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curisoity

Proud adoptive mom 6.11.09Proud adoptive mom 6.11.09
in Adoption
I am curious when doing  DIA. where is the first place we should start. Our map classes are still good from when we adopted our son. Also if by chance you are chosen by a birth mom and at last minute she changes her mind do you just bite the bullet with all the fees paid and they have to pay them all over again when another possible mom chooses you?
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Re: curisoity

  • maryoosamaryoosa member

    If you are seeking to do a private adoption, my sense is that the best place to start is to identify agencies that you are willing to work with and that have fee structures you are confident about. There are considerations here about whether the agency is large or small, local, national, religiously affiliated or independent.

    Most agencies will require a homestudy (done by them or an associate of them), they will require updates on all your clearances if those are expired, and they will require some sort of agency-approved courses--- my agency offers "free" homestudy classes, other agencies charge people to attend these etc...

     The agency I'm working with has a fee structure where you pay in piecemeal until a match- 

     so- Registration -1 fee, Homestudy -1 fee, Entry into DIA program- 1 fee,- Then you are in the waiting pool. Once there, you pay another fee at the time of your match- so, when you sign "matching" paperwork they ask that you pay deposits on all their fees (placement, admin, legal, etc), plus expectant parent expenses in total. At or very close to placement you pay the rest of your fees (placement, admin, legal etc) plus you pay for your own lawyer. And in our case, we have paid for our emom to have a doula as well. 

    If the emom, in our agency, changes her mind at all after the matching process- we loose any eparent expenses that have been paid out and any fees for "work carried out" - usually between $1000-5000 (in the case of my agency) and whatever your eparent expenses were.  Anything that wasn't already spent can be applied to a future match, from what I understand.

    I think you'll find it differs, largely, from agency to agency.  Good luck.

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  • bumpuser794640bumpuser794640 member
    Yes, it really depends on the agency. We don't lose any money if we have a failed match, which was a major plus when we were researching agencies.
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  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member

    The first place to start is to decide how you want to do DIA. Law firm, facilitator, agency, DIY. Then research your options

    With our agency, fees were held in escrow during a match. If it fell through, they stayed in escrow while you went back into the waiting pool, and were rolled into the next marc. Whatever option you choose, be sure to ask upfront how they handle it

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  • Weadoptx3Weadoptx3

    If you can do it without an Agency, that's how I would go.  I know there are quite a few states that require Adoption be facilitated that way.  We are in WA, so we used an adoption attorney and ParentProfiles for advertising.  It was GREAT and the most expensive of our 3 adoptions cost $12K which included living expenses for the BM.  Our other two adoptions were $6K and $8K total as the Bm refused any financial help.

    I really feel sorry for anyone that is forced to use an agency or facilitator - and some of those costs are astronomical!  It is unfair and should be illegal.   When I look at fees for a CC girl = $30K, but a AA girl = $18K, all I see is someone selling a baby -- and that is against the law - but they hide behind their business license of being an Agency.

    Sorry, I pulled out my soapbox....Anyway, if you don't have to use an agency, I wouldn't.  I truly hope you have that option!  :)

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  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member
    imageWeadoptx3:

    I really feel sorry for anyone that is forced to use an agency or facilitator - and some of those costs are astronomical!  It is unfair and should be illegal.   When I look at fees for a CC girl = $30K, but a AA girl = $18K, all I see is someone selling a baby -- and that is against the law -

    I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you here.

    Not all agencies have astronomical fees

    Not all agencies have different tracks based on race

    Ethical agencies don't buy or sell people

    Our agency experience was fantastic, and the agency provides ongoing support to all members of the triad. Our SWs worked their butts off. Agencies aren't for everyone, but I think it's really unfair to make a blanket statement about them, especially to someone still pursuing their options.

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  • bumpuser794640bumpuser794640 member
    imageDr.Loretta:
    imageWeadoptx3:

    I really feel sorry for anyone that is forced to use an agency or facilitator - and some of those costs are astronomical!  It is unfair and should be illegal.   When I look at fees for a CC girl = $30K, but a AA girl = $18K, all I see is someone selling a baby -- and that is against the law -

    I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you here.

    Not all agencies have astronomical fees

    Not all agencies have different tracks based on race

    Ethical agencies don't buy or sell people

    Our agency experience was fantastic, and the agency provides ongoing support to all members of the triad. Our SWs worked their butts off. Agencies aren't for everyone, but I think it's really unfair to make a blanket statement about them, especially to someone still pursuing their options.



    Thank you for posting, Dr. L. I feel the same way, but I was so irritated after reading this reply that I couldn't make a polite response.
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