Ok, I posted about a month ago asking to join the facebook page and I got no reply which was disappointing, but I figure it was because I didn't write enough information in my request and I didn't have any past postings. (I actually DID have posts in the past when I was on here in 2011 but I deleted them when we decided to look into adoption in 2011.) So, in the hopes that that was the case here is a load of background and a plea. Please, may I join the facebook page?
DH and I were married in 2003. We decided to ttc in September of 2006. I dropped out of an elementary education program so that we could have a family because we planned for me to stay home with the kids so there was no point in going to school and going way into debt for a degree I wasn't going to use. I was 26.
Obviously years passed and we never got pregnant. In 2007 just a few months before the year mark I had a bad accident and almost lost my arm so then we had medical bills. We didn't get those medical bills paid off until 2009 and still had not even had a BFP... I was diagnosed with stage I endo in the summer of 2009, had clear tubes and embarked on monitored clomid cycles. We had three textbook cycles all BFN. We went to an RE who pushed IVF within the first two minutes of the meeting. We are not open to IVF for religious and financial reasons. He was unwilling to really discuss doing IUI because he said it would be a waste of time. At that point we decided to go the "Natural" route. We did acupuncture and NaPro technology to no avail. In 2010 I thought I was here for good, but then in 2011 we decided to go toward adoption. After a year of back and forth between my husband and I we decided that we were not well suited to the needs of an adopted child and that road came to a close.
Last year in December we decided to make a last ditch effort and find a doctor who would do IUI... we just wanted to do IUI with clomid or femera so that we could say we had tried everything we were willing (and could afford) to do. We mad an apt and waited four months to get in. When we met with this doctor she also said that based on my test results and age (perfect blood work, open tubes, slight endo, now 34) she would want to go straight to IVF. When we told her that we weren't open to that she said she would be willing to do IUI with injectable drugs (which we couldn't afford) but that with our almost seven year history of trying without ANY success she would give us about a 25% chance of a pregnancy out of three. THAT IS A 75 PERCENT CHANCE THAT IT WOULDN'T WORK! That was March 22 and after a few weeks we decided that we couldn't do this anymore and we had to let the dream go. This is how I got here...
Now this is where I am. I am a 34 year old infertile DAYCARE LADY. Two years ago I was laid off from the best job I've ever had. That job was the love of my life and got me through some really tough times. It was a preschool and it closed and it left me devastated and badly in need of money. Having always planed to stay home with our kids we made sure to choose a house that would easily allow me to have a daycare in an entirely separate part of our house, so for the last year and a half I have been doing daycare. It's been ok because I love kids and need money, but in the last six months I have gotten and lost a chance at my dream job, been lapped for the FOURTH time by my best friend (and she told me she was pg like an hour after she took the test) then my husband was passed over for a job that would have been awesome for him... then we get told our only legit chance for partenthood is IVF... so now we're finally dealing with the death of our "dream" family (even though it reasonably died years ago) and I'm stuck in my basement 55 hours a week taking care of an adorable newborn... a three year old... and a six year old... which were the ages we HOPED our children would be now. I am in hell and I can't complain to anyone in this tiny town because nobody wants to send their kid to a daycare lady that is "crazy" which I'm sure they would assume I am. I need to talk to someone who understands what a horrible situation I've gotten myself into...
I'm 34. I'm an infertile daycare lady. I have no education and though I do have some marketable skills, jobs are few and far between here. Now I have to create this whole new life and when I've tried to explain that I'm grieving a death to my "friends" they treat me like I'm nuts. (Actually, I have one friend who has been great, but she is a mom so she still doesn't "get it"
Please, can I join the facebook group?