Ok, it just got worse!

aec22 · July 2013

I posted here (https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/9120955/nbsr-bridal-shower-holy-tackiness) about my cousin's upcoming bridal shower. She wants to "go green" by having unwrapped gifts or gifts wrapped in clear plastic. And she is having a wine wishing well. I thought it couldn't get more tacky, but then I checked her wedding website. She is registered at Macy's and at Honeyfund. That's right, she registered for a honeymoon. Everything from swimming with the dolphins, their actual room, massages and turtle excursions to ATV tours, dinners, and bottles of wine are on there. They are going to Bora Bora for either 10 or 14 days, not sure. Am I alone in thinking this is extremely tacky? Keep in mind the husband has a good-paying job and bought a home two years ago in an upscale area. She is almost 30 and has never had a full time job and almost everything from her college education, all her cars (past and present), etc... has been paid for by her parents or millionaire uncle.

To me, you don't plan a honeymoon you can't afford. Although I believe they can afford this especially considering I'm willing to bet their airfare was paid for by her uncle (who has a private jet and they may even be using that). It totally rubs me the wrong way that they are expecting people to fund their extravagant trip. DH and I couldn't afford much when we got married, so we planned a nice week at the beach in NJ and paid for it all ourselves. We would never dream of asking our friends and family to pay for such a thing. Thoughts?

aec22 · July 2013

milkergirl1 said:

I don't think Honeyfund is tacky. It's just another registry imo. I'm guessing they've already planned and payed for the honeymoon. With Honeyfund, they have the option to link a Paypal account to it, but most people just have it set up where the gift giver prints out the request for the gift, such as swimming with the dolphins, and then writes a check to the couple. It's a way around asking for money, since gift givers that don't want to give cash feel as if they've actually contributed to something. I'm assuming since they already have a home that they don't need 10 more toasters or blenders.

Just because they can afford everything, does that mean they shouldn't get gifts at their wedding?

^That is a fair point. I do think they should get gifts, I just think registering for a honeymoon is a little much.

TREDgirl · July 2013

We also did Macy's and Honeyfund and got so many positive remarks about it. People like to give money at a wedding. They also like to give gifts. This gives them the opportunity to give a money gift 'assigned' to something. It makes them feel like they are giving something tangible. I don't think it's tacky at all.

We had our honeymoon all planned out and paid for and this was a nice perk.

Cranang · July 2013

Yes, OP it is tacky. It may be "accepted" by some people, but it's still rude. What are we going to have next? When your kid graduates from kindergarten/elementary school/middle school/high school, you have a fund set up that people can "donate" to for their college? Sorry, if I'm going to give you cash, I'll just give you cash.

aec22 · July 2013

TREDgirl said:

We also did Macy's and Honeyfund and got so many positive remarks about it. People like to give money at a wedding. They also like to give gifts. This gives them the opportunity to give a money gift 'assigned' to something. It makes them feel like they are giving something tangible. I don't think it's tacky at all.

We had our honeymoon all planned out and paid for and this was a nice perk.

Just a question, this isn't supposed to sound snarky. If you already had it planned and paid for, why did you register for it? If I already have a coffee maker, toaster oven, stand mixer, etc... I wouldn't have another on my registry. I wouldn't expect to be compensated something I already bought or something like that. Idk, just my opinion.

JackieA2013 · July 2013

I didn't do it, but I don't think the honeymoon registries are so bad. I agree with some of the previous posters; it's just another kind of registry.

ordinary1 · July 2013

Tacky and gross! If I want to give money I will. They may be "accepted" or common but that doesn't make it any less tacky!

PrimRoseMama · July 2013

Yuck. I think Honeyfund is a way to advertise that you lack class and sophistication. Pay for your own honeymoon. There is no need to use the Internet to panhandle for it. It's so incredibly tacky. :-q #-o [-(

dufferoo · July 2013

Cranang said:

What are we going to have next? When your kid graduates from kindergarten/elementary school/middle school/high school, you have a fund set up that people can "donate" to for their college? .

