Is is appropriate?

KMB611 · July 2013

Is it appropriate to have a baby shower after you've already had children? A family member of mine is pregnant with her third child and has registered for baby gifts again. Her other two children are 8 and 16. I thought that you only get one shower and if you choose to have more children, you're on your own with buying the essentials. Thanks for your help.

RachieTK · July 2013

A registry doesn't always mean a shower... Some people register for the completion coupon. I didn't have a shower with my first, but I registered. People buy gifts when babies are born. I buy larger gifts for first babies, but of a friend is a close one, I get a significant gift when a new child is born, having nothing to do with a shower...

PunkyBooster · July 2013

I agree with Rachie. I don't assume a registry means shower but I do side eye that her registry is public.

I plan to register at PBK for 2 but keep it private. I want a few pricey towels and sheets and the completion discount to buy them with! DS got some from there and they are amazing quality so I want the next kid to have a couple too.

mysticl · July 2013

I've known people who have registered for a second baby because people keep asking them what they need for the baby. It's just ends up being easier to register.

tashad18 · July 2013

I did a registry to keep track of what I wanted and already purchased, etc. Registering was easier to me than making a spreadsheet or list. I haven't told anyone about it though unless I'm asked specifically for it. I had no plans for a shower at the time I did my registry.

That being said, this is my 2nd child (DS is 10), and I am having a shower held by my cousins. It's not a traditional play games type shower. It's only family and my very closest 4 friends who were buying baby gifts anyway and they wanted to do a brunch with dessert to get together. I'm sure some people will still find this "wrong", but my family wanted to do it, and it's very small and intimate so I said yes.

EMunion777 · July 2013

I think it is kinda tacky if you have a child that is not all that old that is the same sex. I'm getting a second baby shower even though my daughter is 2. ONLY because we are having a child of the opposite sex so everything we have already is pink and girly AND ONLY because my mother insisted on it. But it's only going to be close family and it'll probably be more like a bbq get together.

mZito · July 2013

We're having one. My MIL mom insisted since our first DD will be 11 when this LO is born. We plan on buying all the big items putting smaller items on the registry. Both of our families have waited a long time for this baby, since we were told we couldn't get pregnant again unless we did IVF, so everyone is super excited.

theseaword · July 2013

I wouldn't assume registry equals shower, unless the posted the link on FB or something. I have a registry I use to keep all my planned purchases together. It's through amazon so it's easy to see when certain items drop prices or go out of stock. I don't share it.

lashagu · July 2013

I don't think is that bad, with a third child you can't really reuse a lot of stuff, even if you had neutral colors. It doesn't matter how many kids you may have you always want to buy a few new things for the baby, and friends and families are always going to offer to get something so is good to be prepared. Also I agree the completion coupon is a good deal to get.

MorrisMamaof3 · July 2013

msspeedymarie:
EMunion777:
I think it is kinda tacky if you have a child that is not all that old that is the same sex. I'm getting a second baby shower even though my daughter is 2. ONLY because we are having a child of the opposite sex so everything we have already is pink and girly AND ONLY because my mother insisted on it. But it's only going to be close family and it'll probably be more like a bbq get together.
This is not a reason to have a shower. You should have planned ahead and registered for neutral items. It's not the responsibility of everyone you know to replace all your stuff because you bought girly stuff the first time.
I wouldn't count on getting big-ticket items this time around. People are most likely going to only get you clothes or diapers. If you have a pink PnP and carseat, your either going to have to replace them yourself, or your boy will live with it.

RUDE much???? If someone wants to throw you a "SHOWER" for your 2nd, 3rd, 10th child..WHO CARES!! Its their life..not yours..and your opinion will not change anyone else's mind. So go on with your day and hopefully tomorrow you wake up on the right side of the bed.

marcobonny · July 2013

I think of a baby shower as of celebrating the baby. Gifts are never a demand to bring to the shower. But I think it's nice to bring something whether its diapers or baby shampoo that they would for sure need for the new baby. I don't see a problem in celebrating the close arrival of a new baby!

RibbitGrl930 · July 2013

Happy_Yahoo_Personaler:
You are correct. It is inappropriate and tacky to have a shower for your second, third, fourth, etc child. A shower is to welcome you to parenthood, not to supply everything you need to raise a child. Once you are a parent, you cannot be re-welcomed into parenthood.

