Overreacting?

JessAnnJ · July 2013

My IL's watched LO so we could got to lunch and an early movie yesterday. I am very thankful for this. However, when we picked her up MIL was telling me that LO liked her zucchini. Then FIL threw in that she also likes praline topping. MIL said "well I wasn't going to say anything about that." I said she liked what. They said again praline topping. I said with nuts? They said no nuts just the topping. At that point I think I was so relieved that they didn't give her nuts that I didn't say anything else. DH didn't say anything at all. So between the fact that they gave my not yet seven month old candy topping and my MIL's comment that she wasn't going to mention it I really don't trust them to watch her at the moment. Let me add that LO only started solids at six months and we do not give her random things like candy topping to taste. In addition she was very sick last weekend and has still been having tons of poopy diapers so she especially did not need random things going through her digestive system even if it was just a small taste. I'm mad that they gave her the candy topping. I'm also annoyed with DH for not saying anything. His response was I didn't think it was bad enough to be confrontational about it. We had also found out a awhile ago that MIL was giving her water from her cup before we were giving LO water. We found out the same way, during a conversation after the fact. DHs response to this was the same. Ugh.

LaceFace14 · July 2013

Does she know not to? Did he say anything about the water? It's pretty standard old school that they give babies tastes of everything. I'd insist that your DH say something but try to keep it casual. "I know you're just being grandparents but right now it's really important that she not have food aside from what we leave for her. She still has a sensitive digestive system and we need to make sure we are aware if everything going in to watch for potential allergies. We really appreciate you watching her for us and we're glad she gets to spend that time with you and there will be plenty of time for the occasional treat when she's older." Something like that. If they seem receptive then there's no reason not to let them watch her anymore. Of course if they are all "oh hell no" then you can consider them not a babysitting option.

JessAnnJ · July 2013

LaceFace14:
Does she know not to? Did he say anything about the water? It's pretty standard old school that they give babies tastes of everything. I'd insist that your DH say something but try to keep it casual. "I know you're just being grandparents but right now it's really important that she not have food aside from what we leave for her. She still has a sensitive digestive system and we need to make sure we are aware if everything going in to watch for potential allergies. We really appreciate you watching her for us and we're glad she gets to spend that time with you and there will be plenty of time for the occasional treat when she's older." Something like that. If they seem receptive then there's no reason not to let them watch her anymore. Of course if they are all "oh hell no" then you can consider them not a babysitting option.

Thanks. That is a good way of putting it. MIL comment of I wasn't going to mentioned that makes me think that she knows we would not want her having it, but I don't know if we have been explicit in not letting her taste thing. I guess I assumed they would know our role is to introduce foods to her. We gave them the zucchini to feed her so they would feel included. DH definitely needs to say something, I just hope this doesn't cause multiple arguments between us.

EPQueen · July 2013

Honestly yes I think you might be overreacting a little. Annoying, yes. But in my opinion it isn't a big enough deal to get upset over or to not let them watch LO anymore. Like PP said, that is pretty standard with older generations to let baby taste things. We all turned out okay didn't we?? Just be very clear next time they watch LO about exactly what your baby can and cannot ingest if you are really worried about it.

Jackiemxoxo · July 2013

I'd probably react the same way honestly and I think part of it is being a FTM. I would find it annoying how MIL said that she wasn't going to say anything because it makes you wonder what else they are doing. It's probably harmless but it is still your kid so it is hard not to worry. I think this can happen with anyone watching your kid though and unless you tell them not to do something then they are going to think its ok. I think I would say something about LO having a sensitive stomach so you are trying to introduce things slowly or something non confrontational but confrontational enough that they get the point. My LO has a dairy sensitivity and I am alway weary about my parents trying to sneak giving her ice cream or something dumb.

JessAnnJ · July 2013

Thanks everyone. I definitely agree that I shouldn't never let them watch her again. I guess it was more of a not until my DH deals with this. They pick her up once a week from daycare around lunch time to spend time with her and I appreciate that, I just feel like they need to calm down with the food issue. We explained that we were waiting until six months but they still kept asking when we were going to give her food and making comments suggesting she was ready. Now at every meal with them they are trying to suggest things to give to her and we have explained multiple times that we tried the BLW approach and LO has a very sensitive gag reflex and she is not ready for anything other then purees right now. So I guess that's why I find this so annoying. To me it should be clear to them that we don't want her tasting random things. But, now is definitely time for DH to confirm their understanding.