Don't give people any ideas!!

RibbitGrl930 · July 2013

jociejones said:

Cranang said:

What are we going to have next? When your kid graduates from kindergarten/elementary school/middle school/high school, you have a fund set up that people can "donate" to for their college? .

Don't give people any ideas!!

Hate to tell you, but I think these things already exist.

mysticl · July 2013

I'm just curious how wrapping gifts in clear plastic constitutes being "green".

Personally I don't think registering for a honeymoon indicates you "expect" your guests to pay for it any more than registering at Macy's indicates you "expect" your guests to outfit your home. They are just options to give guests an idea of what you would like.

olga1311 · July 2013

I agree with PP about Honeyfund just being another register. We did and a lot of people went out of their way to tell us how cool it is they get to gift us an experience rather then a mixer.

PrimRoseMama · July 2013

Gag! Why do so many people find Honeyfund acceptable?!

RibbitGrl930 · July 2013

estreyas said:

PrimRoseMama said:

Gag! Why do so many people find Honeyfund acceptable?!

I think a PP pinned it down pretty well - it's about experiential gifts rather than physical gifts. I had never heard of Honeyfund until this thread, but I know that my husband's family goes in more for experiential stuff than physical. Last Christmas, everyone (myself included) went for 10 days of scuba diving in the Caribbean. There may be some tangible presents like a sweater, earrings, books, etc. but they much prefer experiential gifts. I can see where Honeyfund would appeal to that crowd, because someone can express the sort of experience they want, and then other people can help facilitate it if they so choose to. If not? There are always other registry items.

When my husband and I got married, our registry was small: we were moving to India any day, at that point, and we'd both had our own apartments so there was no need for toasters, blenders, sheets and the like. We had a handful of things we were told we couldn't get here, and a lot of people ended up going the cash route, which helped a lot when we moved and prices were nowhere near what we were told to expect.

#edit for formatting

The problem with that reasoning is that a honeymoon is not a necessary part of being married. It is a completely voluntary part of celebration that the bride and groom *choose* to do. Heck, having a traditional wedding ceremony and reception are not necessary to be married. i'd put a honeymoon registry on par with asking guests to chip in toward the alcohol at the reception.

polinaant · July 2013

mysticl said:
I'm just curious how wrapping gifts in clear plastic constitutes being "green".

Personally I don't think registering for a honeymoon indicates you "expect" your guests to pay for it any more than registering at Macy's indicates you "expect" your guests to outfit your home. They are just options to give guests an idea of what you would like.

This. Registry is a registry. Who cares what it's for. I don't find registering for an expensive espresso machine less tacky than an experience you'll remember forever. I'd prefer to give that type of gift over a materialistic "thing". But ya what's w the plastic?

TREDgirl · July 2013

aec22 said:

TREDgirl said:

We also did Macy's and Honeyfund and got so many positive remarks about it. People like to give money at a wedding. They also like to give gifts. This gives them the opportunity to give a money gift 'assigned' to something. It makes them feel like they are giving something tangible. I don't think it's tacky at all.

We had our honeymoon all planned out and paid for and this was a nice perk.

Just a question, this isn't supposed to sound snarky. If you already had it planned and paid for, why did you register for it? If I already have a coffee maker, toaster oven, stand mixer, etc... I wouldn't have another on my registry. I wouldn't expect to be compensated something I already bought or something like that. Idk, just my opinion.

Hehe I don't get bent out of shape at others opinions. As other people have said it's an experience that family and friends can give you. DH and I are fairly unconventional and our family and friends acknowledge and accept that about us.Perhaps our friends and family are more in line with how we think but they were pretty excited to gift us a tour, or an admission into a museum. When they see pictures they're like 'oh hey we gave that gift to them!'

A registry is a registry. People are going to do and gift what they want and are comfortable with.