Yup.

MorrisMamaof3 · July 2013

Laurendag:
MorrisMamaof3:
msspeedymarie:
EMunion777:
I think it is kinda tacky if you have a child that is not all that old that is the same sex. I'm getting a second baby shower even though my daughter is 2. ONLY because we are having a child of the opposite sex so everything we have already is pink and girly AND ONLY because my mother insisted on it. But it's only going to be close family and it'll probably be more like a bbq get together.
This is not a reason to have a shower. You should have planned ahead and registered for neutral items. It's not the responsibility of everyone you know to replace all your stuff because you bought girly stuff the first time.
I wouldn't count on getting big-ticket items this time around. People are most likely going to only get you clothes or diapers. If you have a pink PnP and carseat, your either going to have to replace them yourself, or your boy will live with it.
RUDE much???? If someone wants to throw you a "SHOWER" for your 2nd, 3rd, 10th child..WHO CARES!! Its their life..not yours..and your opinion will not change anyone else's mind. So go on with your day and hopefully tomorrow you wake up on the right side of the bed.
She wasn't being rude in the slightest. She was stating a fact. One that 99 percent of women on this board agree with. It is YOUR responsibility to provide for YOUR child. A shower is a gift and you should not rely on one to provide you with what you will need. A shower is also a way to welcome a woman into motherhood. If your already a mother you can't be welcomed into motherhood. So once again, she wasnt rude in the slightest. You on the other hand...

&& to the 1% of women that do not agree then this was for them! )

Liz4444 · July 2013

MorrisMamaof3:
Laurendag:
MorrisMamaof3:
msspeedymarie:
EMunion777:
I think it is kinda tacky if you have a child that is not all that old that is the same sex. I'm getting a second baby shower even though my daughter is 2. ONLY because we are having a child of the opposite sex so everything we have already is pink and girly AND ONLY because my mother insisted on it. But it's only going to be close family and it'll probably be more like a bbq get together.
This is not a reason to have a shower. You should have planned ahead and registered for neutral items. It's not the responsibility of everyone you know to replace all your stuff because you bought girly stuff the first time.
I wouldn't count on getting big-ticket items this time around. People are most likely going to only get you clothes or diapers. If you have a pink PnP and carseat, your either going to have to replace them yourself, or your boy will live with it.
RUDE much???? If someone wants to throw you a "SHOWER" for your 2nd, 3rd, 10th child..WHO CARES!! Its their life..not yours..and your opinion will not change anyone else's mind. So go on with your day and hopefully tomorrow you wake up on the right side of the bed.

She wasn't being rude in the slightest. She was stating a fact. One that 99 percent of women on this board agree with. It is YOUR responsibility to provide for YOUR child. A shower is a gift and you should not rely on one to provide you with what you will need. A shower is also a way to welcome a woman into motherhood. If your already a mother you can't be welcomed into motherhood. So once again, she wasnt rude in the slightest.

You on the other hand...
&& to the 1% of women that do not agree then this was for them! )

You don't agree that it's a parents responsibility to pay for anything and everything for the child they created?

Cranang · July 2013

MorrisMamaof3:
Laurendag:
MorrisMamaof3:
msspeedymarie:

EMunion777:
I think it is kinda tacky if you have a child that is not all that old that is the same sex. I'm getting a second baby shower even though my daughter is 2. ONLY because we are having a child of the opposite sex so everything we have already is pink and girly AND ONLY because my mother insisted on it. But it's only going to be close family and it'll probably be more like a bbq get together.

This is not a reason to have a shower. You should have planned ahead and registered for neutral items. It's not the responsibility of everyone you know to replace all your stuff because you bought girly stuff the first time.

I wouldn't count on getting big-ticket items this time around. People are most likely going to only get you clothes or diapers. If you have a pink PnP and carseat, your either going to have to replace them yourself, or your boy will live with it.

RUDE much???? If someone wants to throw you a "SHOWER" for your 2nd, 3rd, 10th child..WHO CARES!! Its their life..not yours..and your opinion will not change anyone else's mind. So go on with your day and hopefully tomorrow you wake up on the right side of the bed.

