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February 2012 Moms
MrMrsandBaby
member
Can I just say something? (whine/vent/confession)
MrMrsandBaby
member
This is old, I have posted it before but it is on my mind again.
I didn't get a chance to be excited about my pregnancy. The day I found out I was pregnant with Allison is the same day FIL went into the hospital - he never came out. I'm not joking, I was in the bathroom POAS and DH was on the phone with the hospital FIL was in.
FIL died before we could tell him about Allison. So, literally, from day one of my pregnancy with Allison, everything was overshadowed by FIL's illness and passing. Even now, DH is still working on settling the estate (so close) and it just re-opens old wounds every time. DH has not gotten over it of course, but I feel like he missed out on the good times of the pregnancy because of his dad.
I worry that when he looks at Allison, he is reminded of his dad and that makes me so sad. I'm heartbroken that his father came so close but will never know our children, and I can only imagine how much harder it is for him.
Here is the confession part: I was on the fence about TTC #2 or being OAD. But what pushed me over the edge was wanting to have that excitement with DH about the pregnancy. So I must not have been leaning toward OAD because it wouldn't have been that easy to make a decision if I was right?
This has no real relevance to anything, I just needed to get it out.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Can I just say something? (whine/vent/confession)
I can't imagine going through what you and your H have gone through! I'm sure it's extremely rough. However, I very seriously doubt that he looks at Allison and is reminded of his father passing! The 2 probably aren't even on the same wave length for him. Yeah, maybe he looks at her and thinks oh I wish dad could've met her...but I doubt he sees her in a negative relation to that time of his life. And I doubt that you were really thinking OAD if it was an easy decision to want another...like you said.
Here's where I can kind of relate to the situation. My Papa Jack was sick with cancer for a very, very long time. When I found out I was pregnant, he was sooooooo excited. He couldn't wait to meet Ian. He insisted the he buy the car seat because Ian needed to be riding around in a "Cadillac"...his words! Told me I better buy the best of the best, he didn't care how much it cost, Ian was worth every penny(ftr, I didn't really buy a cadillac car seat, I bought a more practical, but nice one). Well, Papa Jack didn't make it to see Ian. He passed away 3 days before Halloween...so he missed it by 3 1/2 months. I look at Ian a lot and think Papa Jack would've loved him, and I think of him often when I get Ian in and out of his car seat. However, it's not a thought of sadness, but of how excited he was. Of how much he would've loved Ian. And we'll see him again some day! So, though the situation is a little bit different, I don't think your H sees Allison and relates it to sadness.
My nephew was born and one week later both my parents passed away. It's now 8 years later and I can see how many amazing things my brother sees when he looks at his son.
As for your decision to not be OAD, people have tons of reasons for making that decision. If you felt firmly you wanted OAD, you would have chosen that. I'm sure your H will love living through his child's young life without his attention being pulled towards something so sad.
BFP 3.8.16 EDD 11.20.16