Books instead of cards

Alaws88 · July 2013

I saw an idea on Pinterest about requesting on the shower invite.. a childrens book with a written message inside instead of a card.

What you think? I like the idea, I'm a book lover and plan on having lots of books for the baby to look at and for me to read to her.

I'm just not sure if asking for that on the invite is tacky or gift grabby looking.

Noethola · July 2013

Its tacky and not practical. And what will you do if you receive five copies of Good Night Moon all inscribed to your baby.

If you want people to sign a book, provide it for them and have them sign it at the shower as a way to document the occasion.

Cards are $.50-4.00. Books are often $5-30.

marhuz · July 2013

One of my showers is Dr. Seuss themed, I think we are doing the "guest book" idea for that with a Seuss book.

I've heard of showers where you ask for books instead of/or as a priority for gifts, but not instead of cards. That could be tricky. The added cost and lack of control over copies of books are both good concerns.

Alaws88 · July 2013

Noethola:
Its tacky and not practical. And what will you do if you receive five copies of Good Night Moon all inscribed to your baby.nbsp;If you want people to sign a book, provide it for them and have them sign it at the shower as a way to document the occasion. Cards are .504.00. Books are often 530.

I LOVE your idea of having a book there and letting guests sign it!
Thanks!! So much better then asking everyone to bring one lol.

RibbitGrl930 · July 2013

One word: Ewww

Cranang · July 2013

Nope, super, super tacky. In fact, it's on my Tacky (and stupid)! things board on Pinterest. :-)

But it looks like you took the advice of one of the PP. Good for you! A much better alternative.

We really hate the argument on here "Oh I love to read and I want to have lots of books for LO." We ALL feel that way...we just don't want to hit our family and friends up to fund it for us.

Good luck and go with the guest book option.

HBirdie · July 2013

MrsLee04:
Noethola:
Its tacky and not practical. And what will you do if you receive five copies of Good Night Moon all inscribed to your baby.
If you want people to sign a book, provide it for them and have them sign it at the shower as a way to document the occasion.
Cards are $.50-4.00. Books are often $5-30.
This. My SIL wanted me to do this for her shower but I said no way. So I got a copy of "Oh the Places You'll Go" and had all the guests sign it. Now the child will have 1 special book to keep forever, rather than 30 copies of Good Night Moon.

It's funny that everyone mentions Goodnight Moon as the one they'll get thirty copies of. It makes sense, it's one of the most popular kids books out there. But I went to a shower a month or so ago with the "books instead of cards" thing, and with about 30ish guests, the MTB didn't get a single duplicate. I was amazed! To top it off, we realized at the end of the present opening that she didn't get a single copy of Goodnight Moon. At least three people at our table almost purchased it and then decided not to because they figured someone else would. I was shocked, though, that thirty people were creative enough to all find different books!

That aside, OP: the book instead of card idea is TACKY and you shouldn't do it. I'm glad you're going with a book as a guestbook. I think I want to do that for my shower (which is book themed!), I just can't decide which book, there are sooo many good ones out there. One of my favorites is The Runaway Bunny, so maybe that one.

CateOfChicago · July 2013

I want books so I registered for them. I hosted a shower last year and put out "all the places you'll go" as a guest book. I made up a little poem. There is a pic in my profile.

BakerMommy · July 2013

A book instead of a card is a great idea IF the guest thinks of it on her own and chooses to do so with no encouragement from the hostess.

IrishPiratess · July 2013

some people insist that this is the tackiest thing ever, and some people not. Its a personal preference.
I always thought it was cute, and never heard of it being tacky until I came to this board.

That being said- my shower was last weekend, and it was a total surprise to me. Other than giving my hostess a list of addresses, I totally stayed out of it, and had no clue what the hostess planned to do.

They did just this, and with 35 people attending, we didn't get a single duplicate book. Several people gave us books that are for LO when she gets older too, not just baby books (some even into Middle school level books). Everyone at the party loved it, and some people gave us nothing but books.

so to each their own!

Cranang · July 2013

IrishPiratess:

some people insist that this is the tackiest thing ever, and some people not. Its a personal preference.
I always thought it was cute, and never heard of it being tacky until I came to this board.

That being said- my shower was last weekend, and it was a total surprise to me. Other than giving my hostess a list of addresses, I totally stayed out of it, and had no clue what the hostess planned to do.

