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Working Moms
Snow1010
member
Church daycare but not religious?
Snow1010
member
in Working Moms
Honestly, I don't know what to consider DH and myself. I was NEVER exposed to religion growing up...was not part of my parents life so I wasn't really given the opportunity to decide for myself (although we did celebrate Christmas and Easter). DH was exposed as a child but never really cared much about it.
I feel a true atheist is very educated about religion and makes a conscious choice not to believe in God. So I tend to believe that DH and I are more agnostic.
Anyways, DD attends daycare at a church. We choose this daycare because several people recommended it, it's licensed with the state, the teachers have all been there for a very long time and we really liked it when we visited.
We enrolled DD when she was 14 months old so at that age I wasn't really concerned. Now that she's in the toddler room, I see on her papers that once a week they have bible story and sometimes go to chapel. This type of minimal exposure does not bother me at all. I need to ask what teachings take place as the kids get older, I have not addressed that yet.
I'm so torn....while we don't believe in God, should we give DD the opportunity to learn about religion and make her own choices? What if she wants to begin attending church. What if she gets confused/angry that her mom and dad are not religious.
Just curious if anyone else was/is in this same situation and how you handled it?
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Re: Church daycare but not religious?
agree.
When my kids are older, I want them to make their own informed decision re: religion. Exposure to different religions can be positive. I would be cautious of forced prayer time.
I would be very surprised if the preschool chapel sessions encourage children to pressure their parents into attending church. But are some loony churches out there - so maybe attend a service once just to make sure you feel comfortable with the overall message they convey?
But your child may enjoy church - I did as a kid - and could ask to go more often or ask to continue going even after she transitions to Kindergarten. Would you be ok with that? Aside for the time commitment, would you be ok with taking her once a month?
I was raised in one religion and still respect it very much but just can't bring myself to believe its claims. I later went on to join a different religion and I'm so grateful to my mother's efforts to cultivate my relationship with God; I think it paved the way for me to lead a religious life along a path I actually can full accept.
My DS attends a Lutheran daycare that is run out of a church. The religious aspect isn't an issue for us because we are Christians who attend church weekly anyway. They do attend chapel once a week once they move into the toddler room and pray before each meal. I don't get many coloring pages themed around Bible stories, but DS brought home a cut out of a coat with different colored paper glued to it meant to represent Joseph's coat, which indicate to me that they are being read Bible stories. He also sings easy little songs like Jesus Loves Me.
When it comes to wanting to know what beliefs they might be teaching, is the center affiliated with a specific type of faith? Lutheran's believe differently on a few things than I do, but overall they are the same. You can just look into that particular churches set of core beliefs. To think they aren't going to teach your kids the basic story of God creating the world is a little naive as that's a basic belief in any Christian faith.
We have looked mostly at church centers just b/c that is what is in our area for the most part; this included a synagogue and we are Methodist not Jewish.
For toddler care my 2nd choice was this Baptist school, 3rd choice was a Presbyterian school, my 1st choice was actually a secular montessorri school.
The Jewish center teaches older kids Hebrew which I think is super cool from a cultural standpoint. But for toddlers they are just closed too much b/c they close for Jewish holidays, regular federal holidays, and a lot of training.
Up until they are like maybe 4 years old, in each of these centers they really aren't getting into stuff that I consider controversial (they certainly aren't going to talk about gay rights or abortion, I wouldn't be too sure about them not talking about creationism in some form ie "God made you and me") and I don't expect the effects of any religious teachings to be super pronounced on any of the kids.
Meaning, I don't expect my kid to start saying they want to go to church b/c they sing Jesus Loves Me in music hour.
It does sort of depend on how the daycare works, though. The one Presbyterian school did kids chapel once a month starting at Pre-K 3. This doesn't bother me b/c my kid does go to church anyway, and any differences in teaching I can explain. But if you don't go at all, you might be uncomfortable with that format.
I'm surprised the include religion in the DC program as 90% of the ones by me do not.
We are 100% atheists and send DC to a preschool located in a temple - actually run by Rabbi's wife who used to teach K-2nd grade. There is zero religious instruction which is nice and its the top rated place near us because every worker is a retired teacher.
I would ask how what % of lessons are education based versus church lessons, I think every parent deserves to know that answer without a fight.
I agree that I don't think they will balk at answering that. A lot of parents will want to know for the opposite reason, too. Some parents send their kids to church based day care b/c they want their children to have church teachings as a part of their daily routine. So as a church they will not be surprised at the question.
There is a good possibility that they also have lots of people that go there that are members of their church, lots that are Christians of other denominations and faith systems, and some people that are completely different belief systems.
I would say 1- if you knew about this before you enrolled your child then it is a little to late to start thinking about if you agree with it or not, but if it really bothers you then look around for another situation. 2- if this is 'new' i would address this with the director and say that is it concerning enough that you want to pull your child out
Regardless of what you do, you will end up in the same situation in grade school when you child is exposed to all sorts of different beliefs. My friends have always handled it with 'different mommies & daddies believe in different things", or "isn't it awesome they have two mommies?" As far as the opportunity to learn about religion, they will get plenty of that in public school when they do world cultures and i would say anyone under the age of 12 isn't really making religious choices for themselves.
