BM is a trip ...

HisChamaoleGirl · July 2013

SS and my mother arrived safely and without delay and BM wanted to know if my mother made it back to CA. Somehow the conversation lead to her asking about CS. She basically said that SS lifestyle should not change just bc we decided to have a baby.

While I can kind of see her point, I don't think it is as simple as she is making it out to seem. For example, even in intact families when their is an additional family member added, everyone is effected. One of her points was that DH should be providing the exact same dollar amount to SS as he will to LO. Well, no. That wont happen bc she lives in a low col area and we live in the city.

Another example on how I think her reasoning is flawed is that it is BOTH PARENTS responsibility to provide for the child and she quit her job. She said that LO is my responsibility to support and DH and she will support SS. She justifies quitting her job to go back to school bc SS wont be effected bc CS will support his lifestyle and not hers. Really? Ok BM. How are you paying your cell phone payment and car payment? She lives with her mother so it is common knowledge she doesn't pay rent, groceries, or utilities. And before someone says its none of my business how she spends CS, I agree with you. However, SHE is the one who says that SS uses his money and she doesn't.

She believes that bc she quit her job that she should receive more CS. Our CS is calculated based on shared income so I explained that wasn't true and her potential income would be considered into the calculation for CS. She said I am making up numbers that don't exist since she is unemployed. OK. With her POV DH can quit his job and then say "hey BM. I don't have a job anymore so I don't have to send you CS...." She said NO, it is his responsibility to support his son ... but apparently not hers to support SS ... I just don't get it.

CS is based on what DH made when we lived in Hawaii and now that we moved he makes less. This is one of three reasons he falls into the category of being eligible for modification. I did the math and even if they considered her as 0 income and DH was responsible for 100% of the CS Obligation, it would still be less than what she is receiving now.

At this point I just don't want to deal with any of this and neither does DH. I almost just want to say F asking for a modification bc I don't want to deal with her nonsense.

Thoughts ? I'm really trying to understand where she is coming from but nothing sticks out clearly to me.

4luvof2boys · July 2013

She wants her cake and eat it too. All of her arguments are twisted to benefit herself. She will figure it out if you do request a modification. Our state does it just like yours. Both parents contribute - period.

fellesferie · July 2013

I don't think either party should be impacted due to choices they have no control over.

XH had no control over the fact that I quit my job to be a SAHM, so his CS was not increased (it actually decreased since we no longer needed daycare for DS). I am imputed at my last salary.

I have no control if he decides to reproduce with his gf, so I don't think I should be impacted by that.

HisChamaoleGirl · July 2013

4luvof2boys said:

She wants her cake and eat it too. All of her arguments are twisted to benefit herself. She will figure it out if you do request a modification. Our state does it just like yours. Both parents contribute - period.

She wants to avoid going through attorneys bc what happened before is that she paid thousands (her words) to establish CS and at the end of the day it was a document I drew up and BM and DH agreed to and filed with the courts. To me its obvious that even if I draw up a document based on the income changes she will still say no and it will lead to a court battle if we went that route. I bolded the income changes as a reason for modification bc even though we are able to add in LO expenses we have decided not . Then again I was told that adding in her expenses may show BM how much of a change CS could have and make it easier for her to agree just on changes based on income. IDK ....

4luvof2boys · July 2013

4luvof2boys said:

She wants her cake and eat it too. All of her arguments are twisted to benefit herself. She will figure it out if you do request a modification. Our state does it just like yours. Both parents contribute - period.

She wants to avoid going through attorneys bc what happened before is that she paid thousands (her words) to establish CS and at the end of the day it was a document I drew up and BM and DH agreed to and filed with the courts. To me its obvious that even if I draw up a document based on the income changes she will still say no and it will lead to a court battle if we went that route. I bolded the income changes as a reason for modification bc even though we are able to add in LO expenses we have decided not . Then again I was told that adding in her expenses may show BM how much of a change CS could have and make it easier for her to agree just on changes based on income. IDK ....

Where I live there is a child support office. You make an appointment, submit your paperwork or modification and they do the rest. They base it off of both parents income and dependents - but it is a standard calculation. It never goes to court. Court is for CO changes. Do they not have a child support office in your area? Why do you have to go through the court for a modification? BM shouldn't have had to "pay thousands". All she had to do was file with the local child support office. This could be totally different in your state...?

