Intro and help

one2andnow3 · July 2013

Hi everyone. I am a full time working mom of 2 DD is 6 and DS is 2.

I just came home from the dr and I had some bad news. Baby had stopped growing and no heartbeat. I would have been 9w tomorrow but growth stopped at 6w. The dr gave me 3 options and I'm sad, confused and have not been through this before. Please give any advise or past experiences to help me make a decision.

Option 1 natural
Option 2 pill
Option 3 d and c

A girl from the feb 14 board told me how wonderful and supportive everyone is here. Thanks for reading.

PinkCamino · July 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss ((HUGS)) I hate the I need to welcome you here.

Those are the same 3 options I was given with my last loss and I basically tried each one. I first waited to see if my body would miscarry naturally and when it didn't I tried medication. When that also didn't work I had a D&C.

The choice is ultimately up to you. Please do not feel like you need to make a decision right this moment. Think it through and chose whichever is best for you.

In my case, I sort of regret not opting for the D&C right away. By the time I finally had it done it was nearly a month after my loss. The D&C although heartbreaking does give you closure.

Good luck with whichever option you chose.

LaRomana09 · July 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss. I was given the same options (went in at 10 weeks, LO had stopped growing at 9) and I went with the D&C. I would definitely make the same choice again, as I really felt a strong need for it to be over as soon as possible, and physically the D&C was not bad at all. My sister has had 5 miscarriages, and has done all 3 options, and she recommended the D&C, as well. (((HUGS)))

bumpuser9524622 · July 2013

I was given the same three options for my last loss and asked this question on the mc/pl board. It's such a tough decision and helps to hear others' experiences. My first loss was a natural miscarriage at 6 weeks. I didn't have any choice, since I just started bleeding, but since I was so early it was really not much worse than a period. My second loss was a missed miscarriage (I was supposed to be 9.5 weeks, baby measured a little under 9) and was given the 3 options. My doctor told me to take some time to decide, but I decided the next day to do the D&C. It's such a personal choice and there is no one-size-fits-all option. I chose that route because I didn't want to be constantly worrying about when or where I might miscarry if I chose to wait it out and let it happen naturally. I also had read and hear horror stories about the medication to induce the miscarriage (these may be really off-base since I don't have any first-hand experience with this route, maybe someone else who has done this reply), so I was terrified of that. I also didn't want to wait and then have to have a D&C later on because my body didn't cooperate. I'm glad that I made the choice that I did. Physically, the D&C was really easy and I didn't have much pain, it's all been trying to emotionally recover for me. Sorry that was long. I'm sorry that you have to make this decision, but best of luck choosing what is right for you. ((hugs))

Unknown · July 2013

This content has been removed.

samjen2010 · July 2013

Pink Camino said:

I'm so sorry for your loss ((HUGS)) I hate the I need to welcome you here.

Those are the same 3 options I was given with my last loss and I basically tried each one. I first waited to see if my body would miscarry naturally and when it didn't I tried medication. When that also didn't work I had a D&C.

The choice is ultimately up to you. Please do not feel like you need to make a decision right this moment. Think it through and chose whichever is best for you.

In my case, I sort of regret not opting for the D&C right away. By the time I finally had it done it was nearly a month after my loss. The D&C although heartbreaking does give you closure.

Good luck with whichever option you chose.

Same as above for me. Good luck and I'm sorry you're here.

blackbird818 · July 2013

1. As PPs have said please add a warning to your title.

2. I'm very sorry for your loss.....

3. But I don't really feel like this is the right board for this post. Miscarriage/Loss would be more appropriate IMO. Once you have moved on from your loss and are ready to TTC again then please come back and intro in an appropriate manner per board etiquette

lindsebert · July 2013

I was given the same 3 options. We tried naturally but it didn't happen. So I took miso and that worked. Given the option to do it over, I think I would choose the same route. It was definitely a hard time, but there isn't really an easy option here. I took some time off work, and things went as smoothly as can be expected. I am so sorry for your loss, and I hope whatever you choose will bring some peace to you.

