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October 2013 Moms
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Mama Drama

ohkayohkay member
in October 2013 Moms
My parents are moving four hours away. My dad works, my mom is a SAHM, and I have a younger brother in high school. A couple of weeks ago my mom and I were talking about the plan for when LO is born. I told her I really wanted her to be there again. With DD1 she coached me through the whole process. I love my FI immensely but I'm not sure how he will do with L and D. Well my mama told me unless LO is born on a weekend, she wouldn't be able to make. I figured her reason would have something to do with my brother, so I questioned if that was why. She said no, that he could get to school, practice, and home on his own. She said she has too much stuff to do around the new house. BTW it is a brand new house and as far as I can see, she needs to unpack. Her answer upset me, but we didn't talk about it further. I don't see why it would make a difference is LO is born on a Tuesday instead of a Saturday. I would think a grandmother would want to at least be there for the birth of grandchild, if at all possible.

Then last night I was talking to her about DD1's birthday party. I'm planning it for a day that I know they will be in town. My mom has mentioned a few times coming in town for this weekend. I ran the date and time by her. She did not seem pleased. I was thinking we'd do informal cake and ice cream at our house on Sunday at 2:00. I picked 2:00 to give people time to get out of church and have lunch. My mom made the comment that even if she left at 3:00, she wouldn't get home until 7:00. I explained why I was thinking that time, and she said she agreed, but she wouldn't be able to stay long. I asked if Saturday would work better for them, but they have other plans.

Is it wrong of me to be upset? I feel like my mom no longer has a huge interest in our lives, and being here for events is a huge inconvenience to her.
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Re: Mama Drama

  • lbethke99lbethke99 member
    I really think you should give your FI/SO a chance on helping in L&D- you'd be surprised!  My theory is if you werent there for the conception you arent in the Delivery room. 

    As far as your mom not doing the birthday- I think that is pretty crappy of her.


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  • ohkayohkay member
    I hope he does ok. He's a paramedic so he has seen his fair share of medically emergencies. He is very numb in medical situations. My fear is he will brush off my pain like he does now. He has very little sympathy.

    And as for my mama, I don't the big deal about getting home at 8:00 or 9:00. It's like she is trying to distance herself.
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  • Wino0920Wino0920 member
    She might be taking this move harder than she is letting on. She might want to start preparing herself for missing out on things and getting used to that idea.

    I am assuming your SO was not there for the first birth? Maybe she is trying to make it so he is involved and not her. She might be seeig that your not giving him much credit and it should be him instead of her.

    Just give her some time, she is probably just adjusting.
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  • RedZeeRedZee member
    Can you ask your mom what's up?
         
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    DD1: born 1/19/11. DD2: born 10/10/13
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  • ohkayohkay member
    Wino0920 said:

    She might be taking this move harder than she is letting on. She might want to start preparing herself for missing out on things and getting used to that idea.

    I am assuming your SO was not there for the first birth? Maybe she is trying to make it so he is involved and not her. She might be seeig that your not giving him much credit and it should be him instead of her.

    Just give her some time, she is probably just adjusting.

    I know she is taking the move hard, so maybe you are right. I don't know how to talk to her without making her upset. Usually if I ask her about even the smallest issue, she starts crying and says she just can't please anyone. I know she's depressed, but it hurts that she wants to bring everyone one down with her.
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  • huntjulhuntjul member
    ohkay said:
    She might be taking this move harder than she is letting on. She might want to start preparing herself for missing out on things and getting used to that idea. I am assuming your SO was not there for the first birth? Maybe she is trying to make it so he is involved and not her. She might be seeig that your not giving him much credit and it should be him instead of her. Just give her some time, she is probably just adjusting.
    I know she is taking the move hard, so maybe you are right. I don't know how to talk to her without making her upset. Usually if I ask her about even the smallest issue, she starts crying and says she just can't please anyone. I know she's depressed, but it hurts that she wants to bring everyone one down with her.
    I think the issue is a combo of what Wino said, plus you saying she's depressed.

    For me, I am not sure how much support DH will be able to provide in the delivery room, so we have hired an experienced doula.  DH can be involved to the degree he wants and is able, and I get the support I need regardless.  If you want a sympathetic mamma-centered care person in delivery and don't think DH is going to do it, consider a doula.
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  • ohkayohkay member
    huntjul said:


    ohkay said:

    Wino0920 said:

    She might be taking this move harder than she is letting on. She might want to start preparing herself for missing out on things and getting used to that idea.

    I am assuming your SO was not there for the first birth? Maybe she is trying to make it so he is involved and not her. She might be seeig that your not giving him much credit and it should be him instead of her.

    Just give her some time, she is probably just adjusting.

    I know she is taking the move hard, so maybe you are right. I don't know how to talk to her without making her upset. Usually if I ask her about even the smallest issue, she starts crying and says she just can't please anyone. I know she's depressed, but it hurts that she wants to bring everyone one down with her.

    I think the issue is a combo of what Wino said, plus you saying she's depressed.

    For me, I am not sure how much support DH will be able to provide in the delivery room, so we have hired an experienced doula.  DH can be involved to the degree he wants and is able, and I get the support I need regardless.  If you want a sympathetic mamma-centered care person in delivery and don't think DH is going to do it, consider a doula.


    I would love to hire a doula! I have even talked to a few, but I can't win FI over. In our area they usually charge around 1000 for their services. Unfortunately that is more than we can afford.

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