HisChamaoleGirl · July 2013

4luvof2boys said:

4luvof2boys said:

She wants her cake and eat it too. All of her arguments are twisted to benefit herself. She will figure it out if you do request a modification. Our state does it just like yours. Both parents contribute - period.

She wants to avoid going through attorneys bc what happened before is that she paid thousands (her words) to establish CS and at the end of the day it was a document I drew up and BM and DH agreed to and filed with the courts. To me its obvious that even if I draw up a document based on the income changes she will still say no and it will lead to a court battle if we went that route. I bolded the income changes as a reason for modification bc even though we are able to add in LO expenses we have decided not . Then again I was told that adding in her expenses may show BM how much of a change CS could have and make it easier for her to agree just on changes based on income. IDK ....

Where I live there is a child support office. You make an appointment, submit your paperwork or modification and they do the rest. They base it off of both parents income and dependents - but it is a standard calculation. It never goes to court. Court is for CO changes. Do they not have a child support office in your area? Why do you have to go through the court for a modification? BM shouldn't have had to "pay thousands". All she had to do was file with the local child support office. This could be totally different in your state...?

BM is in Guam and we are in Virginia. The going to court comment was based on if she wouldn't do a voluntary child support modification to the voluntary child support agreement that is in place.

Sure we could go through the CS agency on Guam, but we physically wouldn't be able to go in and BM does NOT want to go through them. She prefers that DH pay CS into her bank account on the first of the month. He's never been late on a payment so this isn't an issue for them.

4luvof2boys · July 2013

Ahhh - that makes sense. I would think she definitely doesn't want to go through the CS office because they will take into account all the facts and make it fair. The current set up allows her to manipulate, complain and say no. If payments are set up through the CS - they will also be on time as long as your DH pays them on time.

Just something to consider. It is a free third party mediator. If I were you, I would write up a fair agreement based on your points and give it to her for review. Listen openly to her feedback. If she is genuinely just trying to get out of her contribution or make your DH pay more than his fair share you can still go the CS office route. Let her know nicely that you disagree and since no one can come to an agreement you will go ahead and file with the CS office. That will make her p!ssed but if she won't be reasonable you may need a third party to tell her the way it is going to be.

Also, you shouldn't have to be there in person to get it done. Our's was done through a different state as well but our local office helped us with all the paperwork. Good luck!

Pamelacake · July 2013

4luvof2boys said:

4luvof2boys said:

She wants her cake and eat it too. All of her arguments are twisted to benefit herself. She will figure it out if you do request a modification. Our state does it just like yours. Both parents contribute - period.

She wants to avoid going through attorneys bc what happened before is that she paid thousands (her words) to establish CS and at the end of the day it was a document I drew up and BM and DH agreed to and filed with the courts. To me its obvious that even if I draw up a document based on the income changes she will still say no and it will lead to a court battle if we went that route. I bolded the income changes as a reason for modification bc even though we are able to add in LO expenses we have decided not . Then again I was told that adding in her expenses may show BM how much of a change CS could have and make it easier for her to agree just on changes based on income. IDK ....

Where I live there is a child support office. You make an appointment, submit your paperwork or modification and they do the rest. They base it off of both parents income and dependents - but it is a standard calculation. It never goes to court. Court is for CO changes. Do they not have a child support office in your area? Why do you have to go through the court for a modification? BM shouldn't have had to "pay thousands". All she had to do was file with the local child support office. This could be totally different in your state...?

I agree.. and yeah where I'm at CS doesn't go in front of a judge.. it's just the CS prosecutor and their attorneys.

Their was a short period of time years ago when I paid child support and lost my job in the middle of it.. I still had to pay and the amount didn't change.. I let them know about being out of work so I didn't get penalized if I missed a payment but the amount I paid was not lowered, They still went by what I made from my previous employer.

I think she's full of it about paying thousands for an atty.. I could be wrong but where I'm at the prosecutor has their own attorneys to represent both parties.

HisChamaoleGirl · July 2013

fellesferie said:

I don't think either party should be impacted due to choices they have no control over.

XH had no control over the fact that I quit my job to be a SAHM, so his CS was not increased (it actually decreased since we no longer needed daycare for DS). I am imputed at my last salary.
I have no control if he decides to reproduce with his gf, so I don't think I should be impacted by that.