PinkCamino · July 2013

ahenson818 said:

1. As PPs have said please add a warning to your title.

2. I'm very sorry for your loss.....

3. But I don't really feel like this is the right board for this post. Miscarriage/Loss would be more appropriate IMO. Once you have moved on from your loss and are ready to TTC again then please come back and intro in an appropriate manner per board etiquette

I disagree. Many of us here have gone through our miscarriage and D&Cs. Some multiple times so we have some experiences to share about this.

A title warning would be nice but I really don't see a problem with the nature of the post itself.

FWIW I came here during my 2nd loss. I never went to the miscarriage/loss board.

lindsebert · July 2013

ahenson818 said:

1. As PPs have said please add a warning to your title.

2. I'm very sorry for your loss.....

3. But I don't really feel like this is the right board for this post. Miscarriage/Loss would be more appropriate IMO. Once you have moved on from your loss and are ready to TTC again then please come back and intro in an appropriate manner per board etiquette

I disagree. Many of us here have gone through our miscarriage and D&Cs. Some multiple times so we have some experiences to share about this.

A title warning would be nice but I really don't see a problem with the nature of the post itself.

FWIW I came here during my 2nd loss. I never went to the miscarriage/loss board.

I never went to the loss/mc board at all. I think this post is fine IMO.

SuperKim13 · July 2013

I am so sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here. I do not have much advice - I began to miscarry naturally before I had an ultrasound. It was painful and I bled for several days and then spotted off and on for a couple of weeks. So that was my experience with the natural way.

I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. As MrsDeo, the Pregnancy Loss/Miscarriage board is also a good supportive resource. If you stay here before you are cleared to TTC again, there are check-ins for others who are TTA and also one for newbies.

(((HUGS)))

LaRomana09 · July 2013

Pink Camino said:

ahenson818 said:

1. As PPs have said please add a warning to your title.

2. I'm very sorry for your loss.....

3. But I don't really feel like this is the right board for this post. Miscarriage/Loss would be more appropriate IMO. Once you have moved on from your loss and are ready to TTC again then please come back and intro in an appropriate manner per board etiquette

I disagree. Many of us here have gone through our miscarriage and D&Cs. Some multiple times so we have some experiences to share about this.

A title warning would be nice but I really don't see a problem with the nature of the post itself.

FWIW I came here during my 2nd loss. I never went to the miscarriage/loss board.

All of this, and I would also add that I think the gif use is a little insensitive considering what OP is going through.

PinkCamino · July 2013

LaRomana09 said:

Pink Camino said:

ahenson818 said:

1. As PPs have said please add a warning to your title.

2. I'm very sorry for your loss.....

3. But I don't really feel like this is the right board for this post. Miscarriage/Loss would be more appropriate IMO. Once you have moved on from your loss and are ready to TTC again then please come back and intro in an appropriate manner per board etiquette

I disagree. Many of us here have gone through our miscarriage and D&Cs. Some multiple times so we have some experiences to share about this.

A title warning would be nice but I really don't see a problem with the nature of the post itself.

FWIW I came here during my 2nd loss. I never went to the miscarriage/loss board.

All of this, and I would also add that I think the gif use is a little insensitive considering what OP is going through.

Agreed.

blackbird818 · July 2013

Well apparently I'm in the minority here. But today there has been a lot of discussion of board etiquette and I felt like this didn't follow established etiquette. Typically drive-by posters are frowned upon....

And the redirecting to MC/L I thought would be a good source of support based on where OP is in her journey. I know I found it very helpful and reflective of my emotions/feelings at the time.

Post was not meant to be insensitive. I'm sorry if it was taken that way. Not my intention

PinkCamino · July 2013

ahenson818 said:

Well apparently I'm in the minority here. But today there has been a lot of discussion of board etiquette and I felt like this didn't follow established etiquette. Typically drive-by posters are frowned upon....