SingleMom31 · July 2013

TREDgirl said:

aec22 said:

TREDgirl said:

We also did Macy's and Honeyfund and got so many positive remarks about it. People like to give money at a wedding. They also like to give gifts. This gives them the opportunity to give a money gift 'assigned' to something. It makes them feel like they are giving something tangible. I don't think it's tacky at all.

We had our honeymoon all planned out and paid for and this was a nice perk.
Just a question, this isn't supposed to sound snarky. If you already had it planned and paid for, why did you register for it? If I already have a coffee maker, toaster oven, stand mixer, etc... I wouldn't have another on my registry. I wouldn't expect to be compensated something I already bought or something like that. Idk, just my opinion.

Hehe I don't get bent out of shape at others opinions. As other people have said it's an experience that family and friends can give you. DH and I are fairly unconventional and our family and friends acknowledge and accept that about us.Perhaps our friends and family are more in line with how we think but they were pretty excited to gift us a tour, or an admission into a museum. When they see pictures they're like 'oh hey we gave that gift to them!'

A registry is a registry. People are going to do and gift what they want and are comfortable with.

I'm mostly curious -- If you already paid for it, how did that work? Did you get your cash refunded if someone bought the experience, or did you just get cash for what they "brought," or were you able to re-allocate it to other things?

TREDgirl · July 2013

SingleMom31 said:

TREDgirl said:

aec22 said:

TREDgirl said:

We also did Macy's and Honeyfund and got so many positive remarks about it. People like to give money at a wedding. They also like to give gifts. This gives them the opportunity to give a money gift 'assigned' to something. It makes them feel like they are giving something tangible. I don't think it's tacky at all.

We had our honeymoon all planned out and paid for and this was a nice perk.
Just a question, this isn't supposed to sound snarky. If you already had it planned and paid for, why did you register for it? If I already have a coffee maker, toaster oven, stand mixer, etc... I wouldn't have another on my registry. I wouldn't expect to be compensated something I already bought or something like that. Idk, just my opinion.

Hehe I don't get bent out of shape at others opinions. As other people have said it's an experience that family and friends can give you. DH and I are fairly unconventional and our family and friends acknowledge and accept that about us.Perhaps our friends and family are more in line with how we think but they were pretty excited to gift us a tour, or an admission into a museum. When they see pictures they're like 'oh hey we gave that gift to them!'

A registry is a registry. People are going to do and gift what they want and are comfortable with.
I'm mostly curious -- If you already paid for it, how did that work? Did you get your cash refunded if someone bought the experience, or did you just get cash for what they "brought," or were you able to re-allocate it to other things?

We had our saved up money for all the things we planned on doing. We didn't physically purchase any experience items until we were actually there, since we didn't know what days we would be doing such and such. The money that people gave through the Honeyfund went directly into a paypal account.

lashagu · July 2013

I like the idea of the honeyfund and I've heard this is becoming more popular now; I think by the time our kids are grown it will be the thing to do. I prefer to give money for a cool experience than give cash or buy an overpriced item at a store that must likely will be used once in a blue moon. I do agree that the rest of the bride behavior with the bridal shower is kind of ridiculous but hey, her behavior has been given us something to talk about the last couple of days.

DFico21 · July 2013

I did not do this but recently I know a ton of couples who have. I don't think it's any different than registering for physical objects and in certain circumstances I think it is better! Two of the couples I know who did it already lived together and had most common registry items, guests including me wanted to know what to buy them, this registry provided that. If I don't want to buy/contribute to it I don't.

Reality is that showers were given to shower the bride with things she needed for her new married life and home. People lived at home until marriage and needed everything, that is not how it is now. When I was a kid wishing wells at bridal showers were made out of a kitchen garbage can, a broom and a mop with a roof, guests brought items like sponges, dish towels and plastic wrap to put in it because the newlyweds had to set up their kitchen from scratch!