No we don't have control over her quitting her job, but it does effect that she thinks she shouldn't have to financially support her child just bc she isn't working. And that has the potential to impact us.

HisChamaoleGirl · July 2013

4luvof2boys said:

Also, you shouldn't have to be there in person to get it done. Our's was done through a different state as well but our local office helped us with all the paperwork. Good luck!

We tried doing just this when we moved here last year. What ended up happening is VA started garnishing DHs wages but bc they weren't set up for a payment to BM the money just sat. DH was still required to follow the current CS agreement which outlines transferring into BMs account. It was a HUGE mess and I don't know if I would trust state to state again. Plus the amount that VA said should be paid was significantly less than what GU was saying. It got pretty ugly....

twister22 · July 2013

I would go for a CS adjustment and I would factor in everything - DH's move, DH's decrease in pay, and DH's additional child. Don't leave those things out to be nice. BM needs to realize it's her job to support SS too.

Let's say your CS is cut in half - DH can still set aside whatever additional money he wants for SS and either 'gift' it to BM as additional CS, use it to purchase more for SS during time with you guys or holidays/bdays, or put it in a savings account for SS's future.

BM doesn't get to have her cake and eat it too.

Lavender P · July 2013

twister22 said:
I would go for a CS adjustment and I would factor in everything - DH's move, DH's decrease in pay, and DH's additional child. Don't leave those things out to be nice. BM needs to realize it's her job to support SS too.
Let's say your CS is cut in half - DH can still set aside whatever additional money he wants for SS and either 'gift' it to BM as additional CS, use it to purchase more for SS during time with you guys or holidays/bdays, or put it in a savings account for SS's future.
BM doesn't get to have her cake and eat it too.

I agree with this. However, I wouldn't give it to BM as a gift, but save any extra for college or whatever SS wants to do once he is a grown up. The way your SS's BM sounds, it is like she feels entitled to being supported by your H simply because she had a kid with him.

HisChamaoleGirl · July 2013

twister22 said:

I would go for a CS adjustment and I would factor in everything - DH's move, DH's decrease in pay, and DH's additional child. Don't leave those things out to be nice. BM needs to realize it's her job to support SS too.
Let's say your CS is cut in half - DH can still set aside whatever additional money he wants for SS and either 'gift' it to BM as additional CS, use it to purchase more for SS during time with you guys or holidays/bdays, or put it in a savings account for SS's future.
BM doesn't get to have her cake and eat it too.

In regards to the bolded that's what the plan is for the difference in what the new order should be and what the current order is. We currently set aside an amount monthly for him already. Now that we moved the plane ticket prices are $7K considering SS has a family member escort. BM isn't willing to allow SS to fly unaccompanied and with SS lack of maturity I don't blame her. That isn't her reasoning, but that's the one I would agree with.

HisChamaoleGirl · July 2013

Lavender P said:

I would go for a CS adjustment and I would factor in everything - DH's move, DH's decrease in pay, and DH's additional child. Don't leave those things out to be nice. BM needs to realize it's her job to support SS too.
Let's say your CS is cut in half - DH can still set aside whatever additional money he wants for SS and either 'gift' it to BM as additional CS, use it to purchase more for SS during time with you guys or holidays/bdays, or put it in a savings account for SS's future.
BM doesn't get to have her cake and eat it too.
I agree with this. However, I wouldn't give it to BM as a gift, but save any extra for college or whatever SS wants to do once he is a grown up. The way your SS's BM sounds, it is like she feels entitled to being supported by your H simply because she had a kid with him.

Oh she's entitled alright ... and unfortunately that mentality is transferring over to SS. I'm really scared to see what issues arrive with him becoming a teenager compared to what we deal with now.

Ilumine · July 2013

I honestly loath the fact that child support takes into account BAH. BAH was created to allow for the differences in RENT in the various places all over the country/world.

In most military locations the local landlords KNOW what the BAH is and charges accordingly. Hell, in many places the local landlords create unrealistic rents because they KNOW that the military will kowtown.

The rent outside of Cannon AFB in nowhere New Mexico is higher than the vacation rental properties in Destin FL - ON THE BEACH.

And the fact that a servicemember has to move every 2-4 years means that every 2-4 years, a family will have to go through this crap. And a child will get to hear that his father is a deadbeat because he is taking money away from them....

Blah - you knew what was going to happen when you slept with a servicemember.