And the redirecting to MC/L I thought would be a good source of support based on where OP is in her journey. I know I found it very helpful and reflective of my emotions/feelings at the time.

Post was not meant to be insensitive. I'm sorry if it was taken that way. Not my intention

in what way is this a drive by? I'm confused.

Board etiquette also involves kindness and showing sympathy to those that are struggling. Your response to this woman was rude and that GIF was totally inappropriate.

one2andnow3 · July 2013

Hey all I am sorry if I put a wave in your board. As intro meant I am planning on staying because I plan to start TTC as so as possible. Thank you to everyone who did give helpful feedback. I just went through one of the hardest times of my life 4 hours ago. No board is always friendly but I thought I could get the help I needed.

PinkCamino · July 2013

aleigha85 said:

Hey all I am sorry if I put a wave in your board. As intro meant I am planning on staying because I plan to start TTC as so as possible. Thank you to everyone who did give helpful feedback. I just went through one of the hardest times of my life 4 hours ago. No board is always friendly but I thought I could get the help I needed.

I'm so incredibly sorry that you had to witness that ridiculous act of stupidity.

Please feel free to post here. This board is full of amazing women who have a ton of support to offer.

((HUGE HUGS))

blackbird818 · July 2013

Alright I was being a b-i-t-c-h. I got it.

I apologize. I should prolly take a step back. Never one to be seen as "the mean girl" but that's exactly what I've done. I'm sorry!

OP I didn't not mean to be insensitive of your feelings and what you're going thru. I am sorry for that. But more so, as I had stated, I am very sorry for your loss!! Ts and Ps for you and your family!!

MsAmandaPants · July 2013

This is such a hard decision and I am so sorry that you find yourself having to make it. Obviously, it is a very personal decision.

I can tell you that with my first m/c I tried to wait for it to occur naturally, but my body would not cooperate and, after a couple of weeks, it became a potential threat to my health (infection concerns) so I had to move to a D&C. I will say that those couple of weeks waiting for the miscarriage to happen were extremely painful.

I had considered the pill with the first, but there is always a risk that you won't pass everything and will ultimately have to have a D&C anyway. For that, and because of the emotional toll inducing a miscarriage at home would have, I decided to go with the D&C.

With my second pregnancy, I went directly to the D&C. I will say that the two experiences between my two D&Cs were VASTLY different. For the first, I was awake and just lightly sedated with anxiety meds. For the second, I was put into twilight sleep. The second experience was much easier. I would talk to your doctor and determine the protocol they use and ask a lot of questions.

Big (((hugs))) to you. You are more than welcome to post here. I never went to the miscarriage board either.

Serenla · July 2013

I'm sorry for your loss op. ::hugs::
I was presented with only two options MC naturally or have a d and c. When I went into the docs office to confirm that I'd had a mmc I was totally against a d and c because I am more of a natural person. However because lo had stopped growing almost 4 weeks earlier my NP was concerned with infection and highly recommended the d and c, which I ended up having.
I HTH and it breaks my heart that you have to go through this.

harleychic726 · July 2013

I am very sorry for your loss. Do what feels right to you

jap618 · July 2013

I'm sorry for your loss. Welcome & hugs. With my first loss I went straight to the d&c. It was the right choice at the time. I needed the whole thing to be done with so I could begin to move on. The surgery was minor and I didn't have any complications so I would definitely do it again. With my 2nd loss I was in a weird space. I felt that I needed to feel the pain associated with the mc (don't ask me why... I was just in a bad space) and I chose medication (My body doesn't seem to recognize my mmc in a timely fashion. I had to do 2 doses and it still didn't work so I ended up having a d&c again. As Pink said it was more than a month after my loss with all of the follow ups and by the end of it I was exhausted and drained emotionally and physically. If I have a 3rd loss I don't know what I'll do, but both choices just seemed right for me at the time. Long story short, do what is best for you, I know it's not an easy decision nor one anyone should ever have to make. I'm so sorry again & I hope your stay here is short

jap618 · July 2013

Pink Camino said:

LaRomana09 said:

Pink Camino said:

ahenson818 said:

1. As PPs have said please add a warning to your title.

2. I'm very sorry for your loss.....

3. But I don't really feel like this is the right board for this post. Miscarriage/Loss would be more appropriate IMO. Once you have moved on from your loss and are ready to TTC again then please come back and intro in an appropriate manner per board etiquette

I disagree. Many of us here have gone through our miscarriage and D&Cs. Some multiple times so we have some experiences to share about this.

