I have to vent!!!

Meery82 · July 2013

I posted about a month ago about being a bridesmaid in my friend's out of state wedding and my husband not wanting to wanting to spend the money to go. So today, all the bridesmaids get a text from her sister saying that the bride wants a lingerie shower when we all get into town. And no Victoria's Secret. She has plenty of that. She wants Agent Provocateur. For those of you that aren't aware, it is one of the most expensive lingerie brands there is. I am so sick of this wedding so far and it hasn't even happened! A regular shower wasn't good enough?! She has to have an over the top lingerie shower, too?? Her sister is delusional also, she is married to the manager of a famous singer, so money is no option for her and apparently she thinks it isn't for us as well. Isn't it enough that we are all spending money on airline tickets, hotels, and bridesmaid dresses?? I had to vent before I laid into both of them! I can't handle it!!

dobrydney · July 2013

I'm normally over on the November 13 BMB but I happened to see this and I'd want to throat punch her for you if it makes you feel any better! I would think it was tacky even if people didn't have to travel very far.

JackieA2013 · July 2013

Sorry that this wedding experience has been so unpleasant for you. I agree that specifying the brand of lingerie to give at a lingerie shower is way over-the-top. However, throwing a shower and/or bachelorette party for the bride are kind of par for the course for bridesmaids - out of town or not.

However, I've been in plenty of weddings where some of the fellow bridesmaids, simply could not swing all the costs associated with the wedding. They were honest about it, and we did not include them in the shower/party costs. They still attended and helped with the logistics and stuff, so they were still hostesess, even if it wasn't financially. Maybe you could mention this to lead organizer. Just tell her you're tapped out, and can't help with shower costs.

Good luck. I hope the weekend is fun and that the bride has a wonderful time being celebrated by her bridesmaids, friends, and family.

EastCoastBride · July 2013

I agree w/ somerandomchick. Speak up. Tell her that you wish you could participate, but it's outside of your budget.

EastCoastBride · July 2013

And maybe make it a "reply all" so that the others see it and maybe they'll back you up!!!

But seriously- just say no. They can't make you do htis. This is NOT one of your "duties".

PrimRoseMama · July 2013

I would decline to participate and apologize profusely but you cannot accommodate the expense of a lingerie shower in your budget.

Disneygeek77 · July 2013

Yeah, just RSVP no. You simply can't do everything and hopefully your friend gets her head out of her butt when this wedding is done.

KMB611 · July 2013

Is there a need to have expensive lingerie? You only have it on for about 20 to 30 seconds before it gets ripped off.

KMB611 · July 2013

EastCoastBride said:

I agree w/ somerandomchick. Speak up. Tell her that you wish you could participate, but it's outside of your budget.

I agree! Isn't enough that you're a bridesmaid in the wedding?! That alone gets costly between purchasing the dress, shoes, undergarments, etc.

Meery82 · July 2013

Thanks everyone. One of the other bridesmaids said all she can afford is the pasties and that everyone should just buy what they can afford. LOL. Hopefully her sister took the hint. I'm hoping they plan it for Friday so I won't even have to be there for it. Most of them are flying in on Friday but I cannot until Saturday due to work. (The wedding is on Sunday.) If it comes up again, I will say something.

SingleMom31 · July 2013

I was in a wedding like that. The wedding was a 2.5 hr plane ride away and there were multiple events without much consideration for budgets or that I had a life where I couldn't drop everything to fly out (I have to give a fair amt of notice at work for time off and have a limited amount). By the time the wedding was over, we weren't friends.

74dragonfly · July 2013

Id buy a karma sutra book and some KY jelly and wrap it up for a fun (and cheap) gift. That way you are not empty handed but also not out $$$$ .

