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Anyone have PTSD from previous cycles?

dmhrn13dmhrn13 member
in Success after IF

So you can see my history below. I feel so super blessed everyday to have DD. DH & I are gearing up to start a FET. (I start pills with my next period which is any day). I didn't realize how traumatized I am from going through infertility until now. I literally feel sick just thinking about it. We've thought long & hard & now is the time (I do not want to wait or think it would help). Any advice or just understand where I am coming from? Maybe PMS is playing into it, lol  (didn't miss that!).

TTC since 1/2008
BFP 7/2009 m/c
BFP 9/2009 m/c
Clomid IUI 12/2010, 1/2011, 2/2011 All BFN
IVF #1 6/2011 BFN, no frosties
IVF #2 2/2012 BFP
DD born 10/2012
FET 9/3/2013 BFN, no more frosties
IVF # 3 11/3/13 Canceled after retrieval d/t severe OHSS, 3 frosties
FET #3 2/2014 BFP Twins!
B/G Twins born 9/2014 at 36w4d

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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Re: Anyone have PTSD from previous cycles?

  • Mrs.AmyDylanMrs.AmyDylan member
    Haha...probably. Kidding aside, I don't have your loss history. However, I still feel very raw from the IF experience. I dread getting back on the treatment merry-go-round. Good luck to you!
    TTC Since 3/2010
    Me-36, Unexplained Infertility, DH-35, all clear
    Clomid 50mg 12/2011 = BFN
    Clomid 100mg 1/2012 = BFN, with Cyst
    IVF #1 Lupron/Menopur/Gonal-f/HCG Trigger
    ER 4/19/12 = 11 retrieved, 6 fertilized,
    ET 4/22/12 = 2 transfered (day 3), remaining 3 weren't good enough to freeze
    Beta 5/3 = BFP, 87 Beta #2 5/7 560.9 Beta #3 5/9 1376.5 First u/s One Baby, 125bpm!
    Second u/s, 176bmp! Kicked over to the OB by the RE at 8w. Team Green!! 
    Baby girl J arrived two weeks early! Born into water, med-free. Hooray for Team Pink!

    TTC #2 - back to the RE, treatment started 12/2014. 

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  • imoveritimoverit member
    Yes I have. It really is not an easy thing to go through. Its an up and down rollercoaster with your emotions and hormones. I just keep moving forward because that is all I can do. Plus I see a therapist. :p
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  • Dragonfly1226Dragonfly1226 member
    I felt exactly the same way when we started to TTC #2. It took no time at all for all my old IF feelings to come flooding back. This time though I knew from experience just what it was that we would gain with success or lose with failure. I tried to keep telling myself that the only way we could fail for sure would be not even trying. Wishing you the best of luck with your FET!
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    Unexplained Infertility

    After two Clomid cycles, three injectable IUI cycles, two IVFs, two miscarriages, and one lap surgery, IVF #2 has brought us our little boy!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    TTC #2
    After months of being postponed or cancelled, FET #1.3 (Natural FET) brought us twin girls!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    Surprise! Baby #4 is due in March!
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  • TJ1979TJ1979 member
    imageDragonfly1226:
    I felt exactly the same way when we started to TTC 2. It took no time at all for all my old IF feelings to come flooding back. This time though I knew from experience just what it was that we would gain with success or lose with failure. I tried to keep telling myself that the only way we could fail for sure would be not even trying. Wishing you the best of luck with your FET!


    Well said Dragonfly! GL with your upcoming FET and I hope it's not too rough on you.
    TTC with PCOS since November 2009
    IUI#1 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP, m/c
    IUI#2 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 5-9) = BFN
    IUI#3 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP!
    beta #1 11/23 = 270, P4 = 75
    beta #2 11/28 = 2055
    Our daughter E was born 7/29/2012!
    Surprise, our 2nd daughter P was born 5/22/14!
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  • mdiblasi10mdiblasi10 member
    I haven't started treatments for #2 yet, but I have some idea of those feelings as we get ready to head back to the RE. Good luck on your FET!
    Dx: Unexplained Infertility

    TTC #1 
    IUI's #1 - #3 Clomid = BFN's, IUI #4 Follistim = BFP
    Grayson arrived via emergency c-section on 7/28/12!

    TTC #2 
    IUI's #1 - #4 Follistim = BFN's
    IVF #1 w/ ICSI + PGS: Lupron/Follistim/Menopur
    ER 4/13 - 19R, 13F, 4 PGS tested embryos, 1 normal
    5/14 FET: BFP. Beta #1: 123, Beta #2: 327, Beta #3: 854
    Cora arrived 1/23/15 via RCS!
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  • IBackBevoIBackBevo member

    I have more PTSD from my pregnancy (severe pre-e, LO developed IUGR, multiple hospitalizations, bedrest...ultimately cumulated in C-section when LO's started having heart rate decels) than IF...so I somewhat understand where you are coming from. I did get some of the same feelings when I had testing and more RE appointments after number 1...and, of course, the disappointment when tests came back even worse.  I think I have avoided getting back on the treatment train for this reason exactly.

    IF DX: DOR & Fragile X pre-mutation carrier
    2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
    BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
    Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
    BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014

    May 2014 January Siggy Challenge:
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  • Ruthie04Ruthie04 member
    So traumatized. It's actually been nice to be benched from TTC due to my c/s. I feel like I get a mandatory pass from all of those emotions. But, as we approach the year mark, I feel those feelings creeping in. The thought of IVF, failed cycles, med side effects, monitoring appointments, another loss,...it's so overwhelming.

    I'm also in the camp with ibackbevo. I'm so scared of developing placenta previa, irritable uterus, and IUGR again. Add in the vomiting that continued until delivery day, bed rest, and a c-section and I just don't feel like I can do it again and I don't know how I'd manage with my boys. It's all just so scary and unknown.

    Best of luck with your FET! You are not alone!
    TTC in 2009, Dx: Unexplained IF
    Three TI cycles (BFP...miscarriage), five IUI attempts and 2.5 IVF cycles later...BFP!!
    12dp5dt: 765; 15dp5dt: 1979; 17dp5dt: 3379...TWINS!!!!!
    Our perfect baby boys were born at 36w1d!! 








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  • itsmevkbitsmevkb member

    I always just kept pushing forward and moving towards my goal.  I had lots of failed cycles and two losses and the only way for me to get through them was to focus on the end game, which was to have a healthy baby so I tried to keep my thoughts on that and not on everything that had come before.  I know, easier said than done, and I certainly wasn't the best at it, and I'm still not, but when I found myself beginning to wallow or starting to get super anxious I would consciously tell myself to refocus as using my energy on anything other than moving forward was a waste.

    I hope things go really well with your FET.  Just take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time.

    Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12

    Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck.  Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.

    This Cluttered Life

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