A title warning would be nice but I really don't see a problem with the nature of the post itself.

FWIW I came here during my 2nd loss. I never went to the miscarriage/loss board.

All of this, and I would also add that I think the gif use is a little insensitive considering what OP is going through.

Agreed.

Agreed. [Y] My jaw dropped when I initially saw the gif being used. I was so confused. OP I'm sorry you had to deal with this today.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

I am so sorry for your loss.

I had a D&C with both my losses, and I don't regret it. The entire process of losing a baby is already hard enough, I didn't want to drag out the emotional pain any longer than necessary. With my first pregnancy, the embryo had stopped growing three weeks prior to us finding out and it didn't look like anything was happening anytime soon naturally. Feeling pregnant after knowing your baby is no longer alive is really hard to deal with, I can't imagine going through that for another couple weeks. Another added bonus for me was that we had a chromosomal analysis done both times.

The decision is entirely up to you, and I wish you the very best no matter what choice you make.

LiaMadi1 · July 2013

@aleigha85, I am in the exact same situation right now. I will be headed to my doc tomorrow and am debating the same three options. I am hoping to naturally process this, but if the medication is necessary I will be taking as my second option. A DnC would be my last option, personally. I am thankful for your post to again connect with another woman in a similar situation. ((Hugs)) to you and your family during this time.

one2andnow3 · July 2013

LiaMadi1 said:

@aleigha85, I am in the exact same situation right now. I will be headed to my doc tomorrow and am debating the same three options. I am hoping to naturally process this, but if the medication is necessary I will be taking as my second option. A DnC would be my last option, personally. I am thankful for your post to again connect with another woman in a similar situation. ((Hugs)) to you and your family during this time.

I am glad we are both having the same thought process. I am not having any signs it will pass naturally. It has been 3 weeks since growth stopped and two since I have known something might be wrong. I am emotionally exhausted so I went ahead and took the pill earlier today. I am nervous that everything will not pass on its own but if that is the case I will move onto the next option. Please keep me posted on your situation. I know it helps me if someone is just willing to listen. PM me if you want. T&Ps are being sent your way.

LiaMadi1 · July 2013

aleigha85 said:

LiaMadi1 said:

@aleigha85, I am in the exact same situation right now. I will be headed to my doc tomorrow and am debating the same three options. I am hoping to naturally process this, but if the medication is necessary I will be taking as my second option. A DnC would be my last option, personally. I am thankful for your post to again connect with another woman in a similar situation. ((Hugs)) to you and your family during this time.

I am glad we are both having the same thought process. I am not having any signs it will pass naturally. It has been 3 weeks since growth stopped and two since I have known something might be wrong. I am emotionally exhausted so I went ahead and took the pill earlier today. I am nervous that everything will not pass on its own but if that is the case I will move onto the next option. Please keep me posted on your situation. I know it helps me if someone is just willing to listen. PM me if you want. T&Ps are being sent your way.

It seemed as though when I talked to my doc this evening she would offer the pill. I am going out of town this weekend, so I'm hoping it will hold off this weekend and if it doesn't happen then I can take the pill on Monday/Sunday night. I remember the last MC took awhile to pass naturally, but once it did I was in pain for one evening and, physically, recovered quickly. You will also have to keep me posted on how you are doing.

one2andnow3 · July 2013

I am feeling better today, but exhausted is an understatement. I am going to try and rest this morning. I am glad the worst is behind me.

one2andnow3 · July 2013

@Qfrump thank you for the info! It was very helpful and I sent DH to the store as soon as I read your message. It was not bad. I cramped for 5 hours which was probably the worst and I found closure in the rest of the process.