SingleMom31 · July 2013

I think that my opinion might be a little different since our LO is at daycare all day, but they've suggested that she's probably ready for more food, etc. and have been spot on every time. Yes, I know our LO the best, but they know kids in general better. Plus, I think my tendency is to be overly cautious, and sometimes there isn't that need for extreme caution. Like, I hadn't thought she was ready for Cheerios, but they told me that she had stolen the next kid's cereal and really liked them. I'm glad to know that bc it's nice to give her a few while we're eating them for breakfast. Win for all of us.

lawjjg522 · July 2013

I think you may be over reacting in the sense of a tiny taste(unless she got nuts, then react away) as PP have said, its just the way they do things. My mom is always putting a dot of something on fayes lip (Anything from ranch, to applesauce, ice cream[ for which my mother gets scolded.] etc.) If it was just a one time taste, no biggie i say.

With that being said... While I dont think its a big deal-- It is your baby. If it makes you uncomfortable then you do need to say something casually and not confrontational.

velazquezk1 · July 2013

Let me preface this with my Dad is a physician.

We started solids at 6 months. My mom and dad were watching my baby one night when she was about 5 months and 3 weeks. I had a 2 hour meeting and left them with plenty of milk. Anyway, she got overly tried and boycotted the bottle and my Mom freaked out, called my husband and she said she was going to buy baby food to calm her down. No one told me this happened. Fast forward 2 weeks later and I heard my mom and sister in their kitchen whispering. I happened to walk in and they had a jar of peaches and a baby spoon. My sister had my baby in her arms and was about to feed her and I flipped my you know what. 1st, I had made all her baby food. 2nd, peaches weren't even on the menu that week because we started veggies and were about to be on day 2 to test for reactions.

I called my husband in TEARS and that's when he told me what happened and how he ok'd it and blah blah blah.

Once I sat back and realized how irrational I was being I felt like an .

Long story short, they keep her all the time and it used to bother me when they would give her a swipe of the frosting from cake or a dab of ice cream but I figure a baby fingernail dot of something isn't going to hurt her and I trust their instincts.

I found my parents, especially my Mom, was super defensive and pulled the whole "I wasn't going to tell her that" line because of how uptight I was.

So I get your POV because I was in that same predicament. But, I also saw where I was overreacting and what they give her isn't arsenic and its not
Crack and she's not going to have withdrawals. A little bite of stuff here and there is fine. They know no nuts, honey or drinking milk.

Beth.1212 · July 2013

I'd be upset that they essentially gave her candy, but as long as DH explained the "food rules" and they could be trusted to follow them, then I'd quickly get over that aspect.

The attempted lying (by omission) would really, really upset me, though. I see that as a separate issue entirely. I place a lot of value on trust. I wouldn't make any grand statements or ultimatums to the grandparents, but I would have a quiet talk with DH about how I felt, and I don't think I'd be leaving LO with the grandparents anytime soon. If they were willing to do something with LO that they KNEW I wouldn't like and lie about it once, why wouldn't they do it again?

Cellis · July 2013

I would make it very clear what you think is ok to feed to your LO. I understand why you're so upset and I would be pretty mad too. We stick to a Paleo diet in our house and sugar is a big no no. So I would be upset if my MIL fed DS something that we think is bad and wouldn't give our child. Plus I am a FTM and kind of want to be a part of new experiences for DS. The lying thing would definitely bother me the most because how will you know what they do with your LO?

kerbear135 · July 2013

I would be upset too- but what would bother me is that she didn't plan to tell you what she'd fed LO- I would have a talk with DH first and let him know that you'd like to sit down and talk to his parents together- calmly explain to them that you need to know EVERYTHING LO eats, even if it's "just a taste", incase there is an allergic reaction. You can try explaining to them that you are trying to introduce one food at a time, but if they're anything like my inlaws, they're gonna do what they want to do anyway. I know it's hard to not overreact, but keep in mind, they raised DH so they're not completely clueless.

jaimevogt · July 2013

I had something similar. The water from a cup was given while LO was at my brother/ MOthers place, and they told me once. Wow he really likes watermelon!

I talked to them about the fruit thing (because my DH had horrible fruit allergies as a kid) but I let the water thing go. I just started giving LO water in a cup every once in a while too. I figured it was as much my fault because I don't think I told them about the fruit. I (maybe like you) just assumed they wouldn't be giving my baby any new foods. I didn't realize how much people love to be the "first" to give baby something.

I think things you really thing are dangerous are worth saying something about

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