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Who to Invite - Help Needed (Long! Sorry!!)

mcahill1mcahill1 member
in Baby Showers

Hi! Sorry in advance for this being kinda long... I just need another perspective... any help/advice is GREATLY appreciated!

So, my mother and I are estranged. We haven't spoken more than once (when I called to tell her I was pregnant, to which her reply was "Well, how do you even know you are for sure?") in the past 2 years.

I was planning on not inviting her to a shower (being co-hosted for me by my 2 sisters and 2 friends). However, if I don't invite her-- should I also not invite her sisters (my Aunts)? My mother is also estranged from my Aunts and they do not speak. All my Aunts live in different states and would VERY likely be unable to attend anyway. However, I do not want to cause any more unneeded drama and invite them and have it get back to her.

As if that weren't enough drama... my sisters do not have a relationship with my dad, though I do. My dad remarried a few years ago and I do not have a great relationship with his wife or her children, but my Dad and I do still have a relationship. I feel like I can't ask my sisters to invite my step mom, as they do not have a very hostile relationship with my Dad and no relationship with her. However, I'm sure not inviting my stepmom will hurt my Dad. Plus, if I don't invite my stepmom, does that mean I need to not invite my Aunts on my Dad's side (his sisters)? Again, they all live in different states and would be very unlikely to be able to attend.

A friend of mine suggested sending "annoucements" to everyone, and then just sending shower invitations to friends and my Husbands family. Thoughts on that?

Again, any help would be SO helpful! I'm at a loss for what to do. I know showers shouldn't be so stressful though!! 

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Re: Who to Invite - Help Needed (Long! Sorry!!)

  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member
    imageAFwifelife:

    Invite whoever you want to be there.  If all these people are estranged from each other, how will they know so and so got an invitation and others didn't?  If you want your stepmom there, then she should get an invite.  Your sisters' do not need to have personal relationships with everyone invited in order to invite them to a party in your honor.  

    FWIW, showers are small and intimate where I'm from, like 15-20 max.  Not every female family member got an invite and most don't even know it is going on.  The people going are those I interact with frequently or have a close relationship to.  It's not a wedding that everyone gets invited to.

    I think the announcement thing before the baby is here is kinda weird.  Send out birth announcements if you want to everyone but I wouldn't be sending out pregnancy announcements. 

    ALL of this, especially the bolded.  I don't understand inviting people who live far away to a shower.  A shower isn't a wedding, or a baptism, or the birth.  It's a gift-giving event more on par w/ a birthday party.  don't overblow the importance. 

    But I do understand that it's the "norm" in some families.  however, I highly doubt it's the norm in yours. 

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

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  • FemShepFemShep member
    imageAFwifelife:

    Invite whoever you want to be there.  If all these people are estranged from each other, how will they know so and so got an invitation and others didn't?  If you want your stepmom there, then she should get an invite.  Your sisters' do not need to have personal relationships with everyone invited in order to invite them to a party in your honor.  

    FWIW, showers are small and intimate where I'm from, like 15-20 max.  Not every female family member got an invite and most don't even know it is going on.  The people going are those I interact with frequently or have a close relationship to.  It's not a wedding that everyone gets invited to.

    I think the announcement thing before the baby is here is kinda weird.  Send out birth announcements if you want to everyone but I wouldn't be sending out pregnancy announcements. 

    All of this.  Also, announcements are only appropriate after the baby is born.  Think of it as a marriage; you only send out announcements after the wedding has taken place.  The event (birth) is what's important, not your physical state leading up to it.  :)

     Good luck! 

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  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member
    I have to come back to the announcement thing - I HOPE your friend meant "do birth announcements once the baby is born".  A shower is so so so so NOT at event to have an announcement for.
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

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  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    Invite whoever you are close to, like your mom's aunts and not bother with stepmom and dad's sisters if you aren't close.
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  • babymama619babymama619 member
    I say invite them all and whoever shows up shows up. As for the step mother, it's your party. If you think you'd like her there then invite her. Your sisters can suck it up for 1 day.

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