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Washington Babies
In Laws vent (long)
So I know this is a bit delayed but I am having issues moving past what my in laws did during my pregnancy/labor/delivery/recovery. ?For those of you who haven't read my posts over the last few years on issues I have had with them, this is typical of their behavior but I have always let stuff go. ?
During Pregnancy:
?When we had the big ultrasound they wanted to come but we said no because we wanted to keep it private. ?MIL said we were selfish and when we called to tell them the sex she said she didn't give a sh*t because we ruined it for her.
?We picked the middle name (Sierra) after my grandma who died when I was 3. ?MIL had a hissy fit for weeks and said that because she didn't give a sh*t about my grandma she was going to tell her friends that the middle name was after her father. ?(She has actually told people that)
?So stuff like that was quite normal for her but here's the stuff I can't seem to get past.
?When we got to the hospital and made sure I was admitted DH called both of our parents because they wanted to come and wait. ?So they all come and say hi and somehow end up hanging out in my room. ?At first it's not a big deal but after like an hour or so I was starting to feel loopy from the epi and wanted people to leave. My parents had no problem going to the waiting room but both DH and SIL were trying to get MIL out and she told me I was fine and could handle visitors. She finally left (after yelling at both DH and SIL.)
About an hour or so later DH and I wake up from a nap and MIL is in there on her cell phone. ?DH again tells her to leave and she starts telling him that she is too good for the waiting room and if she has to stay there then she is going to go home. ?DH says fine, go home we will call when baby is here and after we spend an hour or so with baby alone she can come in and meet her granddaughter. ?MIL then goes off about how selfish we are for hoarding the baby when she is born and how she has a right to see her as soon as she is born. ?This little tirade goes on and on for a few minutes and she once again leaves with FIL and goes home. ?At this point its probably like 10pm on Sunday night. ??
?We then go on to warn all of our nurses and Dr not to let them back in the room. ?
?Midnight rolls around and guess who is back. ?She comes into room to say that she will suck it up and stay in the waiting room and pray that we let her see baby as soon as she is born. ??Again, not going to happen. ?So she goes to the waiting room.
?About half an hour later it's time to start pushing. ?So, like 2 hours or so into the pushing I hear her voice outside the room. ?This was horrible timing because my epi wore off and I was feeling EVERYTHING. ?She is yelling at the nurse to let her in and when she isn't allowed she yells a few profanities at the nurse, tells her she is going to report her and once again gets FIL and goes home.?
So DD is born and after my tear is sewn up I am taken to the OR because of hemmoraging and Dr doesn't know why bleeding isn't stopping. ?So at this point I have a fever, just got done pushing for almost 5 hours, being in OR for an hour or so getting more stitches and just wanting to relax and hold my baby and guess who is in room holding baby...MIL.
So I ask to hold my baby and she was like "when I am done." ?At this point I am way too tired and lost way too much blood to argue. ?FIL was asking about the labor and what happened in the OR and while I was telling him MIL said I'm fine and to get over it because it's not like I had a c-section. ?
?
That night in-laws show up at hospital w/out calling of course, with 5 of their friends so they can meet the baby. ?I was holding her and when MIL asked if she could have her I said we just got her calmed down and to sleep after having blood drawn for biliruben and to wait a bit. ?She walks over to FIL, says its time to leave and there is no point in being there if she can't hold her baby. While she is still in the room with us and her friends she calls SIL to say she is at the hospital but we are hoarding the baby and how she is glad she has one unselfish child.
?So FF to us getting home. ?DH gets a call the day after we are home from FIL saying he needs to talk about the situation with MIL. ?He says MIL's feelings are hurt and she is upset because we "ruined her labor experience" and took away crucial bonding time between grandma and granddaughter. ?He goes on to say how rude it was that I wouldn't let MIL hold baby when she came and that I was being anti-social to them when I got out of the OR. ?FIL also tells me that because of the reasons above I should call MIL and apologize so we can all be peaceful. ?
Also, I learned later from my parents that in-laws yelled at my dr, threatened to report her to the medical board, and complained to every person in the waiting room about how shitty DH and I are for not sharing the experience with them.
So DH had a convo with his mom and put her in her place but with this on top of everything that happened in the past I'm just having issues moving on. ?
Sorry about the super long post but I had to get that out!?
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Re: In Laws vent (long)
Holy shit dude! Your MIL is a piece of work! Like on that belongs in the loony bin for the next 10 years of her life!
I would seriously have a hard time getting over all that crap too! As for "hoarding the baby" um, its your child, not hers! What a crack!
