When do you relax?

MissMeegs · July 2013

I know the real answer is that you never "relax," even after baby is born. But I guess my question is for those who are a lot farther along--do you ever stop being convinced that your pregnancy is somehow doomed?

I'm 14w2d, I've had several ultrasounds, I have never so much as spotted, and I have no reason to suspect anything is wrong. But my mother pointed out to me that since she's throwing a shower rather early on in the pregnancy (my parents are moving in early October and she wanted to get it in before the move), I need to register by mid-August.

This sent me into a flat out panic. I will only be 4.5 months pregnant! Registering? What if something goes wrong? I will be 24 weeks exactly the day of the shower. This all just feels like it's not really happening. I have a doctor's appointment this week and like every other time I've gone in I've been both excited but also secretly apprehensive that this will be when the other shoe is going to drop.

Does this feeling ever fade? My husband also wants to get an early start on the nursery, since we are doing some minor upgrades to the room, redoing the ligh fixtures, newer electric outlets, etc. I told him I don't want him to start on this until after 24 weeks, and he thinks I'm cray. Am I?

daisy19782011 · July 2013

I don't have an answer for you. I had a late loss and am now in a very high risk pregnancy with twins in the same sac, so I won't ever relax. I don't know that I will have baby showers now or even feel comfortable ording furniture or nursery stuff. I'm a mess obviously!

BuckyC · July 2013

To be honest, I still worry even at 33 weeks. What I will say, though, is that it has gotten better for me as this pregnancy has progressed. I've tried to take comfort in small milestones like passing my loss date, hitting 20 weeks, etc. But I know I won't be at ease until my baby arrives and is in my arms. Of course, then a new set of worries will commence!

babystoli · July 2013

I didn't relax really until after my anatomy scan. My sister kept asking about the shower & things... and I think I registered around then (20-24 wks). I didn't order the crib until 2-3 weeks ago (I knew it was in stock, and the warehouse for the company I ordered it from is only 15 min away!)

I made LOTS of lists (I have a master excel spreadsheet for all things mom/pregnancy related), and put off doing most of what was on the list until 30 weeks (mostly b/c work became less crazy).

My DH wanted everything done in the room ASAP... so I can commiserate! If the structural things for the room are going to be done eventually anyway... maybe compromise and start there. Keep painting/decorating/etc until after 24 weeks, but do electrical/structural upgrades now (and that will give your DH something to keep him occupied, too!).

musicteach78 · July 2013

While I'm considerably more relaxed at this point, a slow movement day or just feeling off can throw me into a tizzy. We still haven't registered, made any nursery plans or even thought about names because of that. I'm not sure if I'll ever feel comfortable doing these things either, but I'm happy I'm not as much of a wreck as I was around 12 weeks....

magdalina.h · July 2013

My kid is 2 1/2 and I'm still not relaxed. Thanks PTSD and anxiety. I became calmer once I passed the milestone of when Aidan was born and once we passed the milestone of when he passed.

BVeilleux1986 · July 2013

I agree. I don't think you ever "relax" but I do believe that after certain milestones breathing become just a little easier. For me I had an impromptu ultrausound d/t severe cramping and horrible BM's but not bleeding (thank goodness) and once the doctor said he could see the heartbeat I felt a lot of tension go away (last time there was a normal size birth sac but no baby). Now we're taking it one week at a time, the next milestone for me is at 10.5weeks when I m/c last year.

LexyLa5 · July 2013

Still not relaxed :-/

jessie1516 · July 2013

I have been through two losses. The first was a missed miscarriage discovered at my first ultrasound when they couldn't find the heartbeat. The second was at 23 weeks, baby had trisomy 18 discovered by ultrasound then confirmed with amnio. With this pregnancy, in the beginning I feared that he wouldn't have a heartbeat. Then when he did, I feared that the anatomy scan would find all kinds of problems. Now I'm 36 weeks and fear a stillbirth. It never goes away. I think it became slightly easier after the anatomy scan and the materniT21 test, but there was still always this voice in the back of my mind that said "now what's going to go wrong?" But here I am, and when that voice pops into my head I push it out. My first few appts I had high blood pressure but after the anatomy scan everything has been fine. The doc says my pregnancy is textbook and asked what I've been doing. I think it's because I just push that voice out. I wont listen to it. Fear isn't going to help anything. It's just going to cause you to freak out, have high blood pressure, cause stress for yourself and your baby, and it's not going to fix anything if it is wrong. It is EXTREMELY hard not to listen to that little voice but at the same time I want to look back and think of how excited and happy I was, not how scared. I just keep praying and thanking God for every day that I get to spend with my son and I beg for many years to come.

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