Junebug060609 · July 2013

LaRomana09 said:

Pink Camino said:

ahenson818 said:

1. As PPs have said please add a warning to your title.

2. I'm very sorry for your loss.....

3. But I don't really feel like this is the right board for this post. Miscarriage/Loss would be more appropriate IMO. Once you have moved on from your loss and are ready to TTC again then please come back and intro in an appropriate manner per board etiquette

I disagree. Many of us here have gone through our miscarriage and D&Cs. Some multiple times so we have some experiences to share about this.

A title warning would be nice but I really don't see a problem with the nature of the post itself.

FWIW I came here during my 2nd loss. I never went to the miscarriage/loss board.

All of this, and I would also add that I think the gif use is a little insensitive considering what OP is going through.
^^that was supposed to be a quote as well...

Agreed. It was a LOT insensitive. The OP is going through one of the worst experiences many of us have had. She came here, to a board full of women who have experienced miscarriages, to ask for advice on what to do. Many of the ladies on mc/pl dont have the experience to answer this question as they are in the thick of their loss now.

There may be moments in the near future where op's posts may be better suited for that board...but I dont think this was one of them. And I think somewhere along the way you missed how incredibly protective this board, and all of the AL boards, are of ladies currently going through a loss. Gently directing her to the other board would be one thing, using a rude GIF is quite another. (Hopefully I deleted the gif right in this quote, I dont want it to be repeated in my quote.)

OP, Im sorry for both your loss and the pp's response.

Regarding your question, it really is up to you. There isnt a right or wrong answer.

doglover31 · July 2013

With my first loss I had a MMC and opted to do a D&C. For me it provided closure and I didn't want to wait for it to happen naturally since it could have taken some time.
It's definitely something you should think about and is a very personal decision. (((Hugs))) I'm so sorry for your loss.

LiaMadi1 · July 2013

@Qfrump...thanks for asking! I actually just finished with my doc. The embryo is gone, but the sac is still there. My cervix is closed and she's confused what might be going on because I'm currently not mud carrying but every this is not gone. I'm waiting a week to see if it will naturally happen then if it doesn't after a week I will take the pill next weekend to hopefully make it happen. I am dreading a DnC so I am hoping it doesn't get to that point.

I am so thankful for this post!!

lindsebert · July 2013

Qfrump said:

aleigha85 said:

I am feeling better today, but exhausted is an understatement. I am going to try and rest this morning. I am glad the worst is behind me.

So happy to hear this. For me, the heavy bleeding lasted several days, but I was 10 weeks by then. @LiaMadi1, how are you doing? Did you make a decision.

Ditto that you're feeling better. As Q said, my heavy bleeding lasted several days as well. I was 9 weeks, so that may be a part of it. I hope you are still doing as well as can be expected. ((Hugs))

Poppy715 · July 2013

aleigha85 said:

Hey all I am sorry if I put a wave in your board. As intro meant I am planning on staying because I plan to start TTC as so as possible. Thank you to everyone who did give helpful feedback. I just went through one of the hardest times of my life 4 hours ago. No board is always friendly but I thought I could get the help I needed.

There are no waves my dear. i'm so very sorry for your loss. Either board would be happy to help you and give you suggestions. You will find women on each going through the same thing. Most do go to m/c and preg loss first but it's not a rule. We will welcome you with open arms. PP was disrespectful. I agree a warning is helpful but you don't have pictures of your kiddos and are going through a really hard time right now. Grace should be shown.

PP I'm all about a good gif when appropriate. Yes there has been a lot about board etiquette lately but this was not the time to argue about where OP should be. This was not a drive by it was a question for help on a terribly difficult decision. Please have some compassion for something we've all gone through.

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