? on Etiquette for registries for 2nd time mom...

AngLK987 · July 2013

I have no intention of mentioning anything about a baby shower or anything for LO2, but I have a feeling some of my family members will want to throw one (any reason to have a party), I know they're generally a no-no, but do you think it would be okay to set up a registry for a few things that we need to replace since DD1, in case someone asks if we need/want anything? We have most everything we need, but I'd really like to trade our bassinet for a rock-n-play, and our swing that we got second hand for DD1 broke, so I'd like to register for those, and if nobody buys them we could at the very least use the discount for completing our registry to buy them ourselves. Thoughts? Tacky?

FTR:

I'm not going to pull what MH's cousin is doing, by inviting distant relatives to her shower where she's outlined exactly what she wants, also made herself a facebook event for her shower, and spammed up FB about all the things she wants for her shower. yeah. no thanks. I only plan to give out the link if someone should ask.

Anyway would appreciate feedback, thanks.

Nikkijo1022 · July 2013

Im a FTM so im not sure on etiquette but I just had a good friend in this situation. She adopted her 1st/had a shower and now with her 2nd her family wanted to do something while she was carrying. She did a co-Ed "social" (ie no games, lots of food and drinks, guys played cards, women talked etc) and people brought expendable gifts. I think the invite said there was no registry but to bring a pack of diapers in the brand she liked and/or some formula she planned to use. Some brought baskets of baby food, diaper rash cream,
baby shampoo, etc... but no one brought clothes or toys because she has that. I didn't think it was tacky and it was really fun. No gift opening and she got to celebrate with family and friends. If you're finding out gender you could also do something like this and incorporate the gender reveal (even if you find out before!) it would be fun to have everyone wear pink or blue. Sorry for the rambling message!!

thusain7712 · July 2013

this is my third, but i got rid of all the little things as i didnt want any more (so i thought). i thankfully still have the large items, aside from a crib...no clothes, no blankets, nothing...and i know my family will throw us a shower for all those things.

i plan on registering...but not really forcing it on anyone either. i had a shower will my other two as well. each time different theme and different things were needed. but all my kids are also 5 years apart...so you end up tossing a lot as time goes on and you swear you are done LOL

i would say do what you feel like. register so if anyone ask you can say oh yeah its here...and if they dont ask, then it should be fun seeing what you get

Dezchick13 · July 2013

I'm curious to read the responses here. This is our 2nd but when my husband lost his job last year we had to sell a lot of stuff to make ends meet so we literally have a changing table and pack and play left. I'm not quite sure what to do either. I don't want to look greedy or something.

JordyInIndy · July 2013

psk said:
I totally wouldn't judge a STM who has a registry. People are still going to want to buy gifts for the baby, and also, why should a second time mom not get the registry competition discount? Showers area an entirely different issue (to me).

Yes! I'm a STM and I made a couple registries already, but it's because I got gift cards for making them!

iwubrory · July 2013

JordyInIndy said:

I totally wouldn't judge a STM who has a registry. People are still going to want to buy gifts for the baby, and also, why should a second time mom not get the registry competition discount? Showers area an entirely different issue (to me).
Yes! I'm a STM and I made a couple registries already, but it's because I got gift cards for making them!

Where can I make a registry and get a free gift card??

hopefuldog · July 2013

Call me old fashioned, but I don't agree with showers or registering for 2nd time moms generally. (There are some exceptions to this, 1st time for one of the parents, huge age gap since last baby, surprise pregnancy after giving all baby items away, etc). Go ahead and register yourself for the discount only, but if someone asks what you want/need, why can't you give a few ideas like you would for birthdays/holidays. If your family wants to throw a small shower, that is out of your control, but even then, I like the idea of socializing and buying diapers, etc for it. I've also heard of bringing used items for those showers for moms who had given everything away. Sorry, I know I'm minority here, but I do look at it as greedy.

slwprincess · July 2013

Once we knew the gender of #2 was opposite of first one, my family made it clear they wanted to throw me a shower. I registered for only a few items but mostly everyone gave baby clothes which was perfect. This time, I have given most of our stuff away to family/friends but I think they will return most of it to get it out of their house! I would really prefer not to have a shower as I think it's pretty questionable for #3. If they insist, I will ask for it to be a diaper shower or something. No registry.

