No Sex - 4 months pp

kristenncl · July 2013

OK ladies, here's the deal: My baby is 4 months old now, I am breastfeeding, and any time my husband and I have tried to have sex it is super uncomfortable and no amount of lube will help - feels like razor blades in there during the act.

A month and a half ago I scheduled an ob appointment to get this checked out. The Dr had to reschedule for two weeks later and in that time I didn't feel any discomfort, but no sex drive or sex tries either.

So now I want to cancel the appointment, because I feel like what I'm experiencing is normal (and my 6 month checkup is only about two months away, and who likes going to the obgyn anyways?), but I don't want to disappoint my husband, who has been looking forward to this appointment hoping it will fix our serious predicament.

What should I do?

watermellens · July 2013

I don't think that's it's necessarily normal. 4 months out, I don't think sex should hurt THAT much (razor blades). But if you haven't tried in a while, I guess it might.

Practice makes perfect Use a lot of lube and take a lot of time.

musicalmama5 · July 2013

That seems like a long time to still be painful. This might be TMI, but what positions have you tried? For us, it was best when I was on top and could control everything! And yeah, lots of lube. Breastfeeding tends to dry you out down there.

pinottoparenthood · July 2013

I would go to the appointment and talk about options with your doctor. What do you have to lose? It sounds like maybe you don't really want to face the issue, but it's not go g to get better until you address it....and a sexless marriage is no fun!

mrsapril2010 · July 2013

You have to keep trying. I'm in the same boat. Yes razor blades is what it feels like but I think it's because you've healed and the drive has depleted because we are tired and in baby mode. First try was at 6wks. Was a no go then tried again last week. Uncomfortable! But I refuse to stop trying. Trying again this week. I heard it gets better after each try. Good luck!

BigPoppa22 · July 2013

jack19:
pinottoparenthood:
a sexless marriage is no fun!
this!! Not to sound crude but you need to get back on the horse! Hang in there it will get better

Hrmm, can you two send my DW an email please???

Though to be fair, and I know this sounds awful, I have been so freaking tired chipping in with the baby that I am not exactly chomping at the bit either.

JenniD2 · July 2013

I've been going through this as well. DH and I have tried twice, and it has been extremely painful. I think I am going to make an appointment soon because I would really like to do this again with DH.

Maybe you should get everything checked out to make sure that everything is ok.

emd886 · July 2013

I don't know if its normal or not but I was the same way, and it gets better! We started having sex again 4 monts and it sucked! It felt like being scratched or something from the inside. I had 2nd and 3rd degree tearing and had to have a lot of stitches. I figured it was something that needed to be worked through. Be on top and go as slow as you need. This was torture for my hubby cuz I told him he was not allowed to move lol After a few "sessions" it started to only hurt in the beginning. Now its still a little tender in the beginning but that goes away quickly.

rockyrollgirl · July 2013

It takes time, lube, patience and a lot of practice. I am going to guess that since your sex drive is low that you are probably DTD very rarely. You need to make a point to take time for the two of you after your LO goes to sleep. Try to relax and use a lot of foreplay. You are probably anticipating it hurting and are tensing up. Do not rush it.

JSS1002 · July 2013

rockyrollgirl:
It takes time, lube, patience and a lot of practice. I am going to guess that since your sex drive is low that you are probably DTD very rarely. You need to make a point to take time for the two of you after your LO goes to sleep. Try to relax and use a lot of foreplay. You are probably anticipating it hurting and are tensing up. Do not rush it.

I recommend adding "liquor" to the above suggestions... at least the first few times. it will relax you. You aren't naturally lubricating due to breastfeeding, but also your skin has lost some elasticity due to breastfeeding (this is what my doctor told me), which is contributing to the pain.

Hang in there. Get 'er done. Just get on top, go slow, control it, and use TONS of astroglide... and make out for a long time first. :-)

kristenncl · July 2013

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I guess I will keep my appointment, which is tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes.

brandi6102 · July 2013

You said u will let us know how your appt goes...PLEASE do! My DD1 is 2 1/2 sex has been painful ever since. I switched OB's bc mine wasn't taking me seriously. She just kept saying suck it up do what you gotta do

my new OB thinks it may be a crushed nerve but since I was prego again, he couldn't really tell. I have a follow up st the end of August and I'm soooo nervous!

happy_un-bride · July 2013

It has slowly started to improve after 4 months, but I still have no drive.

kristenncl · July 2013

So I went to the Dr. Friday and I am so glad I did. What I described to her sounded normal, but then she took a look. "Hmmm..." isn't exactly the first thing you want to hear from your doc when they look down there, which is what happened. She said everything had healed properly (including my 2nd degree tear), but that there was extensive irritation (NOT normal). She pressed a couple of places until I cried out "ouch!" She said any time my husband and I attempted intercourse the irritation lost any progress it made towards recovery. Other things could cause it too, including a yeast infection.