LO's father and I have a simple agreement- I do not bring LO to temple and he doesn't bring LO to church
Thanks for all the replies!
Because DD was so young when we enrolled her, I wasn't all that concerned about the religious aspect because she wouldn't understand at that age....and probably won't for a long time.
And honestly, I was hesitant to ask because I was nervous they would wonder why I'm asking...even though I wouldn't come right out and say "I'm not religious and don't want that pushed on my child". I've had a lot of experiences of being judged for not being religious and it really upsets me. Then again, it's my kid and asking these types of questions is completely acceptable.
Right now I'm happy with her daycare and before she moves into the next room I'll have a conversation with the teacher about their approach to religion.
I'm just torn overall on the subject. Exposing DD to something we don't believe so she at least has the opportunity to choose or exposing her to our own beliefs.
From my own personal experience, I was raised with no religion (my parents are Jewish and Protestant). My mom always said, "Well, you can decide what you believe when you're older." But how the heck can someone do that when they're not exposed to ANYTHING? Sure, I could have started studying all of the religions as an adult and then made a decision as to whether or not I thought any of them were a fit. But frankly, at that point, I didn't care enough to bother.
I did decide that I didn't want to raise my children that way. We are raising DS in a Protestant church (though DH was raised Catholic). He's been baptized and will attend Sunday school in the fall. I want him to have a fundamental base from which he can decide what path he wants to follow. Will he learn things that I might not believe? Sure. But I'm ok with that because I want him to have the knowledge to make an educated decision about his own beliefs. If he later decides he doesn't buy into any of it, that's ok.
Beyond the obvious religion part of it, I also think that being part of the church will give him a sense of community, show him the importance of helping others, and reinforce morals and values that he's learning at home. And that will be good for life, regardless of whether or not he sticks with religion!
I am a United Methodist (protestant) pastor and we have a weekday school--so not exact same as a daycare, but similar--at our church. First, it's totally normal, in my experience, for people to ask about religious instruction that is (or isn't) part of the program. They should be able to tell you what sorts of things they do and how they do it. We hadn't been including any religious ed till this year, and our director of Christian education does story time once a month. She's fielded lots of questions from parents, and it hasn't been an issue. One thing it may be helpful to find out what the relationship is between the school and the church--i.e. are they technically the same organization, and what oversight does the church have. This may be a good or bad thing--sometimes (though certainly not always) pastors have a bit more experience navigating people with different viewpoints, so if you felt you weren't getting the answers you wanted from the school, if the school and church are closely tied, you could also reach out to the pastors. But the relationship differs from place to place.
I do premarital counseling with couples in all sorts of positions in terms of their views, including couples with very different views (whatever the views it's usually easiest if parents agree or are close on their views). What I usually suggest to them is to talk through how they'll respond in common situations, like what if your child hears about God from a friend--let alone a school. You're likely to be in the best position if you know what stories they're doing at the school and can be prepared in case your child has questions. It may not come up, but you'll likely feel more prepared, and ultimately, you want to be the one who teaches your child about religious beliefs--I feel the same about my own child who we ARE raising in the church--even Christians have different views on things. So I'd just ask questions and be prepare to explain what you and SO believe. A kid that young will follow your lead. The stories as taught to small children are generally so vague and I think come off about like fairy tales to them. Unless you're reinforcing the lessons, or choose to have your child more involved in religious education, they're likely to take it AT MOST like reading about Cinderella and fairy godmothers.
It is very difficult to expect a child to come to their own decisions about faith without being exposed to SOMETHING. Generally, the kids I know who come to church without their parents being really into it are those who come with grandparents (occasionally friends, but rarely). If you aren't into being part of a faith community, it would be hard to imagine your child would be, so that's probably not a big issue you'll face. If that wasn't the case, churches (the crazy ones at least) would be standing outside preschools and elem. schools luring kids with lollipops and children's Bibles :-)
On the flip side, I do know a lot of adults who have come to be involved in church but weren't as kids (usually they had some exposure due to a friend or relative) whose parents now, seeing what a difference it makes for them, say they wish they'd taken them more as a child. But I suspect there are even more for whom it wasn't an issue and never became one.
So in all, just ask. All parents, no matter their religious orientation, should be entitled to know. As a Christian, I'd be just as interested to ask as I think I might be even if I wasn't. Nothing wrong with asking. If they won't answer, or if they give you a hard time or you feel like you're being judged, that's not a great place to have your kid anyway (I wouldn't want my child in a place where she/I or others were criticized for our religious beliefs). Good luck! I'm sure you're not at all the only parent there who has the same questions.
DH and I are not religious by choice and we faced this a couple of years ago when trying to find daycare for DS1. Our thoughts are that, once DS is older and able to think more critically, we're fine with exposing him to different religions. We're not comfortable with exposing him right now.
It was extremely difficult to find high-quality, affordable, available secular childcare in our area (in the mountains of the Bible belt), but it eventually worked out.
You really need to figure out what your goals are and what you're comfortable with.
I know what you mean. I've been judged for being religious and it really upsets me too (it's the worst, I find, when it's family).
But I think they will not mind you asking about the instruction one bit. Or at least they shouldn't. You don't have to say why you are asking, and even if it comes up, if you get a negative vibe from them, that is a sign they a) may not be the right place for you and b) aren't practicing what they (should) be preaching, kwim?