RibbitGrl930 · July 2013

Ugh...since when did it become okay to ask for a shower, much less demand where guests should purchase gifts? It doesn't matter if showers are "par for the course" as a bridesmaid, because showers are meant as *gifts.* No one (bride-to-be, mother-to-be) should ever ask for one or make any demands as to any details of any that my be given. So rude

polinaant · July 2013

Everyone go splits on a 300.00 thong. Maybe then she'll realize how ridiculous her request is.

nicholssquared · July 2013

Meery82 said:

I posted about a month ago about being a bridesmaid in my friend's out of state wedding and my husband not wanting to wanting to spend the money to go. So today, all the bridesmaids get a text from her sister saying that the bride wants a lingerie shower when we all get into town. And no Victoria's Secret. She has plenty of that. She wants Agent Provocateur. For those of you that aren't aware, it is one of the most expensive lingerie brands there is. I am so sick of this wedding so far and it hasn't even happened! A regular shower wasn't good enough?! She has to have an over the top lingerie shower, too?? Her sister is delusional also, she is married to the manager of a famous singer, so money is no option for her and apparently she thinks it isn't for us as well. Isn't it enough that we are all spending money on airline tickets, hotels, and bridesmaid dresses?? I had to vent before I laid into both of them! I can't handle it!!

Solution: Suggest that the sister host and subsidize everyone's gift budget, since she seems to be so out-of-touch.

Or go to Wal-Mart and buy a thong.

jlmckenzie · July 2013

While I do agree with the PPs that you should politely decline and she can just deal with it, I did pop on over to their website where they are having a 75% off sale. Check it out.. Disco Pasties! $10! LOL. They are out of stock on the gold, but they are still available in bright blue sparkles!

https://www.agentprovocateur.com/us-main-nav/sale/accessories/info/disco-pasties~blue

)

SingleMom31 · July 2013

jlmckenzie said:
While I do agree with the PPs that you should politely decline and she can just deal with it, I did pop on over to their website where they are having a 75% off sale. Check it out.. Disco Pasties! $10! LOL. They are out of stock on the gold, but they are still available in bright blue sparkles!

https://www.agentprovocateur.com/us-main-nav/sale/accessories/info/disco-pasties~blue

)

You could be a peach and attach the old poem, Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue...

Meery82 · July 2013

SingleMom31 said:

While I do agree with the PPs that you should politely decline and she can just deal with it, I did pop on over to their website where they are having a 75% off sale. Check it out.. Disco Pasties! $10! LOL. They are out of stock on the gold, but they are still available in bright blue sparkles!

https://www.agentprovocateur.com/us-main-nav/sale/accessories/info/disco-pasties~blue

)
You could be a peach and attach the old poem, Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue...

LOL! Good idea!!

keg79380 · July 2013

In was in a similar situation. I was out of town for my friend's events and wedding. She had two maid of honors and they were basically competing to see who could throw the bigger party. After having to buy two plane tickets to come in for the wedding I simply told the MOH that I could only pay a certain amount and no more...they were very understanding. Thank goodness because if they hadn't been I would have not been able to go but still pay even without being there. Everyone has their own personal finances and it's no one else's business, but hopefully you have bridesmaids that will respect your limit...just STICK TO IT! As for shower gift, the bride should and will hopefully be grateful whatever she gets; I had a lingerie shower and some of the cutest stuff was actually ended up being from Target. Do what you're able to do and don't feel pressured to spend something you don't want. Trust me it was a headache for me, but felt much better after I gave a budget to the bridesmaids. Good luck!

ljanette85 · July 2013

I would just be honest about what your budget is. I Agee that some people get out of control and completely forget that maybe their bridesmaid don't have a million dollars. Tell that point blank what you can spend and if its not good enough then maybe it's better for you and your friendship to not be in the wedding.

amandarins · July 2013

You can't ask for a shower.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

Just say no.

tashad18 · July 2013

How rude to demand a specific type of gift and more so one that is over the top expensive. I had a lingerie party thrown for me by my bridesmaids at my bachelorette party. I received everything from Victoria's Secret to Target/Wal-Mart, to Nordstroms. I loved them all and just appreciated that my friends did something nice for me.

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