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October 2012 Moms
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DH and I totally off

Mrs.RockyMMrs.RockyM member
in October 2012 Moms

I've realized lately that DH and I are totally off, and really it's been since having DD2.  We're constantly arguing, he's always frustrated with me, I'm always frustrated with him, I just feel like we aren't communicating and I don't want to be like this - for me, or for DD1 (and DD2).

He refuses to use a babysitter (our daycare provider has told us she babysits and would love to watch the girls) and I really feel like we're in a major slump.  Add to that I'm kind of depressed and don't feel like myself and I'm stress eating like crap and look like crap lately too, so we rarely have any "adult time" anymore - I'm just really worried.  I miss us! 

We both come home from work and there's just so much to do for the girls and cleaning up everything and I just don't have the energy to do much of anything, so we watch TV and he plays on the computer and I feel like we aren't talking - and our communication has really sucked lately.

Any suggestions? 

 

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Re: DH and I totally off

  • lady dixneuflady dixneuf member
    you need to work on you even if he's not going along with it. If this means getting a sitter just for you to get some rest, get your hair done, whatever you want to do, then so be it...


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  • GraysMama104GraysMama104 member

    imagelady dixneuf:
    you need to work on you even if he's not going along with it. If this means getting a sitter just for you to get some rest, get your hair done, whatever you want to do, then so be it...

    This.  You need some guilt-free "me" time.  And if you can work in some time for you and your husband to have alone time or a night out or maybe even a night away (even if you just get a hotel nearby for a night alone), I think that will help 

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  • bingqilin00bingqilin00 member
    All the previous suggestions are great! You could also try changing your disposition around him and the family. Even though you're tired, you could try being a little playful with him in passing even while cleaning up or doing chores. Before he gets on his computer maybe try to spark a topic of conversation you know he finds interesting just to get the talking started again. Try to be a little spunky (genuinely though, not so it comes across as fake) and see if you guys can re-connect or have a laugh.Or, if he is already engrossed in his computer, still, try getting as cute as you feel comfortable with and have a ball with your kids! He will probably notice what a cool and confident mom you're being and may even want to join in on the fun.
    TTC #1 since 4/2011. Cycle 1 = BFN. Cycle 2 = BFN. Cycle 3 = BFP 6/28. CP 7/2. Cycle 4 = TTA. Cycle 5 = BFN. Started progesterone. Cycle 6 = Disaster. Cycle 7 = Progesterone. BFN Cycle 8 = BFN. Cycle 9 = BFN. Cycle 10 = BFP 1/1/12. C/P 1/8/12. Cycle 11 = BFP 2/3. Stick! Due 10/15/12. Baby girl arrived via c-section on 10/10/12 after 20 hours of labor. Welcome my love!
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  • Mrs.G123Mrs.G123 member
    Why doesn't he want a babysitter??? H and I get lunch more than we get dinner. Our kids are close to the age your are. It is definitely tough. Make sure you have time for yourself!!!
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  • kegger21kegger21 member
    Start working out. I know that sounds like the last thing you need but really it will give you more energy and it will make you feel better about yourself. Why doesn't he want to use a babysitter? You may just have to make the best of what you can for now. Put the kids to bed and then have date night in with your H. Have a good dinner, dessert, snuggle on the couch with a movie, then have sex ;) 
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  • Mrs_LadyMrs_Lady member

    imagelady dixneuf:
    you need to work on you even if he's not going along with it. If this means getting a sitter just for you to get some rest, get your hair done, whatever you want to do, then so be it...

     yes work on you first and i hope things turn around soon for you guys!

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  • opaque1997opaque1997 member

    Been there - done that - though I'm the one that was resistant to getting a sitter - we do it at least once a month but sometimes we need to connect more often then that.  Not sure if this will work fo ryou but we found a way to "date" at home.

    We just had a new deck put on - its really nice and the evenings have been really comfortable - so we take a glass of wine (or sometimes we make smores- but this could be anything) and the baby monitor and take 30 minutes.  THe glory of it is - no computer or tv is outside - so we kind of have to talk :)  Or just be with each other (sometimes thats nice too)

    I also find if my hubby isn't getting sleep - its a major issue - more so then if I'm not.  Sad but true- so I let him sleep in on Saturdays (most of the time he lets me sleep in on Sunday)

    Another great idea is if you all can swing a day off together - kids are already at daycare so...  

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