They did just this, and with 35 people attending, we didn't get a single duplicate book. Several people gave us books that are for LO when she gets older too, not just baby books (some even into Middle school level books). Everyone at the party loved it, and some people gave us nothing but books.

so to each their own!

Well, of course it's a personal preference. The point being, everyone at the party SAID they loved it. What are they going to say? The fact is, if you do it, you risk offending some of your guests who have taken their time and money to come celebrate your procreation. If you DON'T do it, then you risk offending no one. Seems like a no brainer.

mysticl · July 2013

IrishPiratess:
some people insist that this is the tackiest thing ever, and some people not. Its a personal preference.
I always thought it was cute, and never heard of it being tacky until I came to this board.

That being said- my shower was last weekend, and it was a total surprise to me. Other than giving my hostess a list of addresses, I totally stayed out of it, and had no clue what the hostess planned to do.
They did just this, and with 35 people attending, we didn't get a single duplicate book. Several people gave us books that are for LO when she gets older too, not just baby books (some even into Middle school level books). Everyone at the party loved it, and some people gave us nothing but books.

so to each their own!

Tacky isn't the word I would use. More like rude. Books and cards are not interchangeable from a cost point of view. Not everyone may be able to afford to buy a book on top of a gift. If I'm giving a gift I rarely spend money on a card as well, I just put a gift tag on the package. If I have to buy you a book too you are getting a smaller gift.

kinarlva · July 2013

Yes, it's tacky and gift grabby. If you'd like people to buy you books, then register for them. Please don't dictate what people give you - diapers, books, whatever.

ErikaNichole · July 2013

Cute idea. I like it and would not be offended at all to receive a book request for a shower.

Jeveritt11 · July 2013

I myself have never received an invitation with this request, but I also don't find it tacky at all. I would much rather spend a couple more dollars on a book that the mother & child could actually get some use out of then a card that's just going to get thrown away or shoved in a drawer. Decent cards now days are upwards of $4-5 dollars, you can buy a hardback dr suess book for $5-6 at Walmart or target. What's a dollar or 2 more when it's something that the family can actually use. We have recieved a lot of books already and I'm 30 weeks pregnant, we read to our baby every night and will continue to do so once she is born.

KatFCo · July 2013

Jeveritt11 said:

I myself have never received an invitation with this request, but I also don't find it tacky at all. I would much rather spend a couple more dollars on a book that the mother & child could actually get some use out of then a card that's just going to get thrown away or shoved in a drawer. Decent cards now days are upwards of $4-5 dollars, you can buy a hardback dr suess book for $5-6 at Walmart or target. What's a dollar or 2 more when it's something that the family can actually use. We have recieved a lot of books already and I'm 30 weeks pregnant, we read to our baby every night and will continue to do so once she is born.

Just because you don't mind doesn't mean someone else won't mind. When I buy baby shower cards, I usually try to get the dollar cards. I can still find some cute cards without spending $4. Dr. Seuss aside, most decent children's literature costs more than $5-6. I personally mind very much having someone say, "Hey, in addition to the gift you're so graciously getting, get me another one. I promise it's not tacky to ask you to spend more money on me."

rachepie · July 2013

My mom and my sister decided to put this on the invite to my shower (I didn't know ahead of time). It was really great, there was only one repeat book, which I think made it a success.

I don't think it's tacky or gift-grabby, some people did regular cards instead of books, and that was totally great and wonderful.

It's a lovely idea, and if people aren't into it, they can choose not to do it, and that's fine.

Anyone who hates the idea or is somehow insulted by it (really?) has bigger issues than books vs. cards and will probably be cranky and judgmental about anything you do, it's just not worth trying to please them.

Cranang · July 2013

rachepie said:

My mom and my sister decided to put this on the invite to my shower (I didn't know ahead of time). It was really great, there was only one repeat book, which I think made it a success.

I don't think it's tacky or gift-grabby, some people did regular cards instead of books, and that was totally great and wonderful.

It's a lovely idea, and if people aren't into it, they can choose not to do it, and that's fine.

Anyone who hates the idea or is somehow insulted by it (really?) has bigger issues than books vs. cards and will probably be cranky and judgmental about anything you do, it's just not worth trying to please them.