Cranang · July 2013

Why not just put your bank account information on the there? When someone says "where are you registered?', you can just say "Bank of America." Boom...done.

:-q

slmille4 · July 2013

If you're going on the assumption that getting married doesn't entitle you to automatically have a honeymoon, you can say that getting married doesn't automatically entitle you to get any gifts or money. We set up a Paypal account in myregistry.com and if people wanted to give cash that way so be it, we also called it ur honeymoon fund because that was what we were going to use our cash for.

SingleMom31 · July 2013

TREDgirl said:

SingleMom31 said:

TREDgirl said:

aec22 said:

TREDgirl said:

We also did Macy's and Honeyfund and got so many positive remarks about it. People like to give money at a wedding. They also like to give gifts. This gives them the opportunity to give a money gift 'assigned' to something. It makes them feel like they are giving something tangible. I don't think it's tacky at all.

We had our honeymoon all planned out and paid for and this was a nice perk.
Just a question, this isn't supposed to sound snarky. If you already had it planned and paid for, why did you register for it? If I already have a coffee maker, toaster oven, stand mixer, etc... I wouldn't have another on my registry. I wouldn't expect to be compensated something I already bought or something like that. Idk, just my opinion.

Hehe I don't get bent out of shape at others opinions. As other people have said it's an experience that family and friends can give you. DH and I are fairly unconventional and our family and friends acknowledge and accept that about us.Perhaps our friends and family are more in line with how we think but they were pretty excited to gift us a tour, or an admission into a museum. When they see pictures they're like 'oh hey we gave that gift to them!'

A registry is a registry. People are going to do and gift what they want and are comfortable with.

I'm mostly curious -- If you already paid for it, how did that work? Did you get your cash refunded if someone bought the experience, or did you just get cash for what they "brought," or were you able to re-allocate it to other things?

We had our saved up money for all the things we planned on doing. We didn't physically purchase any experience items until we were actually there, since we didn't know what days we would be doing such and such. The money that people gave through the Honeyfund went directly into a paypal account.

I've never heard of this before, so this is mostly me thinking out loud... If the site is just depositing the cash into your account, how is this different than just asking for cash?

BakerMommy · July 2013

I think people generally get that couples often go on a trip after getting married. When my cousin got married, we wanted to give her money toward her honeymoon. So, we gave a check with "Honeymoon!

" in the subject line. It accomplished the same thing as a honeyfund, but without fees or tackiness.

Meery82 · July 2013

Sing2phins said:

slmille4 said:

If you're going on the assumption that getting married doesn't entitle you to automatically have a honeymoon, you can say that getting married doesn't automatically entitle you to get any gifts or money. We set up a Paypal account in myregistry.com and if people wanted to give cash that way so be it, we also called it ur honeymoon fund because that was what we were going to use our cash for.

Um, it doesn't. Gifts are never required at a wedding.

When is someone ever entitled to gifts or money? All I can think of is at a paying job...

amandarins · July 2013

On my cousins wedding website, it mentioned a registry as well as that they would be "accepting donations" toward their tropical honeymoon. I didn't even RSVP. That whole family is disgustingly tacky.

slmille4 · July 2013

My point then was if thats tacky wouldn't all registries be considered tacky then?

doublefiesta · July 2013

When bridal registries were invented about a 100 yrs ago, they were seen as tacky. It's taken them a long time to gain acceptance in polite society, probably bc they did make gift-giving convenient. There's nothing about honeymoon registries that make it more convenient for the guest than bringing cash or a check.

That said, honeymoon registries are a fairly new thing. I wouldn't be surprised if by the time my DD got married they were perfectly acceptable.

slmille4 said:

My point then was if thats tacky wouldn't all registries be considered tacky then?

mysticl · July 2013

doublefiesta said:

When bridal registries were invented about a 100 yrs ago, they were seen as tacky. It's taken them a long time to gain acceptance in polite society, probably bc they did make gift-giving convenient. There's nothing about honeymoon registries that make it more convenient for the guest than bringing cash or a check.

