Friend ventlong TIA for even considering

Arod1087 · July 2013

Sooo I'm trying to look at this as a positive but it's pretty hard with 1000x the emotions

Basically I'm 25 and my friend suck.

My cousin in law was awesome enough to through me a Girly shower that is Fam only plus my 3 closest friends who love close by. My sister said she would throw me a couples party that would be a BBQ and more relaxed..the type of thing that is more my style..so all my friends could come..especially the friends from
Who live in LA. Because none of them have seen me since I've been pregs.

Well just looked at the invite and all of them can't make it..2 are out of the country and the other 2 who are the closer friends have decided they just don't want to come, no other reason than that.

I get that I'm 25 and most of these girls don't get pregnancy and all but to me its like this. I don't care about the gifts..I would just like the support from 2 friends I have known since I was 10 and planned to have babies with so our babies could be best friends too. Also, I don't think they understand baby showers aren't like birthdays..you only have them one time really unless you have maybe a sprinkle because of a diff sex baby..which I still think isn't the same as your first baby shower.

And it's not like the shower is short notice..it's August 17th and I sent out emails to make sure people were free that weekend a month ago, where they all said can't wait to see you!

And if you are thinking they live far away don't be mad..they both make 80,000 a year and I still live in our hometown so when they come home they just stay with their parents. Essentially it would cost nothing to make it from la to sf for a weekend.

I'm just bummed that this party was to celebrate with my all my friends and now it's just showing me who true friends are..man I hate preg emotions..this is something I know wouldn't have bothered me this much when I was a rational person.

Thank you for letting me vent. It's 4 am and this was keeping me awake.

lovelittlebean · July 2013

This is one of the many reasons I opted out of having a shower. Almost all my good friends and my parents live in Indiana while I live in Florida. I did not want to feel like crap about them not coming. Try not to take it personally, although it is hard not to. One thing I have learned is that I may be super excited about having a baby but most of my friends are indifferent. They have their own lives to think about.

Arod1087 · July 2013

lovelittlebean:
This is one of the many reasons I opted out of having a shower. Almost all my good friends and my parents live in Indiana while I live in Florida. I did not want to feel like crap about them not coming. Try not to take it personally, although it is hard not to. One thing I have learned is that I may be super excited about having a baby but most of my friends are indifferent. They have their own lives to think about.

Yes I totally agree about friends being indifferent..especially at 25 when you really only care about yourself. But that's why I hate preggy emotions because if I was rational I wouldn't be so upset.

mancila60 · July 2013

I understand where you are coming from and have been dealing with a similar issue myself. I have 1 friend who has actually checked on me since getting pregnant and we actually work together now. None of the rest of them have checked on me and I'm high risk so I thought they would at least want to know how things are going. However for me it's also been family too. I hope you feel better soon I have just come to terms that it's not going to make everyone as happy as it makes me.

germanpickle · July 2013

In my experience with my first pregnancy, my group of friends did change. But since I moved to another country after college, the change didn't impact my friends from when I was younger. Since you have been friends with these people since way back when, I would really suggest calling them and telling them how important it is to you that they come, that their friendship is and remains important to you.

I'd skip the whole "we are 25 and only care about yourselves" or "you can't understand because you don't have a child" ... that isn't really important. What is important is that you want them there to share a special day with you.

babydoll22308 · July 2013

I definitely think that when you have kids before your friends do, relationships change. You should have kids when you are ready, and that may be different than others. And yes whe you are the first of your friends, they dont get it because their life is still about partying and taking care of themselves. Your circle of friends will definitely change now, that's for sure. Your situation is hurtful, I know I have been there. Just focus on the ones that do support you

MrsB2be13 · July 2013

Try not to let it get to you I know it's hard. My DFS sister was one of my best friends but once he and I got serious she's been MIA. She was supposed to throw the shower now she's not even coming. I don't know what the deal is but I'm trying to focus on all the good things

Gwyneddlesliegrace · July 2013

1. Please read your work before posting. I had a very hard time following.

2. I am 25 and pregnant with my third. Most of my friends are settling down and thinking about families. I don't get that they don't understand what is going on with you.

3. Sometimes people just suck. Sorry they are not into it.

RedZee · July 2013

I didn't really understand your post. For the smaller shower, the 2 close local friends are coming, right? For the bigger shower, the people in LA are NOT coming? And you're upset about the people not coming from LA?

While I understand you'd be hurt, I do get why they wouldn't make the trip. I've lived in 5 different places and my friends from those places have moved all over the world. I've been invited to weddings and showers all over and they have been invited to my events. We haven't gone to all these events - it's hard when you live far away. And even if these friends would come to visit their parents anyway, they might not have planned to come at that time.

My "best friend" (very long story) is getting married in April in Florida even though she lives in NY. It was supposed to be in August but she postponed. I'm the MOH and my daughter is supposed to be the flower girl. DH and I are realizing that we're not all going to this wedding because it will cost at least $2000 for all 4 of us to get there, get a hotel, etc. and then we'd have to take days off from work without even getting to enjoy the trip. There are lots of considerations for everyone.

And just because they don't make it to the shower, doesn't mean they won't be there to meet the baby.

taylormarie923 · July 2013

Being 25 doesn't automatically make someone immature and self-centered. However, you do seem to be both of those things. I don't understand the importance of your shower and having your best friends from childhood there. It isn't a wedding, it isn't the birth of your baby, and it isn't really that big of a celebration. It is a cheesy party where people come to give you gifts. Be happy you are even having, not one, but two showers! Your friends are probably still happy for you and they will be more inclined to make the trip to meet your baby once he or she is born. If you really want a gift from them then just say that.

sleepy33 · July 2013

taylormarie923:
Being 25 doesn't automatically make someone immature and self-centered. However, you do seem to be both of those things. I don't understand the importance of your shower and having your best friends from childhood there. It isn't a wedding, it isn't the birth of your baby, and it isn't really that big of a celebration. It is a cheesy party where people come to give you gifts. Be happy you are even having, not one, but two showers! Your friends are probably still happy for you and they will be more inclined to make the trip to meet your baby once he or she is born. If you really want a gift from them then just say that.

THIS

Wino0920 · July 2013

I don't understand this post, just because they can't come to your baby shower they aren't your friends? Yikes!

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