I mean, God forbid you try to please the people who are spending their time and hard-earned money on you simply because you procreated. Yeah, don't worry about that...just do what gets you the most stuff.

Liz4444 · July 2013

It is not about how much something costs, that is not what makes this rude, it's telling someone HOW to spend their money. It doesn't matter if item in question, in this case, a book, cost 50 cents or $50. People need to stop trying to justify this by saying the cost isn't that different. What if the invitation said, instead of wrapping paper wrap your gift in an Aden and Anais blanket... I'm guessing that would get a lot of negative opinions, it's the exact same thing.

Julie21613 · July 2013

I know I'll probably get "flamed" for this response, but I really don't see it as being tacky. I received my first such invitation with the book poem on it and I thought it was a great idea. I have since received 3 more and I am happy to do it. You DON'T have to spend a lot of money for a decent children's book. I have purchased books for $4-$6. I did tell my mom under no circumstances should they ask guests to bring a box of diapers to the shower. Diapers are very expensive.

I see I'm in the minority here, but everyone has the right to their own opinion. I respect yours.

Liz4444 · July 2013

Julie21613 said:
I know I'll probably get "flamed" for this response, but I really don't see it as being tacky. I received my first such invitation with the book poem on it and I thought it was a great idea. I have since received 3 more and I am happy to do it. You DON'T have to spend a lot of money for a decent children's book. I have purchased books for $4-$6. I did tell my mom under no circumstances should they ask guests to bring a box of diapers to the shower. Diapers are very expensive.

I see I'm in the minority here, but everyone has the right to their own opinion. I respect yours.

Please reread my response right above yours...

Julie21613 · July 2013

I did read your post. I can agree to disagree. And.. the "poem" i got with my first such invitation contained the words "please consider". So it wasn't telling people what to buy, it was asking them to consider. As I said... I respect your opinion(s), but I respectfully disagree.

Liz4444 · July 2013

Julie21613 said:

I did read your post. I can agree to disagree. And.. the "poem" i got with my first such invitation contained the words "please consider". So it wasn't telling people what to buy, it was asking them to consider. As I said... I respect your opinion(s), but I respectfully disagree.

Then why is please consider bringing diapers rude, according to you, but please consider a book instead of a card not?

KatFCo · July 2013

rachepie said:

My mom and my sister decided to put this on the invite to my shower (I didn't know ahead of time). It was really great, there was only one repeat book, which I think made it a success.

I don't think it's tacky or gift-grabby, some people did regular cards instead of books, and that was totally great and wonderful.

It's a lovely idea, and if people aren't into it, they can choose not to do it, and that's fine.

Anyone who hates the idea or is somehow insulted by it (really?) has bigger issues than books vs. cards and will probably be cranky and judgmental about anything you do, it's just not worth trying to please them.

So because you happen to like an idea means we have issues? If course the MTB is going to like the idea of getting books at her shower instead of cards. That's not the point. The point is, no matter how many times the word please is in there, it's still assumed to be expected.

Gifts are supposed to be initiated by the giver, not dictated or even requested by the recipient. That's what makes it rude.

kalette · July 2013

You guys are somethin' else. It's a cute idea. If you think it's awful and rude, then DON'T GO. Shouldn't you be offended they invited you in the first place? I mean, it's pretty much expected you will buy a gift.

Julie21613 · July 2013

Simply because diapers are quite a bit more expense then a children's book. A child's book can be found for roughly the same price as a card. A box of diapers cannot. If a guest wasn't going to purchase a card and use a tag, so be it. They don't bring a book. The poem read "please consider" not "please bring" All I'm saying is I have no problem contributing to a child's library where they will enjoy these books for many years to come. I do have a problem with contributing something that is going to be thrown away after one use.. ie diapers. (unless they specifically registered for them)

Julie21613 · July 2013

I respectfully agree to disagree.

Julie21613 · July 2013

Joy2611 said:

Julie21613 said:

I respectfully agree to disagree.

But you don't respect my wallet. Got it.

Hmmmm.....from all the previous posts it was mentioned several times that (not you specifically) it wasn't the cost factor but the fact that it was felt that the "poem" was telling people what to buy for the shower and that it was tacky. My opinion is that it isn't tacky and there are many children's books that can be purchased for the price of a nice card. So......Joy...I do respect your wallet because you don't have to buy a book instead of a card and I still stand by respectfully disagreeing. You can disagree with a person's opinion and not have to be snarky in doing so. Just saying......

kalette · July 2013

You all should be so offended to even be invited in the first place. Good lord, it's generally expected that you will bring a gift! That is baby related! How dare they!