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Holy crap! I thought my MIL's pouting and hurt feelings were annoying. I'm really sorry that her bad behavior may have ruined your birth experience.... and yours is the one that matters. It's nice when someone wants to be involved, but this was ridiculous. I can see why it's hard to get past this. She should be apologizing to you and not sending her servant to tell you that you should make peace. <eyeroll>
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Married 10/5/08 | 2 yrs of TTC, tests, procedures & a m/c | IVF #2 =James!
Thanks ladies! ?I'm glad I'm not crazy and that stuff isn't normal. ?I love my DH but because its his family it doesn't seem as bad to him. ?
And thanks Tiff! ?I was hoping someone would say I was justified in not moving past it till after the holidays and avoiding them :-)?
I think it's absolutely ridiculous that this woman thinks any of it was about her. I can't believe your FIL thinks she's not loony.
I am impressed that you haven't slapped her yet. Seriously. If she said anything like that to me about my own child, I would have slapped her silly. And there is no way I would let her in my house or near my child. I'd let DH see her if he wanted to, but there's no way I would ever see her. I don't care. She's ridiculous.
The only actually constructive thing I can think of is to go to some sort of family counselling for the four of you. Someone outside of the group needs to talk some sense into this woman. It doesn't sound like anyone gives her the truth, or at least not anyone that she'll listen to.
Seriously though, I would cut her out of my life until she comes to her senses.
Your MIL is crazy! Crap, I thought my MIL was a beast for throwing some of her fits, but yours takes the cake. I can't believe she yelled at the doctors. Could they not have had security escort her out at that point?
I have the same issues moving on as you do. I still hate to visit the IL's cuz she's annoying to me, but I'm working on it. I don't have a great piece of advice for you, but I wanted to tell you that I feel for you and that I hope things get better.
Yikes...and I thought my MIL was bad
We are currently dealing with the issue of my MIL wanting to be in the room while I labor. She said "It's not fair that the other grandma will get to be in there but I cant". Whatever. It's not about them. It's about me being able to get this baby out quickly and safely. And I know that my mom can comfort me more then anyone. (She knows how to rub my head just right, even better then DH! haha)
Anyway, I hope things get better for you guys, but honestly I'm not sure I'd be able to get over all of those things either. She sounds crazy.
DD born 1/5/09.BFP-1/6/11 MC at 6 weeks
Wow, Carrie. ?I can honestly say that is the most ridiculous shit I've ever heard. ?That goes well beyond inappropriate and unreasonable into straight up c.r.a.z.y. ?How exactly was the birth of YOUR daughter about her?? ?What a b!tch. ?I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.
Jill may be right - an objective third party may be the only way to get through to her. ?Though she may listen to your DH giving her hell about her behavior, I would bet that it will only further the divide between you and her. ?And then she will probably just play the victim even more.
I wish I had some solid advice for you. ?I hope it gets easier. ?Good luck!
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I'm SO sorry. I know how you feel. My MIL is a total nut too. I can hardly stand being in the same room with her these days. There was some drama surrounding the birth and my MIL too and I'm still not really over it. I guess I'm really no help.
((HUGS))
OMFG. Do you want me to smear anything on your MIL's car? Pine sap. Cat poo. Nail polish... We can get the preggo angry mob together.
That is unreal. ?I wish I had advice for you, but the only thing I can think at this point is that your adorable sweet baby needs a sane mommy (and doesn't need to be around an insane grandma) so for your own sake, do what you need to do - including taking a time out from MIL. ?Even if her feelings get hurt, its not about her - its about you, your DH, and your baby.
I'm so so sorry that your birth experience included a crazy woman...its not right!?
It sounds like you have been more than gracious and patient with her crazy antics and she continues to take advantage of that. I would absolutely take some time for your little family together without MIL. She needs to back-off and if she will not do that on her own, it's up to you and your DH to create some distance.
We had to do something similar with DH's mom recently. We had some drama in the beginning and MIL was acting really selfish. She told DH that she only wants to see our DD, not us. She said she needs time to bond with her... Geez! What is it with these MIL's thinking they need special bonding time. DH told her we would let her know when we were ready and the time was right. So far, it hasn't been. Once we are feeling more comfortable, we will plan to see her with us and DD. Until then, we are taking a much needed break. I wish it didn't have to be that way, but we need to be respected and protect our family.
Oh. My. Gawd.
And I thought MY MIL is bad (she does similar sort of stuff to your MIL, but not THIS bad....)
Sister, I don't even know what to say to that - and you are PERFECTLY justified in not being past it yet. I would honestly suggest counseling for you and DH, so you can move past it and not waste any emotional energy being mad at this woman.
And should you want to salvage any relationship with this dingbat, I'd say group counseling is the only way. Make it a condition of her seeing your daughter.
Seriously - she's a dingbat.
And...who knows what I really would have done if I'd been in your shoes in the moment you were wheeled back to your room, but honestly, I think I would have gone quite literally berserk and there might have been physical violence. Seriously.