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Late Term and Child Loss
Pregnant Friends
It'll be a month on Wednesday that my Lily was stillborn. Every Wednesday is a hard day for me, it's like all the memories of that day come rushing back. It's been so bad that I've considered taking Wednesdays off for awhile. On top of all this, I've had 3 friends tell me in the last week that they are pregnant. Please don't get me wrong, I'm very happy for them, but it's also so difficult at the same time. I so desperately want to be pregnant again, but still have to wait a few months to begin trying again. I'm also terrified I'll either have a miscarriage or another stillbirth, I really don't know how I'd survive that. I've also noticed that I'm so worried about my pregnant friends their babies, like they'll be snatched away like Lily was. I'm even worried about Princess Kate, and I've never even met Princess Kate!! I'm beginning to wonder if I'm suffering from a form of PTSD, I get so upset so easily, panic attacks, etc. I just hope everything goes right for my friends, I can't stop worrying. :
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Re: Pregnant Friends
My Blog
BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013
Please be our rainbow!!
**All AL Welcome**
***Siggy warning***
All of what you are experiencing is very normal. Do you have a counselor or trusted mentor that you can express some of this to? They con sometimes help with resources to help you cope with the stress and worry.
It takes a lot of time to process what we have been through. It is something we will deal with the remainder of our lives, though the day to day may become a little easier as we find out new normal. We delivered on a Saturday, and it was 6 months before I drifted out of counting the weeks/months since we had lost our daughter. That does not mean I do not still think about her every day. I do.
When you are ready to try again to expand your family, it is a very personal decision which can only be right for you. Everyone's timing is different. It is said that when your desire for another baby outweighs the fear of loss, then you are ready. I had a very good friend who was my trusted loss mentor.
She had lost her daughter 7 years before. Her daughter was not expected to live to birth, yet she carried her anyway. One of the questions she asked me was: "If you knew you would lose her in the end, would you still have carried her?" Even though my daughter had a cord accident and nothing else was wrong, my answer was yes. I would still have wanted those nine months with her. This answer is very different for everyone, but it helped me when we decided to try again. I would take that baby for any amount of time was given to me, even though we know all to well the tragedy of loss.
I had 4 friends all due the exact same month as I was. Three more in the following months. I delivered first. I was terrified for them, like panic attacks when I saw facebook posts (especially when they hit 36 weeks.) It is normal to be happy for them, while still grieving your own loss. And yes, their success is a reminder of your loss. I too have worried about Princess Kate, and have literally prayed that all will go well for her.
What you are going through is very normal. Please do not feel like it is not. However, if you feel like you are not able to deal with it on your own, please seek out help. This is not an easy journey to travel alone, and sometimes we need more assistance than others.
Sorry for the book. :-)
It hurts so badly to hear other people's pregnancy announcements. I think since April I have seen 5 on FB. I cringe, too. At the very least I hope my story will provide awareness that not every pregnancy ends up in a take home baby.
Hang in there. Hugs to you!!!
Ava's Story
BFP#2 10/18/13 Blighted ovum 11/25/13
BFP #3 1/31/14 EDD 10/18/14 -- It's a GIRL!
I discovered I was pregnant on July 2nd after a friend announced (at work) that she is expecting, she was only a week ahead of me. On July 4th I miscarried and forgot to turn off text and email updates from this website along with another. Getting the 5 weeks pregnant reminder the following Tuesday was horrible, especially since I was at work and my friend was nearby. Another friend announced she's expecting last week on FaceBook and I broke down. Nearly all of my friends are pregnant or have children and with this being my first pregnancy it's all very, very difficult. I find myself being happy for them and then mad at them. I get jealous, annoyed, frustrated, etc. and then I feel horrible for feeling that way. I do want the best for everyone and for everyone to have healthy pregnancies and babies, but sometimes they can be so cruel... most of the time acting as though I was never pregnant at all and that is what hurts the most. My pregnancy was not planned at all and a big surprise for my boyfriend and I. We have been together for a little over three years and I had accepted the fact that he doesn't want children and that the doctors told me I probably wouldn't be able to conceive anyway because of ovarian cysts, but now that has changed. I find myself wanting a child more than ever and my boyfriend even seemed to be warming up to the idea after I told him on the 2nd. Now I just don't know what to think as this has made be question so much in my life.
I wish you all the best in the world during this very difficult time. Just know that what you're feeling is something that is to be expected after experiencing what you've been through and you're not alone by any means.