Ilumine · July 2013

*HiS ChAmAoLe GiRL* said:

Lavender P said:

I would go for a CS adjustment and I would factor in everything - DH's move, DH's decrease in pay, and DH's additional child. Don't leave those things out to be nice. BM needs to realize it's her job to support SS too.
Let's say your CS is cut in half - DH can still set aside whatever additional money he wants for SS and either 'gift' it to BM as additional CS, use it to purchase more for SS during time with you guys or holidays/bdays, or put it in a savings account for SS's future.
BM doesn't get to have her cake and eat it too.
I agree with this. However, I wouldn't give it to BM as a gift, but save any extra for college or whatever SS wants to do once he is a grown up. The way your SS's BM sounds, it is like she feels entitled to being supported by your H simply because she had a kid with him.

Oh she's entitled alright ... and unfortunately that mentality is transferring over to SS. I'm really scared to see what issues arrive with him becoming a teenager compared to what we deal with now.

And this is why you really DO need to follow through. While he may never get it, with his mother's influence, you have to show him how life really works.

If you change locations or loose your job or have another child, your lifestyle will change. And if he does continue to blame your DH...that will be on him. But at least you know you have done your best.

My SS is going out into the world with a crazy wierd sense of entitlement and skewed view of how the world works. 70% is BM's influence and the rest is DH - who did not force these issues with SS for the longest time.

SS has never had to feel a crunch, even when DH retired and we went from $80K a year to $40K a year. I was forced to feel it, DH felt it, but DH refused to allow the kids to feel it. And that was wrong.

CFjo2010 · July 2013

Obviously each State handles these things differently, but I can tell you that when DH and BM were hashing out CS the Judge flat out told BM to "grow up and support your child". Even though she wasn't working, the Judge imputed her at full-time minimum wage. If a parent is willfully under-employed they can (and should) be imputed at their last salary or whatever their "earning potential" is. Quitting your job to go back to school is a decision BM made on her own without consulting your DH. That's her problem.

BM is right, SS' lifestyle shouldn't change because you're having a baby. It also shouldn't change because BM unilaterally decides to quit her job and stop supporting her child. Any decrease your DH might get due to the baby is minimal, and is nothing compared to the income BM is losing by quitting her job. In CA if you try and claim a new child (CP or NCP) the new child only counts for less than 1%. Seriously. I ran the numbers out of curiosity and DH's CS would have dropped $3 a month. I guess that means no more gum for BM.... But the decrease due to his lowered income is probably going to be sizable, and that''s a justifiable reason for CS to be lowered.

In the words of DH's Judge, BM needs to "grow up and support her child".

HisChamaoleGirl · July 2013

Ilumine said:

I honestly loath the fact that child support takes into account BAH. BAH was created to allow for the differences in RENT in the various places all over the country/world.

In most military locations the local landlords KNOW what the BAH is and charges accordingly. Hell, in many places the local landlords create unrealistic rents because they KNOW that the military will kowtown.

The rent outside of Cannon AFB in nowhere New Mexico is higher than the vacation rental properties in Destin FL - ON THE BEACH.

And the fact that a servicemember has to move every 2-4 years means that every 2-4 years, a family will have to go through this crap. And a child will get to hear that his father is a deadbeat because he is taking money away from them....

Blah - you knew what was going to happen when you slept with a servicemember.

I'm not sure what the last sentence is all about and cant tell if you are being sarcastic or not. Both DH and I are service member and I am aware of how we get paid and how often we move. However it is not just DHs pay that changed. BM received a pay raise that should be accounted for as well as DH's decrease. Or does it only make sense for BM to ask for a modification when the pay is increased in your mind????

CFjo2010 · July 2013

*HiS ChAmAoLe GiRL* said:

Ilumine said:

I honestly loath the fact that child support takes into account BAH. BAH was created to allow for the differences in RENT in the various places all over the country/world.

In most military locations the local landlords KNOW what the BAH is and charges accordingly. Hell, in many places the local landlords create unrealistic rents because they KNOW that the military will kowtown.

The rent outside of Cannon AFB in nowhere New Mexico is higher than the vacation rental properties in Destin FL - ON THE BEACH.

And the fact that a servicemember has to move every 2-4 years means that every 2-4 years, a family will have to go through this crap. And a child will get to hear that his father is a deadbeat because he is taking money away from them....

Blah - you knew what was going to happen when you slept with a servicemember.