She wasn't being rude in the slightest. She was stating a fact. One that 99 percent of women on this board agree with. It is YOUR responsibility to provide for YOUR child. A shower is a gift and you should not rely on one to provide you with what you will need. A shower is also a way to welcome a woman into motherhood. If your already a mother you can't be welcomed into motherhood. So once again, she wasnt rude in the slightest. You on the other hand...

&& to the 1% of women that do not agree then this was for them! )

So, you call others on out "being rude" with the rudest response on here for the "1%"? That is some serious logic! You are awesome!

msmerymac · July 2013

EMunion777:
I think it is kinda tacky if you have a child that is not all that old that is the same sex. I'm getting a second baby shower even though my daughter is 2. ONLY because we are having a child of the opposite sex so everything we have already is pink and girly AND ONLY because my mother insisted on it. But it's only going to be close family and it'll probably be more like a bbq get together.

Yeah, that's... exactly what we mean when we say they are inappropriate. This is not a special snowflake scenario. It's the exact same scenario of 50% of people who have a second child - it's the opposite sex of your first child.

kinarlva · July 2013

No, it's not appropriate to have a shower if you already have kids. I don't see any problem with registering though. She could have done it to get the coupon.

Now, if she's telling people that she registered, that's another story.

redshoe95 · July 2013

I think it is only tacky to have showered for subsequent children if you A. Asked for the shower if B. threw yourself a shower .

If someone wants to honor you and your baby with a shower it is their business and it is not required that people attend , if they feel it is inappropriate kindly decline

Kstowe07 · July 2013

I hadn't planned to have a 2nd shower this time around but a close friend of mine kept insisting on it and wanted to throw one for me. Also I didn't plan to register either because there were alot of things I already had and planning to just get ourselves. About 2 weeks before the shower she started asking me about the registry and she wanted a list of what I needed. So I went ahead and did a small one with just essentials like diapers, wipes, a few bottles. My registry wasn't on my invite. If they asked then I would or my host would refer them to it. I had a small group of family and friends at my house and it was nice and intimate. Hope that helps. I don't think people should just keep having showers however.

MrsB2be13 · July 2013

Traditionally, baby showers were given only for the family's first child, and only women were invited. The original intent was for women to share wisdom and lessons on the art of becoming a mother.[citation needed] Over time, it has become common to hold them for subsequent or adopted children. It is not uncommon for a parent to have more than one baby shower, such as one with friends and another with co-workers.

Baby showers are an alternative to other European celebrations of nativity such as Baptisms. However, these can tend to be less materialistic as what is commonly known as a baby shower in the twenty-first century.

According to etiquette authority Miss Manners, because the party centers on gift-giving, the baby shower is typically arranged and hosted by a close friend rather than a member of the family, since it is considered rude for families to beg for gifts on behalf of their members.[2] However, this custom varies by culture or region and in some it is expected and customary for a close female family member to host the baby shower, often the grandmother.[citation needed]

There is no set rule for when or where showers are to be held. The number of guests and style of entertainment are determined by the host. Most hosts invite only women to baby showers, although there is no firm rule requiring this. If the shower is held after the baby's birth, then the baby is usually brought, too. Showers typically include food but not a full meal.

Some hosts arrange baby-themed activities, such as games to taste baby foods or to guess the baby's birth date or sex.

MrsB2be13 · July 2013

MrsB2be13 said:
Traditionally, baby showers were given only for the family's first child, and only women were invited. The original intent was for women to share wisdom and lessons on the art of becoming a mother.[citation needed] Over time, it has become common to hold them for subsequent or adopted children. It is not uncommon for a parent to have more than one baby shower, such as one with friends and another with co-workers.

Baby showers are an alternative to other European celebrations of nativity such as Baptisms. However, these can tend to be less materialistic as what is commonly known as a baby shower in the twenty-first century.

According to etiquette authority Miss Manners, because the party centers on gift-giving, the baby shower is typically arranged and hosted by a close friend rather than a member of the family, since it is considered rude for families to beg for gifts on behalf of their members.[2] However, this custom varies by culture or region and in some it is expected and customary for a close female family member to host the baby shower, often the grandmother.[citation needed]

There is no set rule for when or where showers are to be held. The number of guests and style of entertainment are determined by the host. Most hosts invite only women to baby showers, although there is no firm rule requiring this. If the shower is held after the baby's birth, then the baby is usually brought, too. Showers typically include food but not a full meal.

