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WWYD? Neighborhood boy

NicoleWINicoleWI member
in Pre-School and Daycare

We're moving to a new neighborhood and we were able to attend a subdivision cookout that they had the other day. The hosts had kids around the ages of ours and the mom was super nice about inviting us over, saying she absolutely wants to do play dates, I could drop the kids off, etc. This is awesome, except....

at the party, her almost-5-year-old son was kind of a bully. I hadn't run into this yet until now. His parents were busy and in the house and we were out on the lawn so they didn't know what was going on, but he almost immediately seemed to focus on my 2.5 year old son. He kept picking grass and putting it on DS's head, he put grass all over DS's food, and after I saw this and told him to stop, when I turned away he even filled up MY cocktail glass with grass. He was kind of sassy/challenging with the adults, too. Later, I was changing DS's diaper, and he started saying, "SEe? I knew he was a baby! Babies wear diapers! He's a baby!" in a mean sort of way, not a matter of fact kid way. Poor DS isn't even very used to other kids and hasn't faced anything like this before. He kept saying, "I'm not a baby!" in kind of a perplexed way. Then, later, the mom mentioned how her kid has been having lots of accidents, so I get where this comes from, but still. The kid also pushed his little sister down in the lawn and she skinned her knee. He also took a toy away from my DS and ran off with it. Lastly, his mom mentioned that they have really had to be working on "being gentle" b/c he has been so rough that he BROKE AN OUTLET PLATE when he banged his little brother's head into it.

I want to be "friends"-ish and DD liked playing with the younger 3 year old girl, but I don't know that I feel comfortable sending DS over there to play. Nor do I want to start off by addressing this with the mom. 

WWYD? Try a play date at some point and just chance it? Avoid it for awhile? Try it at my house?

In the kid's defense, I did sense that something is going on...I think they recently started daycare, mom is doing some kind of job but didn't seem to want to talk about it, and dad recently lost a job and has been looking.

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Re: WWYD? Neighborhood boy

  • Spin313Spin313 member
    I don't think a party is the best time to judge this kid's behavior. If he wasn't being directly supervised, and there are other issues going on with the family, you might want to give them another chance.
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  • Mrs.GregMrs.Greg member
    That's a tough situation. But I agree with the PP. I'd give them another chance, see how the boy acts when it's just you and your kids with him, his mom and his sister. And you can see how his mom responds to his behavior.
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    There is no way unless an extreme emergency that I would let my kids that young do a drop off play date so with people I barely know so I would not even consider that. Have a play date with you and her present and if it goes well great and if not then you go from there. The tiny big you described make me wonder if he has a diagnosis of some sort. As for the baby comment I do not think it is that uncommon for a 5yo to think a kid wearing a diaper or a 2.5yo is a baby because to be honest he is still a baby even if you worried it would hurt his feelings. The rest would concern me.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • NicoleWINicoleWI member
    Great points! I'll just make sure I am there, too. Thanks!
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  • AsquaredAsquared member

    Yup, try a short playdate- NOT a drop off one for a loooong time.  No need for that at this point- a lot of trust is needed for that!

    imagefredalina:
    At this age and in these circumstances I would do play dates that are more like family visits and not drop off babysitting type play dates. I don't think you have to address it, just invite them over and stay near the kids.
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  • KateLouiseKateLouise member

    imagefredalina:
    At this age and in these circumstances I would do play dates that are more like family visits and not drop off babysitting type play dates. I don't think you have to address it, just invite them over and stay near the kids.

    This. 

    But really he broke an outlet plate?? I'm in NZ so maybe we're not talking about the same thing, but where I am that would take an awful lot of force to do. 

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  • NicoleWINicoleWI member
    Just to explain the changing...DS had a horrific blowout AT the party, and I took him around the house to change him on the grass in a private spot. The other kids found us and came over.
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  • Princess_LilyPrincess_Lily member

    Dear Lord, broke an outlet plate when he banged his little brothers head into it???!

    I would give one more chance, a play date at a playground with both parents present.  If you find though that the parent doesn't follow through with reinforcing "gentle play" when there is a rough patch, and the child acts bully-ish, there really isn't a point in getting together again.  

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