I'm not sure what the last sentence is all about and cant tell if you are being sarcastic or not. Both DH and I are service member and I am aware of how we get paid and how often we move. However it is not just DHs pay that changed. BM received a pay raise that should be accounted for as well as DH's decrease. Or does it only make sense for BM to ask for a modification when the pay is increased in your mind????

Illumine was referring to BM, I'm pretty sure. Meaning, BM should have known when she got pregnant with SS that this type of thing would be happening every 2-4 years.

HisChamaoleGirl · July 2013

jobalchak said:

*HiS ChAmAoLe GiRL* said:

Ilumine said:

I honestly loath the fact that child support takes into account BAH. BAH was created to allow for the differences in RENT in the various places all over the country/world.

In most military locations the local landlords KNOW what the BAH is and charges accordingly. Hell, in many places the local landlords create unrealistic rents because they KNOW that the military will kowtown.

The rent outside of Cannon AFB in nowhere New Mexico is higher than the vacation rental properties in Destin FL - ON THE BEACH.

And the fact that a servicemember has to move every 2-4 years means that every 2-4 years, a family will have to go through this crap. And a child will get to hear that his father is a deadbeat because he is taking money away from them....

Blah - you knew what was going to happen when you slept with a servicemember.

I'm not sure what the last sentence is all about and cant tell if you are being sarcastic or not. Both DH and I are service member and I am aware of how we get paid and how often we move. However it is not just DHs pay that changed. BM received a pay raise that should be accounted for as well as DH's decrease. Or does it only make sense for BM to ask for a modification when the pay is increased in your mind????

Illumine was referring to BM, I'm pretty sure. Meaning, BM should have known when she got pregnant with SS that this type of thing would be happening every 2-4 years.

Could be ... It just threw me off bc any other time I've received advice I'd admired her POV.

The BM in our case cant even remember what is in the CO even though SHE is the one that came up with it with her lawyer. I'll quote why or why not things she suggests are not OK and she asks where I'm getting my information ... well read the CO BM ... I don't just make this stuff up. That being said, I doubt she even understands how CS is calculated.

Ilumine · July 2013

*HiS ChAmAoLe GiRL* said:

Ilumine said:

I honestly loath the fact that child support takes into account BAH. BAH was created to allow for the differences in RENT in the various places all over the country/world.

In most military locations the local landlords KNOW what the BAH is and charges accordingly. Hell, in many places the local landlords create unrealistic rents because they KNOW that the military will kowtown.

The rent outside of Cannon AFB in nowhere New Mexico is higher than the vacation rental properties in Destin FL - ON THE BEACH.

And the fact that a servicemember has to move every 2-4 years means that every 2-4 years, a family will have to go through this crap. And a child will get to hear that his father is a deadbeat because he is taking money away from them....

Blah - you knew what was going to happen when you slept with a servicemember.

I'm not sure what the last sentence is all about and cant tell if you are being sarcastic or not. Both DH and I are service member and I am aware of how we get paid and how often we move. However it is not just DHs pay that changed. BM received a pay raise that should be accounted for as well as DH's decrease. Or does it only make sense for BM to ask for a modification when the pay is increased in your mind????

Sorry, that totally came out wrong.

I was blahing BM. And all exes who kvetch about the inconviences of their children having military fathers (or mothers). You cannot not complain about having your CS changed when the NCP PCS when YOU YOURSELF slept with and got impregnated by an ADSM.

ESPECIALLY when you live on an island, whose main source of income is the military - who get special pays for living on a island.

Its like the idiots who bitched and moaned about the Bombing of Vieque Island. They were TOLD that the only reason why we have a base and all of it's sundry entitlements (hospital, commissary, NEX) is to support the ships practicing their bombing.

And then they bitched when the Navy pulled out of Rosie Roads.

Or the idiots who bitch about the Jet Noise in VA Beach? Uhm...the Navy Air Field was there before the houses were built and way before you bought your home?

BAH

CFjo2010 · July 2013

Ilumine said:

*HiS ChAmAoLe GiRL* said:

Ilumine said:

I honestly loath the fact that child support takes into account BAH. BAH was created to allow for the differences in RENT in the various places all over the country/world.

In most military locations the local landlords KNOW what the BAH is and charges accordingly. Hell, in many places the local landlords create unrealistic rents because they KNOW that the military will kowtown.