Julie21613 · July 2013

Nicb13 said:

Julie21613 said:

I did read your post. I can agree to disagree. And.. the "poem" i got with my first such invitation contained the words "please consider". So it wasn't telling people what to buy, it was asking them to consider. As I said... I respect your opinion(s), but I respectfully disagree.

That's a load of crap right there because who wants to be the one jack ass that shows up with a card instead of a book like you were told to "consider" bringing.
It's like those people who throw parties for themselves when they are pregnant and try to claim it's not a shower and say "no need to bring a gift". Saying that basically means "we want presents".

I don't see it that way at all. I know several people didn't bring books to the shower I went to and no one (at my table anyway) thought anything about it. I was recently invited to an older couples wedding and the invitation clearly said "no gifts". I did not think anything of it and did not bring a gift. Maybe besides trying to be "nice" I am also naive. I don't look for the negative in things but rather the positive. It appears that many of you, not all, like the drama of being snarky. Have fun with it ladies!

BeeBee08 · July 2013

kalette said:

You all should be so offended to even be invited in the first place. Good lord, it's generally expected that you will bring a gift! That is baby related! How dare they!

No kidding. How dare those women invite you to their baby shower and disrespect all your wallets by expecting a gift! That is, after all, what a shower is, right? They invite you and then you buy them gifts for the baby? Whether it's on the registry or a suggestion in a poem, what's the difference? This is crazy.

Cranang · July 2013

BeeBee08 said:

kalette said:

You all should be so offended to even be invited in the first place. Good lord, it's generally expected that you will bring a gift! That is baby related! How dare they!

No kidding. How dare those women invite you to their baby shower and disrespect all your wallets by expecting a gift! That is, after all, what a shower is, right? They invite you and then you buy them gifts for the baby? Whether it's on the registry or a suggestion in a poem, what's the difference? This is crazy.

I'm sure you two are not going to have the comprehension skills to understand this, but I'm going to try to lay it out as concisely as I can.

1. You're missing the point. A shower does presume gift giving, yes. However, no one is telling you what to buy. You get to do that on your own. Whether you look at a registry or you buy something else, no one is telling you what to buy with your money.

2. A book that's worth a damn is more than $4. These are supposed to be books that the child will hold onto and read over and over again. My 21 month old has destroyed every cheap book that's ever been given to her. Nice keepsake ya got there.

3. Moreover, and really the crux of the matter, you're telling people "hey we don't want your stupid card, we want more stuff, so buy a book instead." You're telling them to purchase a book, and while you might hang your hat on the "it's optional" tree, it's really not. There have been countless posts on here where people feel uncomfortable and cheap that they didn't get a card. "Oh, Aunt Pearl...Where the Sidewalk Ends. Thank you!" "Oh look...Susie gave me Goodnight Moon"...how sweet." "Here's Cranang's gift...with a card." Cue my discomfort at feeling like a cheapo.

4. It's not like books are some sort of secret development that people are just suddenly discovering. If people want to buy you books, they'll buy you books. Put them on the registry. But trying to extract more "stuff" out of them is just rude.

5. Bottom line...you DO NOT tell people how to spend their money. A registry is just a list of things the mother needs to get set up for the new baby. People can choose to look at it or not. However, putting "bring a book instead of a card" in the invitation is not really giving the recipient a choice. You might think so because it's a cute little poem and says "optional" in some form or fashion, but it's not. Not to mention saying to them "I don't want a thoughtfully written card from you...I want a thing instead, ON TOP OF the gift you were already planning on giving me."

nicholssquared · July 2013

Here's my logic.
1. A baby shower is a gift giving event.
2. At gift giving events, a gift is anticipated.
3. A card by itself is not a gift.
Conclusion: I am going to a baby shower, so I need to get a gift that's not just a card.

With me so far - here's the hard part.
1. If I get a card, I also need to get a gift (see conclusion above)
2. Books are requested INSTEAD of cards
3. Books are gifts.
Conclusion: MTB has requested TWO gifts - one is a book, and one is a different gift.

