Am I Being Too Sensitive?
Gracious1014
member
Mobile Bumpers: "Am I Being Too Sensitive?"
My husband and I are so blessed that we have his parents and my mom living in the same town and they are willing to all pitch in and watch LO while I am at work three days a week. They go between watching her at our house and bringing her out to their house, which I am fine with. Recently there have been a couple of things with his parents that have irritated me and I'm not sure if I'm just being too sensitive or if my feelings are justified.
Last week as I was getting ready to leave for work, my MIL says that she's having some family members over to our house who want to meet our LO. I ask her who all is coming over and she proceeds to list 7 women, some of whom I don't even really know, who are coming over that afternoon. Yes, they're all family, but obviously not close family members if I've only met some of them once or twice in the 9 years that I have been with my husband. I have no problem with them meeting our LO, but I didn't like how it was being sprung on me the day of. I felt like my house was a little bit of a mess and not really ready for company. I work 12 hour shifts and my husband is working full time and getting his masters so there are days when things aren't how I would like them. It ended up being fine because all but two of them cancelled and the two who did come I'm comfortable with.
The second thing is the other day MIL asked me if either DH or I could bring LO out to their house in the morning of their day to watch her. I leave for work at 6:10 am and their house is 15 minutes in the wrong direction, so while I could I would rather not. DH doesn't have to be to work at any specific time unless he has a meeting so I told her I would ask him if he could drop LO off before going in. Come to find out, they're having one of their photographer friends out to their house that morning to do "family photos" with our LO and that's why they want her dropped off. So they're doing family photos without including DH and me. We don't even have professional photos done with the three of us yet since it's just not in the budget right now and I guess my feelings are just hurt that we're not being included and again my MIL wasn't really up front about what they were doing with LO.
What would you do if you were in this situation? I think I just need to talk to her about my feelings, but I don't want to come across as not appreciating the fact that they are watching our LO while I'm at work. Am I being too sensitive about all f this?
Re: Am I Being Too Sensitive?
Baby on Board - My Blog
I'm with cram. I'd be ticked about the photos. Seems like they could at least have mentioned it first out of courtesy. And likewise given you a warning so you could have cleaned your house for visitors. Both are things that would annoy me, but probably not something I would complain about to the in laws. In the grand scheme of things, neither is worth picking a fight over IMHO. But feel free to vent here!
The picture thing... that's super weird they didn't invite, ohhh, the FAMILY to this family photo shoot. Kinda inappropriate. I'd be like "no way Jose" but I'm a controlling lunatic sometimes.
Same with the photos, anything going on in my LOs life, I should know about it. No exceptions, even if she is paying for it. Next thing she'll be doing Christmas photos with Santa while you are at work...
Yeah, this.
I would personally be very upset about inviting people over to my house without consent. It's not her place to invite people to. I would probably be okay with her inviting people over to her own place to show off LO, but I would still want the heads up. Not just because it's common courtesy, but also because I would probably want to dress LO up in something extra cute that day...same for the photos. I also think it's weird they are doing "family photos" without inviting the family.
I was thinking that too, I'd probably give him a bath the night before and dress him up, if indeed I consented to the event or photos. BUT I don't like being TOLD about these things the day of, if you were given more notice at least then you would feel like you have some say in what is happening in your little ones life. Quite frankly I would not like LO around that many people without me there at this age, who knows what MIL will let slide.
I heard all kinds of stories on this board...Aunt with Hep putting finger in babies mouth, Smokers holding baby after they smoked, etc.... And just generally being over stimulated
I'd be annoyed by the visitors, and probably ask for a heads up the next time.
I'm torn on the photos. I'd be ticked she didn't tell me or run it by me first... but then again you admitted you can't afford professional photography so I'd be appreciative and excited about having professional photos IF they are doing some of just LO also.
I think she's overstepping.
1) Visitors. To me it is unacceptable to invite others over to someone else's house without them being present. And if that's what she wants to do, she asks prior to extending the invite. She doesn't get to inform you who is coming to your house when you aren't there.
2) Family photos. Totally unaccaeptable to hire a pro photographer and not have you included in the pictures. Great she wants to pay for something like that, but this is ultimately not her kid, and grandparent shots should not exist prior to parent shots. So no go there either.
I'm more irritated that she is making all these plans for your kid like he's hers and informing you of the plan after the plans have been made. It's disrespectful of your role as the parent. Point out to her that you haven't even had pics done of the three of you yet and if she wants to do pro pics, can she reschedule for a time when all of you can do them together.
TTC since May 2006. After 3 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed Injectibles/IUIs, 2 failed IVFs and 1 failed FET, we moved on to adoption!
Last ditch FET resulted in BFP, and identical twin girls!