Long story short, she prescribed a topical estrogen-ointment she said would speed up the healing process. She said to use this at least a week before attempting sex, and when it comes time for that again use lube that is water-based - NOT Fire & Ice KY - bad idea (wish someone had told us that before the six week green light).

mandee0487 · July 2013

I had 2nd degree tears and tried at 4 weeks pp and it hurt. Tried again at 6 weeks, still hurt. We kept trying and it slowly got better. When I was 3 months pp I had a glass of wine one night and everything went great and it's been normal ever since! I second the advice on alcohol

laurenbell09 · July 2013

musicalmama5 said:

This might be TMI, but what positions have you tried? For us, it was best when I was on top and could control everything!

This is what I was going to ask. Positions maybe the culprit!

kristenncl · July 2013

Another update, because I am so upset, and anyone following this with the same issue should know:

Like I said before, the Dr. informed me that my irritation was excessive - more than what is considered normal for a recovering and breastfeeding mom at 4 months postpartum. So she prescribed Premarin, a vaginal cream, to help with healing. I specifically asked her if there was any risk of cancer from this cream, because of my family history and it being an estrogen-related product. She assured me that "No, because this is a topical product, not systemic. There is no need to worry about anything like that (cancer), or anything getting into your breast milk. " etc. So my husband and I filled the prescription and happily went home, thinking our troubles would soon be over. As a personal policy, I always do some of my own research before using anything medical, and good thing I did because I pulled up the website for Premarin and found big warnings about cancer and vaginal bleeding. So needless to say, I was so upset. Not only did the Dr. fail to screen me for this drug, not only did she fail to inform me of the serious risk involved, but she gave me false assurances of safety that directly contradict the warning label for the product. So I wound up with a really expensive prescription drug that I cannot use. Its a federal law that prescription drugs cannot be accepted as returns at pharmacies, even if unopened, but I called the pharmacy anyway and learned that since it is a cream I might be able to return it "depending on which pharmacist is on shift." At least I didn't use it.

Anyways, that's what has happened so far. Now I need some other solution, or just play the waiting game and hope it heals on its own. Any suggestions?

brandi6102 · July 2013

Thanks for the update. Unfortunately it sounds exactly like what happened to me with my first OBGYN after DD1

she also treated me for possible infections for the excessive irritation and gave me an estrogen gel which I also never tried bc I'm breast feeding.
My current OB has also seen excessive irritation and has said the lube may actually be contributing to it. My follow up appt is a few weeks away. I'm hoping to get more answers then!

kristenncl · July 2013

Thanks for sharing your experience. Let me know how it goes, and if you find anything that helps!

williams718 · August 2013

After reading this entire forum, I am not all that surprised that none of these OB doctors have mentioned vestibulodynia. My OB had no idea what to do with me. After 7 months post partum with no relief, I finally went to a specialist and she diagnosed me with:

https://www.vulvalpainsociety.org/vps/index.php/vulval-conditions/vestibulodynia

This book helps a lot: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0071546561/ref=oh_details_o07_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

I am currently in physical therapy for pelvic floor rehabilitation and we are going to address the pain once I am stronger and done breastfeeding.

Good luck ladies.

kristenncl · August 2013

Hey, at least we're not alone, right? Unfortunately, I haven't found anything. I'm hoping time will heal it. The biggest worry for me is that I will find something worth trying, and in the process of trying it might back-track any healing that might have occurred on its own in the past few months.

Ugh, what a predicament.

MandyJo18 · August 2013

Hello! My son is about 91/2 months old and it's still painful. I figured it was just b/c I was dry due to breastfeeding. I am sore during and after so it's kind of hard to really get in the mood. I feel so bad for my DH, even though he doesn't say a word. It doesn't help the fact that I am on antidepressants for PPD! After reading all of this I might just make an appointment with my OB to talk with her and see if anything is going on!

kristenncl · August 2013

This is definitely a difficult issue, not just physically but emotionally. I know it's been hard on my relationship with my husband. As many times as we read that our discomfort and lack of desire is linked to breastfeeding, it hardly helps. It hardly helps when my husband tells me I am just as beautiful and desirable to him now as when we first got married. It hardly helps when I stumble to try again to explain why I am not finding him sexually desirable. It hardly helps when I hurt him by shutting down his fragile attempts at rekindling intimacy. It hardly helps, and we are hurting, and I can only hope that things get better soon.

And to all the women out there, and the men, going through this with us - I hope that things get better soon for you too!

jgoss47 · June 2014

Another thing that you ladies might want to look up is vaginismus. I've been struggling with the same thing too, and my husband actually stumbled onto a vaginismus website, so we got the self-treatment kit and are in the middle of going through it. After 10 months pp with only trying sex a couple times (unsuccessfully) due to the pain, I'm really hoping this solves the problem. Best wishes to all of you ladies also!

Unknown · June 2014

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