Special Needs

ASD moms- how do you regulate screen time?

What is typical for a 5-6 year old and screen time? We have been too lax up to this point.. Part of it is just frustration that DS will not play with toys for any extended period, and rarely by himself. We've had Netflix on the Ipad for a couple years and he is really good with it- if we say "you can watch one cartoon" or "one movie"- he knows the difference and he'll obediently hand the Ipad over when it's done. This summer we've seen a dramatic shift in that he has lost interest in cartoons and will only play games when he gets Ipad time. This becomes a lot harder to regulate. Even when I set a visible timer, he'll get very upset because he's trying to beat a certain level and doesn't want to just hand it over. He is also fixating on the levels.. He obsesses about buying accessories, unlocking levels, and asking us about how to get more points (since he can't read he isn't very good at a lot of the games- although he surprises me all the time!) And unfortunately we're not talking about educational type games- he stopped liking those awhile ago. He likes all the water-themed games like Where's my Water and Sprinkler, and right now his bff is Clay Jam. We do have purchases disabled, so this is all my doing in downloading the games in the first place.

So two problems- first, how much screen time is okay, especially on the weekends? During the week we're just too busy for him to have more than maybe 60 minutes combined during the day. But weekends when DH and I are trying to get projects done, it seems like it has risen to more like 3-4 hours a day. And second- I'm guessing I should just delete the offending games, no? How can I explain this to him rationally- he is really going to throw a fit over the injustice of his game disappearing if I just go cold turkey, but it is really getting out of hand.

TIA!

Re: ASD moms- how do you regulate screen time?

  • DS has an ipad but he only gets it when we go grocery shopping (1-2 a week), waiting in the waiting rooms of all our appointments (1-2 a week) and when he successfully goes potty (we are potty training on the weekends) or he picks bubbles. The ABA has said to save the ipad for those things only. I have had DH download some games from time to time.

    We have netflix on the tv and I have been guilty of leaving a movie on to get laundry done on the weekends. DS doesn't really watch most of the time because he has interest in his toys so tv is pretty much background noise. I should just turn it off but I listen to the tv, too. DS is also in daycare so I am positive he misses his toys.

     

     

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  • Thanks for both advices- it is nice to have a gauge on where other parents are at.  It is really hard, because this is his only "decompression" when he is tired(which is often) and I don't have time to read to him. We bought K'nex and Legos recently and he will play with them awhile on his own, albeit begrudgingly- and usually at the bequest of me saying "Play with your legos for 15 minutes and I'll let you have the Ipad!"- or if I sit down with him he'll play for awhile. I think you're right auntie that he might ramp up his interest in these other toys if we pull the plug on the Ipad. DH would laugh in my face if I said we have to pull it cold turkey, so there's that issue too. DH has been advocating we delete the games and just encourage him to watch TV- which seems so twisted that we should "encourage" TV- yuck. So it'll take massive cajoling on my part to convince DH.

    The suggestion of book on tape is awesome- he loves books, but wants me to read to him, not just look through them. To this end, the books on the Ipad have been  popular when I'm not around.. but I think a swap out could occur.

    He is in daycare full time so I really can't complain- seeing as I am only around him evenings and weekends. Weekends are hard because we do a lot of fun stuff, but the in between things (making meals, cleaning up, socializing with adults, etc) are miserable because he just whines and complains until we give him the Ipad.

    He doesn't know his diagnosis, although we've been trying to talk about strengths and weaknesses, and I've asked him about friends and if he likes the other kids (he does not) and why he doesn't like the other kids, etc. He hasn't really given me any indication that he knows he is different but I hope to get him talking about it before we start kindy next month.

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  •   Well we techinaclly try to stick to an hour max (and there are plenty of days when we are too busy to pick an ipad up).  BUT we live next to Nana and Papa and I know my Mom likes to jus cuddle up on the bed with him and snuggle while he plays on the ipad for hours.  She downloaded clay jam and the two of them together have made many mountains and have many characters.  I did recwently tell her we are trying to cut down and I let her know if we are saving his ipad becasue we are going to dinner for example and want to be able to let him play at the restraunt so we prefer he doesn't play all morning with her.  BUT I try to stay out of my parent's relationship with him.  They have becasome wodnerfully supportive both of him and me but also of his treatment (they were having a hard time moving away from the river DeNILE and now they are paying for him to have an aide so he can go to a really great summer camp and my mom is taking a class on being a grandparent to a kiddo with asd (or something like that).  They are trying and they love him and they were good parents to me so I am trying to let them have their own relationship with him- anyhow since that isn't what you asked I will try to get back on track. 

      I only download games that I think have merit- so he has ones that teach you to read, play chess, languages, some autism skill realted games- like where you have to look in the guys eyes to earn coal for your train, spatial thinking, science etc.  Nana has downloaded games that aren't exactly learning games but I wouldn't call them offensive either- clay jam, rock runners, and others- one trick is to turn them on in a differnt language so he has to play them in Spanish- LOL.  I'm so mean.

