NBR: Wedding Seating Etiquette

BlondieBia21 · July 2013

Hi girls-

I know that this is a wedding question, but I feel more comfortable asking on this board since I've responded to some and really value the opinions you girls have. My FI and I are expecting our first 8/25 (which is why I'm on this board.). Our wedding is 11/30/13. Our venue can hold 300 tightly, fitting 10 to each table. We don't know if it's proper etiquette to have a seating arrangement, or not to. I feel like they're grown adults, I don't need to tell them where to sit. But, at the same time, we know that we have to use every chair. We are worried of people sitting and there being one empty chair in between them. The majority of people we invited were couples/or had plus 1's, so there aren't too many people coming individually. We will be needing all the chairs to be taken, and don't want people having to be standing or not having a seat because people left an empty chair between others.

With all that said, is it okay to make a seating arrangement to avoid this issue? Or, does anyone have an idea on how to make it known that every seat needs to be taken? This is obviously planning in advance, we haven't sent invitations yet but have sent save the dates. I know based on the RSVP numbers, we could maybe not have this issue. I was just wanting to get some ideas ahead of time to see and know what is the proper etiquette with seating arrangements. TIA!

Valie18 · July 2013

We told people which table they were at but not what chair to sit in. It worked great.

G&L with the LO! Happy planning!

Empireceo · July 2013

We also designated tables but not specific chairs. I think most people will realize not to leave one chair empty between people or to move down one as people fill in. Good luck and congrats!

jy725 · July 2013

I'm all for a seating arrangement. The last wedding that I went to did not have one and for the first hour, that was what everyone was complaining about. I felt really bad for the bride and groom that guests were being so negative but it was annoying not knowing where to go. The brides grandma was kind of wandering around looking at the tables desperate to find her name.

Texasmomma13 · July 2013

When I planned our wedding in 2011 I did table assignments but not seats. I think I remember reading somewhere at the time that if you do open seating, plan to provide 10% more seating than needed. I'm not sure where I got that but it was most probably TK. I was VERY active on there. They also have a seating arrangement tool that helped me a lot. If you haven't looked you should check it out. Good Luck!

Helenahhandbasket · July 2013

Joy2611:
Please make a seating chart (tables, not chairs!)
It feels like a high school cafeteria when you walk in if there isn't one. People have to join together, organize, and stress over getting everyone at the same table or tables near each other. It's so much less stress to walk in, drop your coat, and grab a drink because you know your "home" spot for the reception.
If you do go for open seating, you're going to need more seating than actual guests. People recommend about 10% more. Your venue might not even allow that for kind of leeway, leading to more stress in your guests.

What Joy said.

kennazebrowsky · July 2013

Because it is a large event definitely have assigned tables. I went to a wedding a couple of years ago and we ended up leaving the reception without ever eating or even hanging out because every table we went to had people saving seats for their friends or family members. We felt awkward and uncomfortable.

BlondieBia21 · July 2013

Thank you everyone! I didn't even think to do a table arrangement! All I kept thinking was I would have to give a seating chart like we did in 2nd grade where the teacher told me who I couldn't sit by. HA! Thank you very much, I already feel much better about the situation!

graciesmurf · July 2013

With 300 guests you need a seating chart with assigned tables. Open seating only works with more intimate receptions.

I had open seating at my wedding, but we had 100 chairs for what ended up being 72 guests (we had planned on 80). We only heard positive things about the set up, but our guests might have complained privately.

cassandrae913 · July 2013

What everyone else said. I have only been to one wedding with no table assignments...and that wedding only had chairs for 1/2 the guests because the bride felt not everyone would be sitting at the same time, and people could perch on stone walls (it was in a backyard). There were over 200 people and it was a zoo. No one wants to sit on a dirty stone wall in a nice dress balancing dinner on their lap.

We just did table numbers, it made it simple. I also second using the knot table seating chart. It allows you to move people as pairs or singles around the room.

rpalen29 · July 2013

As PP's have said; just give them a table number, not a seat. We had 100 people at our wedding and it turned out fine. If you had 300 people I would definitely think about assigning people to tables.

wittyschaffy · July 2013

Yay table assignments!! I have been to a large reception without one and it was an enormous mess. Even the smaller ones without them can get sticky. I have also been to one that the SEATS were assigned - I got seated next to my ex-boyfriend's parents (it was a high school friend's wedding and a lot of our mutual friends parents were also invited). It was awful and I found a new spot as soon as dinner was done. I think the bride figured I knew them and would be able to chat with them so I see the rationale behind the decision but man was it awkward!

EastCoastBride · July 2013

Estwd2:
Dear God, yes, assign tables. I've only been to one wedding where they didn't have table assignments because they thought it would be more laid back, and it was a huge clusterfvck. People moved chairs around to sit with friends, so you had empty tables and tables with 20 people crowded around. Not a good idea.

This has been my experience too.

And luckily our little group looked approachable - one woman who was there on her own didn't know where to sit. She came up to us and ask if she could join us, and we had a great time talking to her. But I can't imagine if you're not that bold, how insanely uncomfortable going to a non-assigned table wedding would be.

Liz4444 · July 2013

I have never been to a wedding that didn't have table assignments. I can only imagine what a sh11t show that would be.

ebp913 · July 2013

Valie18:
We told people which table they were at but not what chair to sit in. It worked great.
G&L with the LO! Happy planning!

This. I think it's easier to be told where to go than to wander around and figure it out for yourself.

shortstuff15 · July 2013

I've been to many a wedding where there was no seating arrangement and none, and I repeat none, of them had issues. People were mature enough to know not to move chairs around and not to leave a chair between them.

That said, as much as I hate seating arrangements, in your situation I think it would be a good thing. Tell people which table they are at and then let them figure it out from there.

At our wedding we reserved tables for immediate family (so siblings and parents/grandparents) so we ended up reserving 4 tables at the front. The rest was open seating. It was great.

Any wedding I've been too with a seating arrangement, I am always with people I don't know well or at all, or the group of people that I do know well (whether friends or family) is always split into 3 or 4 different tables across the room from each other. So please, if you do a seating arrangement, please put people who know each other in the same vicinity as each other.

MMason12 · July 2013

Any wedding over 100 people should have a seating chart by table, not by seat. I am sure everyone at the table can figure out that every seat must be taken when 1) 10 people show up sit at the table and 2) all the places are set at the table.

Good luck!!!

diamondduck13 · July 2013

Do assign tables by friend groups as best you can. I recently went to a seated dinner wedding where the bride and groom obviously intentionally mixed people up as much as possible. Once we were free to get up and find our friends again, we all agreed it was a disappointment to sit making small talk with strangers instead of the fun we were expecting of catching up with our friends who we don't get to see as much as we would like.

EastCoastBride · July 2013

dhviel:
People were mature enough to know not to move chairs around and not to leave a chair between them.

Clearly this isn't the case across the board as evidenced by what others said.... It's great that it's always worked out at weddings you've gone to, but sadly there are a LOT of people who move chairs, etc.

But to dhviel's other statement and:

diamondduck13:
Do assign tables by friend groups as best you can. I recently went to a seated dinner wedding where the bride and groom obviously intentionally mixed people up as much as possible.

YES!!! A cousin of DHs wanted to "mix the families" at their reception. While well intentioned, we were never going to see these people again and as DHs family is all over the country, we really wanted to sit w/ HIS family to catch up, etc.

Don't mix. Seat people that know each other together or as close together as you can. And for people who are the "odd man out", try to seat them w/ people you think they'll get along with.

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