Was anyone's preemie in a NICU far from home?

direy25 · July 2013

Hi ladies, I could use some advice. Today marks 4 weeks since I've been home after being airlifted to a hospital which is a 4 hour drive from home to deliver our 27 weeker. My husband works during the week and spends the weekends here with us, I'm staying at the Ronald McDonald house near the hospital.

The nurses have all said that it would be good for me to go home for a bit, maybe a long weekend, but the thought of being 4 hours away from my LO leaves me wracked with guilt. He's doing amazingly well, they have plenty of my breast milk stored in the freezer and I know he's in the best place he can be and is well taken care of. I just can't get past the thought of being 4 hours away though. I keep having those thoughts of what if something happens?

Have any of you dealt with that? Did you spend any time away?

Shabutie · July 2013

My daughter was born at 32 weeks in a hospital an hour away from home. She stayed in the NICU for 3 weeks and I stayed across the street at the Ronald McDonald House. That place was wonderful and I was so glad to have been able to stay there and be close to my tiny baby. That being said, I was going batty staying there by myself. My husband worked during the week, too, and would come stay with me during the weekends. After he saw me on that second weekend, he told me that I was acting crazy. Between NICU visits and what seemed like CONSTANT pumping and getting practically NO milk, I got almost no sleep whatsoever. He made me slow down and encouraged me to get more sleep. He brought me back to our house for a night and, the next day, I felt vastly better. I was able to relax and I didn't stress out knowing that my baby was well cared for.

I would recommend going home for a night or two. You have the added benefit of having a stash of breastmilk that will be enough for your baby, which is awesome, and I'm always happy to hear of Mamas working hard to make sure their baby is able to get breastmilk. So kudos to you

(Not judging formula feeders- it's what I ended up being forced to do)

I know just how you feel in your situation, and I wish someone had told me sooner that it was okay to relax and get a good night's sleep before the baby was released, because I sure didn't get any when we finally brought her home!

Of course, I completely understand the guilty feeling. I thought I would feel much worse about going home, and I resisted for a while, but when I did get there I didn't feel nearly as guilty as I thought I might. That night at home totally refreshed me and I was that much happier when I next went to see baby girl.

Nita14701 · July 2013

We were a 45 minute drive away. The hospital is a couple of minutes from where I work and I went there to be checked out and ended up getting admitted. So not as far as you are dealing with. She was there during hurricaine sandy though and my husband and I spent most of the morning watching the news and trying to figure out when the best time would be for us to go to the hospital. Even though we had talked to the nurses on the phone and everything was ok, we still felt like we needed to be there. So I guess my advice is to go with your gut. Even though the nurses may tell you it would be good for you to go home, if the whole time you're home your feeling you should be at the hosptial, it's not serving it's purpose of helping you to rest.

Mrs. Alice · July 2013

I had twins at 28 weeks in a hospital 2 hours/100 miles away. My DH wasn't able to take much time off so he had to work during the week. We were very fortunate that the hospital had an old wing with rooms for out of town NICU families to stay in free of charge.

I had already been in the hospital on bed rest for over a month before their birth so I felt compelled to go home for short periods so that I could get settled again. I would usually go home twice a week, my mom and I would come for a few days during the week and then my DH and I would go together on the weekend. It still terrified me that something might happen while I was at home but since for the most part they were pretty stable like your LO. Either way it's really hard!

We were also lucky that we were able to transfer them at 33 weeks GA to the hospital in town, so the last 5 weeks of their NICU stay they were only a 20 minute drive away. Any chance your LO can come closer to home soon? I found myself being way more involved at staying with them for longer periods once they started bottle and breastfeeding. Thinking of you through this challenging time. HUGS.

rslhmg · July 2013

Dd was born at 32 wks and was an hour and a half away from home. A pp said go with your gut, I recommend that as well. I had to come home for my post partum and since it was an early am visit I was home the night before. It was too much for me to be away the one night. I stayed at the ronald mcdonald house 2 blocks from the hospital aside from the one night. I will say that I had my mom with me the whole time so she was pretty on top of keeping me from pushing myself too hard. Because it was summer and dh had his other 2 children he wasnt able to stay with me the whole time. Some moms benefit from some time away, others dont. Do what you feel is right for you, but even if you dont go home do take some time for yourself.

punky917 · July 2013

DS was born at 26 weeks while we were visiting family 5 hours away from home. I just finished grad school and just had a retail job so I really didn't feel the need to go home. DH went back to work a couple of weeks after he was born and his work schedule allowed him to drive weekly to spend 3 days with us. So, that is what we did for 4 months. The only time I went home was to have my baby shower that I had begrudgingly and I drove in the night before and drove back as soon as the shower was over. I did spend some time with DH's parents who we were visiting just to get away, but I never wanted to leave the NICU.

That being said, I don't think it was healthy for me to have been in the NICU 24/7. I should have taken maybe at least one day a week even for a couple of hours to get away and get refreshed. The NICU was a nightmare of a roller coaster for us and it would have been good for my sanity to recoup. Also, I did believe that he was in the best place and given the best care so I really should have learned to trust them a bit. Just like you though, I was scared that the moment I left something would happen. I would highly suggest taking a couple of hours a week to yourself, even if you don't go all the way home. Maybe do something nice for yourself. Trust me, it will definitely help!

direy25 · July 2013

Thank you all so much for the replies, I really appreciate it! Definitely a lot to think about.

Mrs Alice, not much of a chance to be transferred closer to home unfortunately, we live at about 8,000 ft so they've actually said there's a chance we'd need to stay here even longer. The hospital at home will only take 36 weekers and up.

dandywarhol · July 2013

I completely understand what you are going through. My 23 weeker is now 6 weeks old. She is at a hospital that is about 1 1/2 hours from home. I am staying at the RMH that is about 3 blocks from the hospital. DH is a professor who has the summer off but he has been splitting his time between here and our house because we have 4 pets.

I was also on 4 weeks of hospital bed rest before I gave birth. I have not been home since May 7th! But I am ok with that. This NICU journey is so tumultuous that the thought of being 1 1/2 hours away from my daughter, esp. if something were to go wrong, is enough that I haven't wanted to leave. I am ok with that. A night or two at home would be nice but I don't think I could relax knowing that I am so far away. If you do not want to go home and be away from your LO it is ok. The nurses may be thinking of what would be good for you but you know yourself best. If you do not want to or can't go home at this point it is ok. You're his mama. It is natural for you to want to be near him.

I plan on going home for the 1st time on 7/23 for my post-partum appointment. I have arranged it so that my parents will be up here with my LO during the time I am back home.

Do not be afraid to trust your gut. Do what is best for your mental health. If you aren't ready to spend time apart at this point, it is ok.

direy25 · July 2013

Thanks again so much for the replies ladies. It's just nice to get opinions from people who have gone through this.

pamelamelanie924 · July 2013

We were about a 1 1/2 away and we stayed at the Ronald McDonald house for a couple weeks. We came home one time to get clothes and get things settled at home because I was in the hospital 10 days before I had her. It was nice to get to come home for the day even though I did feel guilty about leaving her there by herself.

pizzo84 · July 2013

My girls were 2.5 hrs away from home for about 3 weeks before we were transferred back to our home hospital. The staff suggested I go too, but I just couldn't. 3 weeks wasn't too terribly long to be away from home, but I may have considered it if our stay had been longer.

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