Sort of a unique situation...

mhwood · July 2013

I jumped from one extreme to what is perceived to be another.

I got pregnant with my first child at 18, and here I am pregnant with my 2nd at 36.

I've gotten some crazy comments from people (mainly strangers) about "starting over", and "getting a new family"...which really gets on my nerves.

My family, my in-laws and my doctor have been wonderful. When I mention my anxiety of being an "older mom" to my doctor, she assured me that she has many, many patients over 35 who are pregnant with no complications and with their first child!

Well, I just thought I would "say" hello and ask if anyone else is dealing with these kind of insensitive comments...

aurora1974 · July 2013

I had my first daughter at 20 and was 37 when DD2 was born and yes I did get those comments. But I got them from my sister, who doesn't have children by choice, who was backed up by my mother. Bottom line, it's my life. I never said that I was done having children. I always knew I wanted another but I also didn't want to do it myself again and it happened to take me that long to find my husband. At the beginning it bothered me, but I sat back and realized that my life is my life and as long as I'm happy with it, I didn't care what anyone else thought. I wil say that for me, it works really well having 17 year difference between my girls. Yes I "started over". No, I did not get a "new" family. I expanded my family. DD1 adores her new sister and has been a phenomenal big sister so far even when she's been away at college.

Live your life and blow off what other people have to say. For some reason people feel like they have a right to tell you how to live your life and if the decisions you make are right for you or not, but you are really the only one that knows that. Congratulations to you!!!

gimmietimmies · July 2013

I get all sorts of inappropriate remarks, especially when I was unexpectedly expecting S. at this point IDGAF. Some people just don't have a filter and are socially inappropriate and I let them dig their own hole with their stupidity. I know I shouldn't get a little fist pump in my head when they realize they've just put their foot in it, but I do.

GHBEA · July 2013

I have a 22 and an 18 year old daughters, and a 2 yr old and 8 month old daughters. I started over but no one ever asked or made rude comments about it. I get more comments about having all girls.

Just ignore those who are being rude tell them "you are feeling very lucky to get to raise another child".

stever · July 2013

Hi!

Two things - The "new family" thing is really mean, IMO. It's like saying your first family/child were starters or something. Grrrr...

And being 36 just barely puts you in "older mom" territory. You'll be cool.

sucredee · July 2013

DH has 2 DDs who are now almost 20 and 22. Our DD just turned 3. His kids were pretty shocked when we told them we were pregnant but they love DD. they live back east but we usually see them about 6x a year (now probably a little less since they are both in college and have their own lives).

we have never had any negative comments, at least not that I know of. My 2 BFFs are also older with little kids so at least we are all in the same boat. I was 37 when I had DD and DH was 48. He has gotten quite a few gray hairs over the past few year so h would easily pass for a grandpa (especially where we live where young teenage pregnancy are a frequent occurrence ). He has probably has some comments but not a lot that I know of.

itsmevkb · July 2013

You know, everyone takes comments differently. I could take your reference to being an older mom as being insensitive. I would try not to take them so seriously and assume that the vasty majority of people are probably genuinely happy and excited for you, while perhaps at the same time a little curious about the age gap you will have between your children.

The vast majority of comments I get are ones asking if we are done having children and they are not asked in a way that suggest there should be any answer other than yes. "You're stopping at four, right????" "You're definitely not going to try for five, right?" etc. I totally get it though, having four or more kids definitely isn't for everyone and a bit of an oddity or curiousity for people so I just laugh it off and perhaps it's easier because although we will be trying for a fifth I'm doubtful that will happen so they don't even need to know that.

gladygirlca · July 2013

My MiL kept giving me her opinions on the lifespan of my fertility (short or shorter) which got to be old really quickly. I had my first son last year at just shy of 37 and will be having my second just shy of 38. I have some complications, but I'd likely have had the same issues at 28, so whatever. Most of the people in my peer group didn't start having kids until after 35, and I know a couple who had kids over 41!

Let the jibber-jabber slide off your back. People are less and less tactful these days. Good luck to you. Enjoy your ready made baby-sitter! ^_^

Sort of a unique situation...

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