      Otherwise I just figure he is learning other things like hand eye coordination or about winning and losing or that at least he is having fun with his Nana and they are bonding together- plus those hours he spends on the ipad at her house are hours that he isn't squishing his brother or pushing me past my last bit of patience.  Our situation is a little different in that we don't have trouble getting him to play with other stuff so he will actually turn down ipad in favor of legos or digging in the dirt, or whatever (sometimes).   What bad things might happen if you set a time limit of x hours per a day and then stuck to it but didn't otherwise worry about it?  As long as the games aren't actually "bad" games of course.  I know we worry about him getting that cracked out look that anyone (me included) gets after too much time at a screen.  And please don't think I am suggesting that I am happy with how much he watches- the other day he woke up at like 5.30 and I had been up all night with his little brother so I shoved the ipad in his hand and told him to shut off the volume so he could play in bed next to me while I slept....till 8.30.  that was 3 hours of ipad and I don't care- even if I am sort of embarrassed to admit it.

    ok sorry for the lack of editing but that is what you get : )

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      Well we techinaclly try to stick to an hour max (and there are plenty of days when we are too busy to pick an ipad up).  BUT we live next to Nana and Papa and I know my Mom likes to jus cuddle up on the bed with him and snuggle while he plays on the ipad for hours.  She downloaded clay jam and the two of them together have made many mountains and have many characters.  I did recwently tell her we are trying to cut down and I let her know if we are saving his ipad becasue we are going to dinner for example and want to be able to let him play at the restraunt so we prefer he doesn't play all morning with her.  BUT I try to stay out of my parent's relationship with him.  They have becasome wodnerfully supportive both of him and me but also of his treatment (they were having a hard time moving away from the river DeNILE and now they are paying for him to have an aide so he can go to a really great summer camp and my mom is taking a class on being a grandparent to a kiddo with asd (or something like that).  They are trying and they love him and they were good parents to me so I am trying to let them have their own relationship with him- anyhow since that isn't what you asked I will try to get back on track. 

      I only download games that I think have merit- so he has ones that teach you to read, play chess, languages, some autism skill realted games- like where you have to look in the guys eyes to earn coal for your train, spatial thinking, science etc.  Nana has downloaded games that aren't exactly learning games but I wouldn't call them offensive either- clay jam, rock runners, and others- one trick is to turn them on in a differnt language so he has to play them in Spanish- LOL.  I'm so mean.

      Otherwise I just figure he is learning other things like hand eye coordination or about winning and losing or that at least he is having fun with his Nana and they are bonding together- plus those hours he spends on the ipad at her house are hours that he isn't squishing his brother or pushing me past my last bit of patience.  Our situation is a little different in that we don't have trouble getting him to play with other stuff so he will actually turn down ipad in favor of legos or digging in the dirt, or whatever (sometimes).   What bad things might happen if you set a time limit of x hours per a day and then stuck to it but didn't otherwise worry about it?  As long as the games aren't actually "bad" games of course.  I know we worry about him getting that cracked out look that anyone (me included) gets after too much time at a screen.  And please don't think I am suggesting that I am happy with how much he watches- the other day he woke up at like 5.30 and I had been up all night with his little brother so I shoved the ipad in his hand and told him to shut off the volume so he could play in bed next to me while I slept....till 8.30.  that was 3 hours of ipad and I don't care- even if I am sort of embarrassed to admit it.

    ok sorry for the lack of editing but that is what you get : )

    Amen, is all I have to say. I think I was having a bad case of the mommy guilt, which can be good to get back on track, for sure. DS ends up playing a lot of Ipad during times when we're busy (hello, we're refinishing our hardwood floors- ugh). So by Monday morning I start tallying up his time spent playing it over the weekend and get all woozy. Monday was much better- I put a firm 30 minute limit on it and we ended up reading ebooks on it the whole time- no games! All things in balance is my motto going forward.

  • When play gets too scripted, or she starts repeating phrases a lot, I cut back. I also warn her that if she scripts from a movie, we can't watch it. She's getting a lot more self-aware about that, to the point where she'll say, "I haven't been using any Rescuers Down Under words, can we watch that?" Sometimes a favorite still gets denied even if she hasn't been scripting from it lately, and we watch something entirely new if we watch anything. 

    We don't do a whole lot -- maybe 30-60 minutes in the morning, maybe not; maybe a movie or 30-60 minutes in the afternoon. Maybe before bedtime. I try to only do one, or a max of two, out of those three potential time periods any given day, and on a busy day like we've had lately, they might not watch any at all. We watch on-demand or via Netflix so that the TV doesn't just go on and on, and I rarely have the TV on at all unless we're actively watching something. 

    I prefer Netflix because they have so many episodes that I don't have to repeat. That's helps cut down the echolalia as well. 

    I do find that the "cultural" commonalities are important enough to keep it to some extent. DD1 loves to play My Little Pony and pretend to be the different characters; I've seen that help her play with girls who also like the show. Same with Angry Birds and Where's My Water, where she might see a character on some kid's shirt and say, "Hey, I like your shirt!" and use it as an "in." Music is similar, I try to actively seek out new music on Pandora or iTunes or from movie soundtracks so that my kids aren't just listening to my 1990s favorites and they have that common ground with others. DH puts Pandora on during the weekends while we do chores, and DD1 loves to give thumbs-up or thumbs-down to the songs. 


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    DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
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    I prefer Netflix because they have so many episodes that I don't have to repeat. That's helps cut down the echolalia as well. 

    I do find that the "cultural" commonalities are important enough to keep it to some extent. DD1 loves to play My Little Pony and pretend to be the different characters; I've seen that help her play with girls who also like the show. Same with Angry Birds and Where's My Water, where she might see a character on some kid's shirt and say, "Hey, I like your shirt!" and use it as an "in." Music is similar, I try to actively seek out new music on Pandora or iTunes or from movie soundtracks so that my kids aren't just listening to my 1990s favorites and they have that common ground with others. DH puts Pandora on during the weekends while we do chores, and DD1 loves to give thumbs-up or thumbs-down to the songs. 


    This is part of why I'm down with a little Ipad time as well- I was beyond thrilled when DS picked out an Angry Birds lunch box for next year! Better than him asking for a lunchbox with fountains or garden sprinklers on it.

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