Some hosts arrange baby-themed activities, such as games to taste baby foods or to guess the baby's birth date or sex.

So the point to that long a&$ citation is to say it varries from region to region.

I have caught much flack on this site because 11years after my last child with someone completely different we are having a baby shower. Not because we're being gift grabby or feel that it's others responsibility to provide things for the baby ..10 weeks till she arrives and we have all that covered, but because friends and family felt it was a joyous and this little princess should be celebrated. We did register but because we want to keep track of what we purchased and to get those completion certificates. I'm not stupid enough to say that people are not coming with a gift because some might but its not something that we expect.

This is the 21st centry gone are the days of people marrying having children and growing old together in many instances similar to mine you wind up divorced and remarried and starting a whole nother family.

ordinary1 · July 2013

Tacky to have shower for subsequent children! The people that try to justify it are the ones having second showers. It's tacky! I will say I disagree with there never being a good reason for a second shower but they are few and far between!

shortstuff15 · July 2013

MosyMama said:
marcobonny:
I think of a baby shower as of celebrating the baby. Gifts are never a demand to bring to the shower. But I think it's nice to bring something whether its diapers or baby shampoo that they would for sure need for the new baby. I don't see a problem in celebrating the close arrival of a new baby!

Showers are, by definition, gift-giving events because their purpose is to "shower" a bride-to-be or mother-to-be with gifts to contribute to the new household or a new family. Gifts are expected.

A celebration of the baby, like a sip n' see or a "meet the baby" party, is held after the baby is born, and gifts aren't necessarily expected, but most people will bring a little something.

Except that in lots of cultures and regions baby showers are not held until after baby is born. I personally have never been to a pre baby baby shower. All have been held after baby is born. And our church holds showers for the first baby born in our church, so plenty of women I know get showers for babies after the first.

nicholssquared · July 2013

Here's my take: Have a second shower only if someone offers to host one. If they do, don't register and keep the affair small.

My logic is this: it's more rude to decline a gift because you're uncomfortable than it is to have a second "welcome into motherhood" celebration. A shower is a gift. When someone gets you a gift, even if it's one you didn't want or need, you still accept it, say 'thank you' (and write a note). However, that's not an excuse to make it out to be a huge affair and invite a bazillion people - that's taking advantage of the host's generosity. Keep it very small, and don't impose a registry on the guests. It's your responsibility to provide for your child - anyone willing to come to a second shower is there simply to celebrate you and should feel free to express that sentiment with whichever gift they find appropriate.

1. It's never an expectation or an entitlement to a second shower (or any shower). Nobody offers, then no shower.
2. You are still responsible for all of your child's needs. Age gap doesn't change this fact at all.
3. The state of the crotch of your child doesn't change a thing - just because something's frilly doesn't mean it suddenly cannot function. If you didn't want frilly for a second son, you should have thought ahead.

Also, agree with the PP that just because they registered, there will automatically be a shower. Some people do it only for themselves. IF a shower is presented and the registry information is provided, that's tacky IMO.

shortstuff15 · July 2013

MosyMama said:

dhviel said:

MosyMama said:
marcobonny:
I think of a baby shower as of celebrating the baby. Gifts are never a demand to bring to the shower. But I think it's nice to bring something whether its diapers or baby shampoo that they would for sure need for the new baby. I don't see a problem in celebrating the close arrival of a new baby!
Showers are, by definition, gift-giving events because their purpose is to "shower" a bride-to-be or mother-to-be with gifts to contribute to the new household or a new family. Gifts are expected.
A celebration of the baby, like a sip n' see or a "meet the baby" party, is held after the baby is born, and gifts aren't necessarily expected, but most people will bring a little something.
Except that in lots of cultures and regions baby showers are not held until after baby is born. I personally have never been to a pre baby baby shower. All have been held after baby is born. And our church holds showers for the first baby born in our church, so plenty of women I know get showers for babies after the first.

