Super belated HTT: Genderless children

laurenmdrn16 · July 2013

So I have been completely MIA. Work, car stuff, out of state conferences, OB appointments, family drama...you name it, it has happened in these past 2 weeks. Anyways, I did read this article and wanted to share it (and it is not from Yahoo!). This may have been discussed, but I just wanted to see what you ladies think.

https://www.everydayfamily.com/blog/parents-raising-genderless-children/

Basically, it is about a family who is choosing to raise their children "genderless" meaning no one will know what sex the child is. "Genderless" may be a misnomer (let's not get into the gender vs sex debate!), but either way no one (except I am guessing anyone who changes the diapers) will know what bits the baby has. And the family will not refer to the child as "he" or "she", but only use gender-neutral pronouns. I have heard of this before reading about this specific family and have very strong views. I don't want to show my hand, but just stir the pot and hear your opinions, whether they be the same or different. Selfishly, I need a diversion right now. Hope everything is going well ladies! I haven't had a chance to catch up (still not quite used to the changes on TB), but will see if I can get back on the horse!

allymp13 · July 2013

I think this is completely self serving to the parents so they can pat themselves on the back and say he/she played with trucks and dolls equally. Sorry I think this fantasy only lasts as long as you are picking out the kids clothes and providing the toys. I know when I was little I wanted dresses and pink and barbies and all that girly stuff, it was never forced on me by society.

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laurenmdrn16 · July 2013

Thanks NRyan! Yeah, now I just need to work out the siggy/ticker situation and I'll be rocking and a-rollin'! But I can gif!!!! Wahooo!

SuperSecretStatus · July 2013

I wouldn't be able to do it, and I honestly don't think it's necessary. There are ways to avoid "forcing" stereotypical things on your children without going to extremes.

hartsl01 · July 2013

allymp13 said:

I think this is completely self serving to the parents so they can pat themselves on the back and say he/she played with trucks and dolls equally. Sorry I think this fantasy only lasts as long as you are picking out the kids clothes and providing the toys. I know when I was little I wanted dresses and pink and barbies and all that girly stuff, it was never forced on me by society.
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I agree with this. I was all about makeup, dresses and dolls when I was little, so much so, that I wouldn't take t-ball pictures without full stage make-up. My mom loves those pictures.

Weljadraak · July 2013

I can understand them not wanting gender stereotypes, but this seems insane.

Side note: Jazz? Yeah, that's not something other kids will tease about, either.

layali · July 2013

anamouse said:

I can understand wanting to raise the child without forcing them into the gender mold (ie. girls play with dolls, boys play with cars - no exceptions), but not telling anyone the sex of the baby is ridiculous. I don't think it will make the child's life any easier either especially once they start school.

I agree with this (and with the other PPs). I think that kids figure out what they like pretty early, unless they are shamed into hiding it. There's no need to obfuscate your child's sex to try to raise them as a 'blank slate'. As soon as they start preschool, daycare, or kindergarten that's all going to fly out the window anyways.

ohkay · July 2013

I'm curious how this is going to work once the child is in school. The child's gender is a required field while filling out paperwork. Are they going to fight it? Are they planing on homeschooling? Also what if the child wants to play sports. Not many are co-ed. Are the parents going to deny them the opportunity because it would reveal his or her gender? This seems absurd to me. What are they going to do when puberty roles around? There will be no hiding the child's gender then.

I am all for not putting traditional gender pressure on children. My daughter has hot wheels and action figures and plays cops and robbers. If I had a son, I would be fine with him cooking and playing with baby dolls, but I think they are taking this too far. I think they will do more harm than good. I picture their children in therapy later in life with identity issues.

