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Older Children and New Babies

mhwoodmhwood member
in Blended Families

Hi All!
It's been a while since I've posted here, but lots of things have happened...one of the more exciting things is that my husband and I are expecting our first child together, I am currently 4 months along.

My daughter from a previous relationship is 16.5 years old and has always been a wonderful child.  However, since telling her about the pregnancy, she has rebelled completely and essentially "run away" to her boyfriend's house.

We have talked to a couple of professionals and opted to not pressure her into returning home. We talk to each other daily, I've in regular contact with her boyfriend's parents, she is sleeping in the living room on a pull out couch, she comes home to sleep 2 or 3 nights a week. 

How can we make this adjustment easier for her? I don't want to shove the fact that we are having a baby down her throat, so when she is around I don't even talk about it. I feel like I am at a loss and I would love to hear from other moms/dads who are in a blended family situation about how they dealt with having children with their new spouse.

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Re: Older Children and New Babies

  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    How old is the boyfriend and what are his parents thinking that they let a 16yearold girlfriend of their sons live with them?
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • mhwoodmhwood member

    Oh I know...trust me.  He is 17 and a sweet kid.

    The mother loves her, she always wanted a daughter and only had 2 sons.

    I spoke with the counselors at her school, a police officer that works with the school and a psychologist that specializes in adolescents, and they all told me not to push her to bring her home because it will drive her away more.  

     

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  • CurlieWhirlieCurlieWhirlie member
    If you know the boyfriend's family and feel comfortable with the amount of contact you have with them and her on a regular basis, then I think you're doing the right thing letting her stay away. She obviously needs some "alone time" to process, it's kind of like a younger kid going to his or her room to cool off. And a very wise woman I know says that if your kids are good kids before they hit the "rebellious" stage, they will find their way back. Good luck, this must be hard for you! Hang in there, I hope you are getting a lot of support from your husband.
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  • mhwoodmhwood member

    We knew we got off lucky.  She made it to 16.5 before we started to get attitude.

    We had a feeling the pregnancy would cause issues for her based on her experience with my ex.  After he and his girlfriend had kids, he stopped visiting her...they haven't had regular visitation in over 3 years. 

    One of the first things she said when she found out was that he was going to leave her to.  

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  • MrsHetzelMrsHetzel member
    I'm sorry you're going through this. Hope things work out sooner rather than later!
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  • Uza03Uza03 member
    I personally think she is playing you. Guilt trips work at all ages. She knows she can get whateverv she wants from you guys right now. Just a thought. 
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