It doesn't matter whether the shower is held before or after the baby is born. Yes, many women get showers for babies after the first for many reasons, as evidenced by the dozens of discussions on this issue, but that doesn't change the original purpose of a shower.

I was speaking more to your comment at the end about sip n sees and meet the baby parties. I see a lot of comments on here that baby showers are only to be held before baby and I wasn't sure if thats what you meant by that statement.

I'm on mobile so quoting and cutting quotes is difficult.

notkateanymore · July 2013

I have no issue with people having second showers especially since there is a large age gap. They're pretty normal around here. I mean, you don't get big gifts or anything, mostly people give clothes, diapers, etc. I've been to one where we went to a frozen meal place and made food for the MTB.

MrsB2be13 · July 2013

Nicb13 said:

MrsB2be13 said:

MrsB2be13 said:
Traditionally, baby showers were given only for the family's first child, and only women were invited. The original intent was for women to share wisdom and lessons on the art of becoming a mother.[citation needed] Over time, it has become common to hold them for subsequent or adopted children. It is not uncommon for a parent to have more than one baby shower, such as one with friends and another with co-workers.

Baby showers are an alternative to other European celebrations of nativity such as Baptisms. However, these can tend to be less materialistic as what is commonly known as a baby shower in the twenty-first century.

According to etiquette authority Miss Manners, because the party centers on gift-giving, the baby shower is typically arranged and hosted by a close friend rather than a member of the family, since it is considered rude for families to beg for gifts on behalf of their members.[2] However, this custom varies by culture or region and in some it is expected and customary for a close female family member to host the baby shower, often the grandmother.[citation needed]

There is no set rule for when or where showers are to be held. The number of guests and style of entertainment are determined by the host. Most hosts invite only women to baby showers, although there is no firm rule requiring this. If the shower is held after the baby's birth, then the baby is usually brought, too. Showers typically include food but not a full meal.

Some hosts arrange baby-themed activities, such as games to taste baby foods or to guess the baby's birth date or sex.

So the point to that long a&$ citation is to say it varries from region to region.

I have caught much flack on this site because 11years after my last child with someone completely different we are having a baby shower. Not because we're being gift grabby or feel that it's others responsibility to provide things for the baby ..10 weeks till she arrives and we have all that covered, but because friends and family felt it was a joyous and this little princess should be celebrated. We did register but because we want to keep track of what we purchased and to get those completion certificates. I'm not stupid enough to say that people are not coming with a gift because some might but its not something that we expect.

This is the 21st centry gone are the days of people marrying having children and growing old together in many instances similar to mine you wind up divorced and remarried and starting a whole nother family.

How does that make it anyone else's responsibility to provide items for this new baby? You are already a parent, period. You are really defending this shower because you know what you are going to hear on this board. The women on here aren't being mean, they are telling you the truth but people always like to feel that they are the exception to the rule. Subsequent showers are tacky. You want gifts for this new baby and that's exactly what you'll get because no one shows up without one.

If you read the post I said I am not expecting anyone to provide for my child we got it.

And I said I'm not dumb enough to assume people are not going to bring gifts.

And I couldn't give a rats behind if the women on this board think I am tacky or not, because they don't know me from Adam.
I was simply providing a different view point...everyone's situation is not so black and white

Cleo421 · July 2013

I disagree with the pp who said the only people who defend second showers are those having them. I'm not planning on having a second pregnancy, so my opinion isn't influenced by my wanting a second shower for myself. However, I don't see anything wrong with them. One of my good friends is in her first tri with her second and I can't wait to host her shower if she'll let me (she herself is on the fence about whether that's appropriate).

To me, the gifts at a shower are just the icing on the cake. Maybe I look at showers wrong, but I've always seen them as parties to celebrate the impending baby, not necessarily welcoming mom into motherhood. Gifts are ancillary to socializing, eating, seeing the baby bump etc. From my own little perspective, anyway.

That all being said, there's no way I'd be comfortable having a second shower myself if I were to get pg again, because I'm aware of how they're perceived!

aen912 · August 2013

In this a little late but....

I think there are limited instances where a second shower is okay.