Weljadraak · July 2013

ohkay said:

I'm curious how this is going to work once the child is in school. The child's gender is a required field while filling out paperwork. Are they going to fight it? Are they planing on homeschooling? Also what if the child wants to play sports. Not many are co-ed. Are the parents going to deny them the opportunity because it would reveal his or her gender? This seems absurd to me. What are they going to do when puberty roles around? There will be no hiding the child's gender then. I am all for not putting traditional gender pressure on children. My daughter has hot wheels and action figures and plays cops and robbers. If I had a son, I would be fine with him cooking and playing with baby dolls, but I think they are taking this too far. I think they will do more harm than good. I picture their children in therapy later in life with identity issues.

Gender: Unspecified

missy0000 · July 2013

I can only see this ending up with an adult who is in therapy, emotional issues and a feeling of not belonging anywhere. The article even said the child didnt want to go to school.

CousinVicki · July 2013

this is insane, and an offshoot of the parents' mental problems

pandaglitter · July 2013

There is nothing wrong with gender. If people weren't meant to be male or female (mentally) we wouldn't have people who are transgendered or transsexual. Our gender is part of our identity and making a child ignore that part I feel could be really damaging to their self esteem. Gender stereotypes are bull, and I think boys and girls should be able to do whatever age appropriate things they want, but I feel like raising them to have a choice and be confident in who they are is most important. I love being "girly" and wearing dresses and carrying a baby (at times lol) and having a vagina. And there's nothing wrong with that in my opinion. I still like to kick guys asses at pool and poker and wear pants if I want to.

There are two distinct, physically and mentally different sexes for a reason. That's how people are made to procreate and all that jazz. It doesn't mean that men and women can't do the same things, but we do have different brain chemistries. I think ignoring that could make kids think that it's "bad" to want to do things associated with their sex and gender. My brother fully dressed in my clothes and jewelry when he was younger, and I think things like that are fab. Taking away gender entirely makes integrating into society difficult. I do see the point in not wanting kids to feel pressured, but I think letting them choose and doing what they feel comfortable doing and building up their self esteem are better ways to do that.

bnikiz · July 2013

Way over Board and they will probably mess the kid up severely. we Never pushed anything on dd. She plays with cars and catches bugs with dh. She also loves tutus and tea parties. Forcing a child to be genderless is just as bad as forcing them into one or the other.

ohkay · July 2013

Weljadraak said:

ohkay said:

I'm curious how this is going to work once the child is in school. The child's gender is a required field while filling out paperwork. Are they going to fight it? Are they planing on homeschooling? Also what if the child wants to play sports. Not many are co-ed. Are the parents going to deny them the opportunity because it would reveal his or her gender? This seems absurd to me. What are they going to do when puberty roles around? There will be no hiding the child's gender then.

I am all for not putting traditional gender pressure on children. My daughter has hot wheels and action figures and plays cops and robbers. If I had a son, I would be fine with him cooking and playing with baby dolls, but I think they are taking this too far. I think they will do more harm than good. I picture their children in therapy later in life with identity issues.

Gender: Unspecified

Ha!

Phalaenopsis · July 2013

CousinVicki said:

this is insane, and an offshoot of the parents' mental problems

haha this!

sfshorter · July 2013

CousinVicki said:

this is insane, and an offshoot of the parents' mental problems

This. I think it is a form of emotional abuse and these people need to be evaluated.

AndreaJS22 · July 2013

Completelty, utterly ridiculous. I feel bad for their child.

tmccord21 · July 2013

This is a little cray. I don't plan on inplenting a gender on my son. He can bake, play with dolls, I don't give a sh't. If he wants to have a pink backpack, cool. I will never tell him that he can't have or do something because it's girly. But why make it a big AW thing when it doesn't need to be.

norbert5 · July 2013

I feel bad for the older son. He doesn't go to school because he doesn't want to be made fun of. That is so sad. Going to to school should be an exciting milestone for a child.

Children like to experiment but let them lead the way. If he wants to wear a dress, fine. If my little girls wants to wear her hair short and wear "boy" clothes fine. These parents are little too nutty for me.

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Super belated HTT: Genderless children

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