Is saying you have "mommybrain" an insult?

gui's gal · July 2013

One of my dearest friends, who neither works nor is a mom, said I had "mommybrain" earlier today because I forgot the date of one of our neighborhood events.

This was the first time anyone said this to me, and for some reason, it made me angry. It made me feel that because I'm a mom now that I can't juggle everything that I used to juggle...and maybe that's true...well, okay, it is true..., but it still made me feel that I'm lesser of a person now in some ways.

Just needed to vent...

She's a dear friend, so regardless of if it's an insult or not, I'll forgive and forget...

shakespearenluv · July 2013

Honestly she probably said it jokingly. I've actually used it on myself! Try not to be too offended. At least, I wouldn't be. Forgive and forget sounds like the best option.

shannm · July 2013

You are allowed to say it about yourself but you shouldn't say it about someone else. Especially if you don't have kids.

Karla CS · July 2013

Doesn't bother me.. If you want to get nitty gritty, you can view it as a compliment - you've got better and more important things to focus on - you're keeping another PERSON alive.

That being said, I've also proudly suffered from bride brain, pregnancy brain, and now mommy brain.

jnnfrrose6 · July 2013

shannm:
You are allowed to say it about yourself but you shouldn't say it about someone else. Especially if you don't have kids.

This. I'll happily use it as an excuse for myself (usually just to DH), but wouldn't be happy about someone saying it to me.

mexicolombiana · July 2013

I don't think your friend said it as an insult but I personally HATE that term. It makes it seem like just because I have kids I can't remember things. Not true at all. Maybe I'm too busy to remember stupid crap in my life, but I just hate the way it sounds.

JSS1002 · July 2013

I say it about myself constantly, so I wouldn't take it as an insult.

And as an example of my mom-brain, I can't remember if I've introduced myself here before or not. So, hi -- nice to meet y'all. I just went back to work full time last week after having my LO. I'm a sr. marketing manager in the corporate headquarters of a huge retailer (think big red bullseye).

LoCarb · July 2013

My mommy brain would make me forget her comment within minutes.

thedash · July 2013

I would probably not be annoyed if a friend said it to me about a neighborhood event. I would be very annoyed if someone at work said it to me about anything at all. But I'm also pretty touchy about that stuff.

groovygrl · July 2013

I think it is one of those things that someone would totally say about themselves but then be like HEY ! if someone else said it. I'm sure it was meant jokingly. If it were at work about work related stuff I would find it a pretty weird comment (though it would depend on who it came from & the relationship) but w/a good friend, I wouldn't be too upset.

laurakaz13 · July 2013

Nope. I had it. It's a real thing in my opinion. I was exhausted and couldn't remember a damn thing for a long time after giving birth.

SunAndRain · July 2013

Clearly it is intended to be a put-down, even if it is said jokingly. If she said, " You have Einstein-brain" wouldn't that be rather flattering?

And she doesn't work and she isn't a mom. If I were her I wouldn't be so judgmental. Clearly she has a lot more time on her hands to be perfect.

MamaAllison · July 2013

JSS1002 said:

I say it about myself constantly, so I wouldn't take it as an insult.

And as an example of my mom-brain, I can't remember if I've introduced myself here before or not. So, hi -- nice to meet y'all. I just went back to work full time last week after having my LO. I'm a sr. marketing manager in the corporate headquarters of a huge retailer (think big red bullseye).

Then you are to blame for the $600 I've spent at said red-bullseye this week? I loathe and love you at the same time!

itsmevkb · July 2013

I'd take it as a bit of an insult, although I'm sure she meant it in a joking fashion.

I've always had trouble remembering names, both before and after having kids, that's not "mommy brain" it's just how I am.

Being a mom hasn't changed my ability to remember things, I just selectively choose what I want to remember.

I don't know anyone, mom or not, who hasn't ever forgotten something.

BeachBum73 · July 2013

It's not an insult to me. I fully embrace that I have it. But I'm also old so that's part of it too.

BeachBum73 · July 2013

Karla CS said:

Doesn't bother me.. If you want to get nitty gritty, you can view it as a compliment - you've got better and more important things to focus on - you're keeping another PERSON alive.
That being said, I've also proudly suffered from bride brain, pregnancy brain, and now mommy brain.

Even as a parent, I find this insulting. Do you mean that childless people don't have "better and more important things to focus on..."?

Karla CS · July 2013

BeachBum73 said:

Karla CS said:

Doesn't bother me.. If you want to get nitty gritty, you can view it as a compliment - you've got better and more important things to focus on - you're keeping another PERSON alive.
That being said, I've also proudly suffered from bride brain, pregnancy brain, and now mommy brain.

Even as a parent, I find this insulting. Do you mean that childless people don't have "better and more important things to focus on..."?

At the end of the day, 90% of what comes out of ANYONE'S mouth can be considered insulting if your'e sensitive about stuff. It's up to you to decide how to interpret stuff, and if you chose to, you can walk around reading into everything that everyone says and be miserable, you can chose to ignore it, or you can chose to try to find some way to interpret it into something positive. Choice is all yours.

Karla CS · July 2013

And yes, I think focusing on keeping another person alive is more important than remembering the date of a neighborhood block party. Priorities.

jnealet · July 2013

SunAndRain said:

Clearly it is intended to be a put-down, even if it is said jokingly. If she said, " You have Einstein-brain" wouldn't that be rather flattering?

And she doesn't work and she isn't a mom. If I were her I wouldn't be so judgmental. Clearly she has a lot more time on her hands to be perfect.

I don't see it as a put down at all! Its an excuse, she was giving you a way out to not feel bad about not remembering. I have mommybrain and a bad case of it, I can't remember anything anymore but I also juggle so much more between my two girls, job, house, husband and general life. My brain dumps anything and everything that isn't right in front of me.

Mustardseed2007 · July 2013

I think it's insulting, but it wasn't meant as an insult. It's a commonly accepted excuse to get out of forgetting, but I really don't like it. I think it's more or less insulting depending on who says it.

What if a man said it, or a childless man? It would come out as super insulting. And if the woman saying it doesn't have kids it's insulting too.

I also hate pregnancy brain even though I think I've read that it's a medical fact.

boogerbearoriginal · July 2013

Generally speaking, I find it condescending, feels a bit like the speaker is doing a ::pat-pat:: poor little woman can't remember things now that she's tied up with diapers.

Obviously, I'm sure your friend didn't mean it that way, but I don't care for the phrase. It feels dismissive, as though you can't be expected to do much thinking/stuff now that you're a mommy.

And, all people forget things from time to time. I'd have probably said something then and there but now that it's so long after the fact I'd just let it go.

kristennd · July 2013

I'm fine with it for the first year because I always defined it as Sleep Deprivation Brain. But after that it would feel like an insult, yes. I certainly don't use my kid as an excuse for being disorganized.

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