The biggest one coming to mind is a large age gap between children. If you have a child and then 10 years later have another, I see no problem with a second shower. I've gone to many second showers for this reason and never thought it was tacky. For those I've seen have second and third showers and their children are only a few years apart I see that as tacky.

SparkySharky · August 2013

According to The Today Show's etiquette police, it's totally ok to have a baby shower for 2nd, 3rd, etc. babies. The key is not to host your own. And, as a matter of decorum, don't register for stuff you already have.

This segment actually just aired today. How timely.

BallSox · August 2013

SparkySharky said:

According to The Today Show's etiquette police, it's totally ok to have a baby shower for 2nd, 3rd, etc. babies. The key is not to host your own. And, as a matter of decorum, don't register for stuff you already have.

This segment actually just aired today. How timely.

Please someone put me out of my misery if I ever rely on morning television talk shows to dictate what is and is not proper.

KMB611 · August 2013

BallSox said:

SparkySharky said:

According to The Today Show's etiquette police, it's totally ok to have a baby shower for 2nd, 3rd, etc. babies. The key is not to host your own. And, as a matter of decorum, don't register for stuff you already have.

This segment actually just aired today. How timely.

Please someone put me out of my misery if I ever rely on morning television talk shows to dictate what is and is not proper.

After Good Morning America revealed that people have gender reveal parties, I haven't been relying too heavily on what they say either. When your children are at least 5 years apart, and you didn't keep anything from the the first, why should I purchase a gift for you? One of my friends had a 7 and almost 2 year old and managed to use the items from them on her baby. The only thing she purchased was an infant seat. So I know it can be done.

KMB611 · August 2013

This reminds me of a sign I always liked that one of my professors had hanging in his classroom: "Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."

In this case, failure to plan on your part does not constitute a gift on my part.

Exactly! I know for me personally, I couldn't keep asking for gifts. I think that because the individual I was originally speaking of when I generated this post has already had two baby showers for her other children, she's expecting yet another shower and gifts.

carlieanddanwedding · August 2013

I did a registry to keep track of what I wanted and already purchased, etc. Registering was easier to me than making a spreadsheet or list. I haven't told anyone about it though unless I'm asked specifically for it. I had no plans for a shower at the time I did my registry.

That being said, this is my 2nd child (DS is 10), and I am having a shower held by my cousins. It's not a traditional play games type shower. It's only family and my very closest 4 friends who were buying baby gifts anyway and they wanted to do a brunch with dessert to get together. I'm sure some people will still find this "wrong", but my family wanted to do it, and it's very small and intimate so I said yes.

I see nothing wrong with this. It was offered, it's tiny, genuinely your nearest and dearest. Really hardly a shower at all, more like a brunch with friends who happen to be bringing gifts for the baby.

It's a far cry from a full-blown second shower complete with invites/favors/etc.

Babi2comingSoon2014 · August 2013

marcobonny said:
I think of a baby shower as of celebrating the baby. Gifts are never a demand to bring to the shower. But I think it's nice to bring something whether its diapers or baby shampoo that they would for sure need for the new baby. I don't see a problem in celebrating the close arrival of a new baby!

this is what my family does, every new baby is celebrated with a get together and people typically bring gifts for baby or cash

yup... no registry though the family usually does small personal gifts. my mother is as excited about #2 as she was about DS ive heard of it being tacky but only ever on message boards, we will have fun with our gathering and i couldnt be more excited about it

Babi2comingSoon2014 · August 2013

marcobonny said:
I think of a baby shower as of celebrating the baby. Gifts are never a demand to bring to the shower. But I think it's nice to bring something whether its diapers or baby shampoo that they would for sure need for the new baby. I don't see a problem in celebrating the close arrival of a new baby!

this is what my family does, every new baby is celebrated with a get together and people typically bring gifts for baby or cash

yup... no registry though the family usually does small personal gifts. my mother is as excited about #2 as she was about DS ive heard of it being tacky but only ever on message boards, we will have fun with our gathering and i couldnt be more excited about it

RibbitGrl930 · August 2013

marcobonny said:

I think of a baby shower as of celebrating the baby. Gifts are never a demand to bring to the shower. But I think it's nice to bring something whether its diapers or baby shampoo that they would for sure need for the new baby. I don't see a problem in celebrating the close arrival of a new baby!

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