Here's why it's tacky:
1. Baby showers are gift-giving events
2. It's expected to provide a gift (singular)
3. MTB has requested two gifts (see conclusion two)
Conclusion: MTB is asking for more gifts then it is expected for her guests to bring to her baby shower.
The conclusion implies that MTB is a greedy bitch. Hope that was clear enough.

RibbitGrl930 · July 2013

Joy2611 said:

No, I don't have bigger issues, thank you. I like my money and I think it's rude for people to dictate how I spend it. The people who don't see a problem with the book instead of a card nonsense are actually worrying me.

I've noticed that most of the people who say they just LOOOOOVE this idea are the MTB's who benefit by getting more gifts. Coincidence? Methinks not.

Meery82 · July 2013

Cranang said:

BeeBee08 said:

kalette said:

You all should be so offended to even be invited in the first place. Good lord, it's generally expected that you will bring a gift! That is baby related! How dare they!

No kidding. How dare those women invite you to their baby shower and disrespect all your wallets by expecting a gift! That is, after all, what a shower is, right? They invite you and then you buy them gifts for the baby? Whether it's on the registry or a suggestion in a poem, what's the difference? This is crazy.

I'm sure you two are not going to have the comprehension skills to understand this, but I'm going to try to lay it out as concisely as I can.

1. You're missing the point. A shower does presume gift giving, yes. However, no one is telling you what to buy. You get to do that on your own. Whether you look at a registry or you buy something else, no one is telling you what to buy with your money.

2. A book that's worth a damn is more than $4. These are supposed to be books that the child will hold onto and read over and over again. My 21 month old has destroyed every cheap book that's ever been given to her. Nice keepsake ya got there.

3. Moreover, and really the crux of the matter, you're telling people "hey we don't want your stupid card, we want more stuff, so buy a book instead." You're telling them to purchase a book, and while you might hang your hat on the "it's optional" tree, it's really not. There have been countless posts on here where people feel uncomfortable and cheap that they didn't get a card. "Oh, Aunt Pearl...Where the Sidewalk Ends. Thank you!" "Oh look...Susie gave me Goodnight Moon"...how sweet." "Here's Cranang's gift...with a card." Cue my discomfort at feeling like a cheapo.

4. It's not like books are some sort of secret development that people are just suddenly discovering. If people want to buy you books, they'll buy you books. Put them on the registry. But trying to extract more "stuff" out of them is just rude.

5. Bottom line...you DO NOT tell people how to spend their money. A registry is just a list of things the mother needs to get set up for the new baby. People can choose to look at it or not. However, putting "bring a book instead of a card" in the invitation is not really giving the recipient a choice. You might think so because it's a cute little poem and says "optional" in some form or fashion, but it's not. Not to mention saying to them "I don't want a thoughtfully written card from you...I want a thing instead, ON TOP OF the gift you were already planning on giving me."

I really don't understand why this is so hard to comprehend.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

No.

kinarlva · August 2013

I am a book lover too. If you'd like people to give books as gifts, you can "suggest" it by registering for some. Please don't tell people what to buy you via the invitation. It's in poor taste.

BallSox · August 2013

Key points:
1) People will say "That's such a cute idea!" because what is their other option? "I hate that you asked me to buy you a book. I think it makes you greedy and I loathed you the entire time I was shopping."

2) Current list price for a hardcover copy of "Oh the Places You'll Go" on Amazon is $17.99, marked down to $11.66. Target is $12.99 (with special "Gift Editions" going for around $20). Any nice keepsake copy of a classic children's book will average you about that much. Way more than even the most expensive card at your local Target.

3) Yes, it's not REQUIRED to participate, but most people will feel guilty and participate anyways. When they do, and if you ask, they'll lie to you (see #1) about their participation.

4) Any blatant condition/request put on your guests presence at the event (non-wrapped, gift cards only, Diaper Raffle, Book instead of a card, Bring a decorated letter for the nursery, bring an onesie that represents you, etc) is rude. "But Ballsox, you give them your registry--it's TOTES the same!!" No, no, no, no, no it's not. Registry = "a list of things the parents would like/still need in case you need help finding something they will like". Comparing the previous requests to a registry would be like saying "Aunt Sally, please consider buying me *this* stroller.

ordinary1 · August 2013

Tacky! The "poem" makes it worse. Sometimes I give a book as a gift, so now my gift isn't good enough as it is now equal to a card.

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