I just don't know what to do
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Re: advice

  • khetzelkhetzel
    Get a lawyer. Now. And hang in there!
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  • PamelacakePamelacake member

    Definitely get an attorney as soon as you can and have a good job lined up if you don't already!

    So sorry for your situation. GL

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  • Lavender PLavender P member
    Get a lawyer first thing Monday morning and do not leave that house no matter what he says about selling it.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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  • stephcarterstephcarter member
    Exactly what everyone else said. Get a lawyer ASAP! Don't leave the house. If threats are made towards you because you won't leave, call the police. Hang in there. Make sure you're taking care of yourself in the meantime. 

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  • SigirSigir member
    Ita w others about getting a lawyer. However, what about asking your dh for counseling before making any final decisions? He owes that to you and your baby IMO. My exh also demanded a divorce, but for me it aw shortly after the birth of our baby. I told him he owed it to us to give it our all before divorce, since we have a child. For us, it ended up that we divorced anyway, but it gave me some answers and at least I felt I gave it my all.

    For someone to demand a divorce out of the blue is very odd and something else must be going on.
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  • twister22twister22 member
    Ditto what everyone else said about not leaving the house and getting a lawyer. I also agree with sigir, if I were in your shoes I would tell DH I refused to sign any divorce related papers unless we had x months of counseling (for me 6 seems to be the magic number) where he truly gave it his all.
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  • Lavender PLavender P member
    Sigir said:

    For someone to demand a divorce out of the blue is very odd and something else must be going on.

    I agree with this. He seems to be in a big hurry to end the marriage and get out. The first thing I thought was that he is in a new relationship and wants to wrap up this one. I think counseling coul be very beneficial, even of it is just to give you closure. Good luck.

    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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  • fellesferiefellesferie member
    Definitely get a lawyer. Don't wait. 

    Do your best to think logically and not emotionally. I know it's hard--I've been there. And I made a lot of mistakes because I was hurt and scared. Start making copies of financial information, and open your own account at a DIFFERENT bank or credit union. You need to convince yourself there will be time to mourn and be pissed, but now is the time to be smart about stuff. For your kids if not for yourself.

    Are you both on the mortgage? 

    As Sigir said, I would definitely ask for counseling. When XH asked for a divorce, I wanted counseling. My thought was that I wanted to be able to tell DS that we tried. But XH refused, and I couldn't force him. He was having an affair, so he was done. Though I still don't know if/how he will one day explain his actions to DS.

    Even if you and YH climb back from this ledge, you need to remember how he handled this. You can forgive, but you can't forget. Start looking out for yourself and your child. Know your rights. Know the laws of your state. Keep a bank account in only your name at a separate financial institution. 
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  • PamelacakePamelacake member
    I love @Sigir 's advice and in some states and counties counseling is mandatory when children are involoved.
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  • 2chatter2chatter member
    That is so scary.  I will say that it's not all that unusual for men to freak out before the birth of a child; it's uber strange to me, but many stray.  I'd say counseling as he's not the first to try to bolt with a pregnant wife.  Curious, why did his first marriage end?
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