That said, honeymoon registries are a fairly new thing. I wouldn't be surprised if by the time my DD got married they were perfectly acceptable.

slmille4 said:

My point then was if thats tacky wouldn't all registries be considered tacky then?

What's your definition of fairly new? A friend of mine registered for her honeymoon over 15 years ago.

doublefiesta · July 2013

mysticl said:

doublefiesta said:

When bridal registries were invented about a 100 yrs ago, they were seen as tacky. It's taken them a long time to gain acceptance in polite society, probably bc they did make gift-giving convenient. There's nothing about honeymoon registries that make it more convenient for the guest than bringing cash or a check.

That said, honeymoon registries are a fairly new thing. I wouldn't be surprised if by the time my DD got married they were perfectly acceptable.

slmille4 said:

My point then was if thats tacky wouldn't all registries be considered tacky then?

What's your definition of fairly new? A friend of mine registered for her honeymoon over 15 years ago.

IMO, "fairly new" for another generation or so. 2004 was when I first started going to weddings for my friends, and since then I've gone to about 35-40 weddings. No one had a honeymoon registry. When I was planning my own wedding in 2007, they showed up in articles about new alternatives to registries.

mysticl · July 2013

doublefiesta said:

mysticl said:

doublefiesta said:

When bridal registries were invented about a 100 yrs ago, they were seen as tacky. It's taken them a long time to gain acceptance in polite society, probably bc they did make gift-giving convenient. There's nothing about honeymoon registries that make it more convenient for the guest than bringing cash or a check.

That said, honeymoon registries are a fairly new thing. I wouldn't be surprised if by the time my DD got married they were perfectly acceptable.

slmille4 said:

My point then was if thats tacky wouldn't all registries be considered tacky then?

What's your definition of fairly new? A friend of mine registered for her honeymoon over 15 years ago.

IMO, "fairly new" for another generation or so. 2004 was when I first started going to weddings for my friends, and since then I've gone to about 35-40 weddings. No one had a honeymoon registry. When I was planning my own wedding in 2007, they showed up in articles about new alternatives to registries.

My friend registered for her honeymoon about 10 years prior to that. It wasn't an online registry, it was something set up through their travel agent.

Twinkie0612 · July 2013

slmille4 said:

My point then was if thats tacky wouldn't all registries be considered tacky then?

For me, I think of registries as a way of communicating what a person needs. Most people find this useful because they want to give a gift that will help the couple. That being said, if you don't have anything on the registry that I want to buy, I will purchase something not on the registry. My problem with a honeymoon registry is that I feel like wedding gifts are generally given to help the couple set up their new home and I don't feel like honeymoons fall into that category. There are times that I have given cash as a wedding gift and I'm fine with the couple using it however they want. I am not a fan of essentially registering for money and this is a sure fire way of not getting cash as a gift from me.

RibbitGrl930 · July 2013

Edit: Wrong thread. HTH did that happen?!

NydaP · July 2013

Cranang said:

Why not just put your bank account information on the there? When someone says "where are you registered?', you can just say "Bank of America." Boom...done.

:-q

I'm sad to say I know someone who did this.

linzerd · July 2013

milkergirl1 said:

I don't think Honeyfund is tacky. It's just another registry imo. I'm guessing they've already planned and payed for the honeymoon. With Honeyfund, they have the option to link a Paypal account to it, but most people just have it set up where the gift giver prints out the request for the gift, such as swimming with the dolphins, and then writes a check to the couple. It's a way around asking for money, since gift givers that don't want to give cash feel as if they've actually contributed to something. I'm assuming since they already have a home that they don't need 10 more toasters or blenders.

Just because they can afford everything, does that mean they shouldn't get gifts at their wedding?

This.
I've know people who already had their honeymoon planned but had a website where someone can contribute to the fund for their trip. Like PP said above, if they don't need another toaster, why not register for something they are actually going to use?

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