The rent outside of Cannon AFB in nowhere New Mexico is higher than the vacation rental properties in Destin FL - ON THE BEACH.

And the fact that a servicemember has to move every 2-4 years means that every 2-4 years, a family will have to go through this crap. And a child will get to hear that his father is a deadbeat because he is taking money away from them....

Blah - you knew what was going to happen when you slept with a servicemember.

I'm not sure what the last sentence is all about and cant tell if you are being sarcastic or not. Both DH and I are service member and I am aware of how we get paid and how often we move. However it is not just DHs pay that changed. BM received a pay raise that should be accounted for as well as DH's decrease. Or does it only make sense for BM to ask for a modification when the pay is increased in your mind????

Sorry, that totally came out wrong.

I was blahing BM. And all exes who kvetch about the inconviences of their children having military fathers (or mothers). You cannot not complain about having your CS changed when the NCP PCS when YOU YOURSELF slept with and got impregnated by an ADSM.

ESPECIALLY when you live on an island, whose main source of income is the military - who get special pays for living on a island.

Its like the idiots who bitched and moaned about the Bombing of Vieque Island. They were TOLD that the only reason why we have a base and all of it's sundry entitlements (hospital, commissary, NEX) is to support the ships practicing their bombing.

And then they bitched when the Navy pulled out of Rosie Roads.

Or the idiots who bitch about the Jet Noise in VA Beach? Uhm...the Navy Air Field was there before the houses were built and way before you bought your home?

BAH

Illumine for the win =D>

Ilumine · July 2013

BTW - I worked the last round of BRAC and I had to deal with the fall out of these

andrea99 said:

Ilumine said:

Blah - you knew what was going to happen when you slept with a servicemember.

This is one of my biggest problems with a lot of these situations. BM blames everything that went wrong (including HER cheating) on DH being in the military. Yet now she's engaged to a Marine.

::head desk::

Do not get me started on the spouses who bitch. Oh no, you have to live somewhere you do not want to. Oh no your health care coverage is a really regimented. Oh no, your husband has to deploy. Oh no...

2chatter · July 2013

I hate that mentality. We deal with it here too. BM tells skids that my children should not have things (like a bed when DD moved from her crib at 4) because it takes away from them having things (like Justin Beiber front row seats). The parens are a literal example. She does not tell the skids that she quit working when she knew DH was actually going to leave. She does not tell them that I work full time, and that's why my children have the things they have. She does not tell them that she gets VOLUNTARY spousal every month to make sure their lives remain the same. She calls that "her money".

We did not change CS when DS was born. But if she ever wants to complain about adjustment, I think that will work in our favor in court. I disagree that skids lives should not change due to a baby; in an intact family the addition of a sibling might mean fewer trips to the movies, etc.

HisChamaoleGirl · July 2013

Ilumine said:

*HiS ChAmAoLe GiRL* said:

Ilumine said:

ESPECIALLY when you live on an island, whose main source of income is the military - who get special pays for living on a island.

::: Standing applause :::

It amazes me how many of the locals will complain about the military being on island, but the only reason their economy is able to exist and function as it does is bc of the military that occupies the space. SMH

Mrs.H. · July 2013

I agree with BM that her support amount shouldn't change because you have another child. However, it should not also change if she decided to not work. She cant have it both ways.

KTdidit · July 2013

File for the modification, don't worry about all the BS she is trying to feed you. BM is trying to get all she can from your DH and will do and say anything she has to.

And I have mixed feelings about "what the other parent does should/shouldn't affect CS". Yes, in an intact family the addition of a new baby will mean less extras for the rest of the family. However, CS isn't really intended for "extras". It is intended to help the CP with necessary living expenses such a shelter, electricity, water, food. In our case, BD decided to shack up with a girl that had 3 kids already and then they had a baby. His moronic decision to support 3 kids that aren't his shouldn't affect the CS he pays to support his son's needed living expenses.

fellesferie · July 2013

But in an intact family, both adults are (theoretically) making the decision to add to the family.

In the OP's case, I think a modification should be pursued. Income has changed. What BM chooses to do with that (go back to work full time/part time, change her lifestyle a bit, whatever) is up to her. It sucks to quit/change your job thinking life will be one way, and having circumstances change. But I think most people are faced with that at least once in their lives.

BM is a trip ...

Re: BM is a trip ...

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