BellaV915 · July 2013

I think it's old fashioned to not have a baby shower for each child. Baby showers don't need to be about the gifts but more about celebrating with friends and family, the registry is more of a "This is what we don't have yet " and more often than not friends and family will be buying gifts for you and baby anyway. I'm pregnant with my 2nd now (10 years after my first) and we are for sure having a baby shower with registry. Even my girlfriends that have had 3 or more have. Besides would you want your second to feel left out when you are going through photo albums later in life?

samanthadarneille · July 2013

I have a friend who wants to throw me a shower for this LO, I am STM but I never had a shower with my first due to being on the east coast while my whole family is west. My mom said its fine since I never had a first baby shower, but if thats the case I sincerly hope this LO is a boy. I couldn't imagine having a shower/sprinkle for another girl since i already have everything I'd need.

I am yes and no on registries. I started one at BRU so I could keep track of things I wanted personally.

I am actually going to a shower today and kept asking my friend what she needed/wanted. She always said "go check out my registry" which is tacky and it is seriously all wash clothes and crap like thay. IMO if you register don't share it with people unless they are long distance.

JordyInIndy · July 2013

iwubrory said:

JordyInIndy said:

psk said:
I totally wouldn't judge a STM who has a registry. People are still going to want to buy gifts for the baby, and also, why should a second time mom not get the registry competition discount? Showers area an entirely different issue (to me).
Yes! I'm a STM and I made a couple registries already, but it's because I got gift cards for making them!

Where can I make a registry and get a free gift card??

I'm not really sure HOW these places new I was pregnant, but I got a flyer from BRU and Target saying if I created a registry there I'd get a gift card. I didn't plan on registering anywhere but for $20 from Target and $10 from BRU you bet I made a quick registry.

JordyInIndy · July 2013

samanthadarneille said:

I am actually going to a shower today and kept asking my friend what she needed/wanted. She always said "go check out my registry" which is tacky and it is seriously all wash clothes and crap like thay. IMO if you register don't share it with people unless they are long distance.

If she's a FTM I don't see the issue with this. She registered for the exact things you were asking (things she wanted/needed) and since she isn't sure what people have and haven't gotten her she directed you to her registry. I don't think it's tacky. It's what registries are for.

mcginnie86 · July 2013

A lot of people have "sprinkles" for their second (and so on) babies - more like a low key brunch, often out in a restaurant, with fewer gifts, but still some gifts. For example, I only have a boy so far, so if we find out this baby is a girl, I know many members of my family will want to go crazy pink clothes shopping. We also lost some of our baby items from DS when we moved, so I do have a small registry that I will give out upon request. I know there is etiquette but I don't think it needs to be the law of the land. If your family and friends want to throw you 12 baby showers, they should be able to!

kvlrn · July 2013

I see nothing wrong with having a "sprinkle" for your second baby. You can always use diapers and wipes.

Edit: especially if you're having a different gender than your first. Register up!

samanthadarneille · July 2013

JordyInIndy said:

samanthadarneille said:

I am actually going to a shower today and kept asking my friend what she needed/wanted. She always said "go check out my registry" which is tacky and it is seriously all wash clothes and crap like thay. IMO if you register don't share it with people unless they are long distance.
If she's a FTM I don't see the issue with this. She registered for the exact things you were asking (things she wanted/needed) and since she isn't sure what people have and haven't gotten her she directed you to her registry. I don't think it's tacky. It's what registries are for.

She is having her second girl, guess maybe I left that part out.

shashonie · July 2013

I say register and put it out there. Having a celebration that may or may not include gifts (I would make them optional), is totally fine. My DD will be 7 when this kid is born and I really don't have much leftover from the first time. I think it's fine to celebrate and put a registry out as long as it doesn't look greedy.

halfthetree · July 2013

I wil have a registry, if anything for us to keep track of what we need and then use the completion discount for a new crib or the carseat.
I don't think they are tacky, it's organized and easier to send people there if they do ask.

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