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vent from a newbie

MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
in Blended Families
So i posted about this on the a13 boardand they refered me to you ladies for some advice and support.

Im currently 37 weeks pregnant with ds. Im not with his bio dad but i do have an amazing boyfriend who loves me and loves ds like his own. Back when i found out i was pregnant and told bd he said he wanted nothing to do with ds. I accepted that and moved on with life. Started school rekibdled my relationship with bf, he was my high school sweetheart, and started preparing to be a ftm.

I hadnt heard from bd in months till a couple weeks ago when he texted me to tell me his on again off again wife were expecting again and due in november. I congratulated him and expressed my well wishes for the mother. Didnt hear from him after that.

Last night he facebooked me telling me him and his wife? Had seperated and he was going to file for divorce. I told him i was sorry to hear that. But for me this is the fourth time theyve filed and their still married i didnt know what he wanted.

He then drops this ball on me that he wants us to be a family for our childs sake. I calmly responded i would love to work something out for him to be involved with ds but im very happy in my relationship with my bf. He then tells me he wants nothing to do with ds if him and i arent together.

No, this is not how this works. And having been screwed because he went back to his wife right before i found out i was expecting i dont need that drama from him. I would love for him to be involved with ds, but i want nothing more than to be distant civil and curteous with him.

Sorry about the long rant post
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Re: vent from a newbie

  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    Thanks. I still plan on putting him on the bc but ill keep my dostance from him and his drama.
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  • Sunday924Sunday924 member

    imageLAMuehlen:
    Thanks. I still plan on putting him on the bc but ill keep my dostance from him and his drama.

    Personally I would leave him off. He seems like a loser and I wouldn't want that anywhere near my child. He seems like the type that will be in and out at his own pleasing and that will cause nothing but heartache for your son.

     

    utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Getting Pregnant">Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • SigirSigir member
    imageSunday924:

    imageLAMuehlen:
    Thanks. I still plan on putting him on the bc but ill keep my dostance from him and his drama.

    Personally I would leave him off. He seems like a loser and I wouldn't want that anywhere near my child. He seems like the type that will be in and out at his own pleasing and that will cause nothing but heartache for your son.

     



    Ita! Really consider why you are thinking of putting him on the birth certificate. Is it bc you feel that is the right thing to do? Well, he forfeited that automatic right when he cheated on his wife, dumped you when you were pregnant, and is now trying to manipulate you into getting back w him. Don't fall for his manipulation... There is no reason he has to be on the certificate. Don't do something that may end up biting you in the butt. Think it through carefully.
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    Oh man. You got PG by your married boyfriend and have a new guy that loves you unborn child like his own before you even had the baby. You seem to be in a point in life where you are making a lot of mistakes. Talk to a lawyer about what to do. As for your wonderful boyfriend who loves your child like his own. Maybe he is wonderful and will always treat your kid awesome but since the child is not even born and you have been broken up with your ex for 7 months or less I would say only time will tell how the relationship with the unborn child and the new Daddy you found for him.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • Lavender PLavender P member
    imageLittlejen22:
    Oh man. You got PG by your married boyfriend and have a new guy that loves you unborn child like his own before you even had the baby. You seem to be in a point in life where you are making a lot of mistakes. Talk to a lawyer about what to do. As for your wonderful boyfriend who loves your child like his own. Maybe he is wonderful and will always treat your kid awesome but since the child is not even born and you have been broken up with your ex for 7 months or less I would say only time will tell how the relationship with the unborn child and the new Daddy you found for him.

    I second this...
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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  • sfeebs13sfeebs13 member
    imageJNL$LSM:
    imagechattychiqa:
    imageSigir:
    imageSunday924:

    imageLAMuehlen:
    Thanks. I still plan on putting him on the bc but ill keep my dostance from him and his drama.

    Personally I would leave him off. He seems like a loser and I wouldn't want that anywhere near my child. He seems like the type that will be in and out at his own pleasing and that will cause nothing but heartache for your son.

    Ita! Really consider why you are thinking of putting him on the birth certificate. Is it bc you feel that is the right thing to do? Well, he forfeited that automatic right when he cheated on his wife, dumped you when you were pregnant, and is now trying to manipulate you into getting back w him. Don't fall for his manipulation... There is no reason he has to be on the certificate. Don't do something that may end up biting you in the butt. Think it through carefully.
    LA, I was trying to refrain from giving unsolicited advice since you came to vent... But I do want to point out that should your situation change or progress with BF, adoption will be a lot easier with a blank field there. Should X step up and surprise you, you can always add him after the fact. Just a little loving nudge. You have some time to consider things. That's all.

    Yes I agree 100% weclome August 2013.

    Sorry for the long quote tree, but I agree with the other Aug13 posters here. 

    You want to do what is best for you and your LO.. legally sometimes its hard, but it will be better for you in the long run.

    DF and I are not planning on getting married until next year, LO will have his last name and he will be on the BC but not because he's entitled to or because I feel like its the right thing to do.. We have an excellent relationship and love each other very much, but there's still those out there that say I shouldn't because we are not married yet. Legally, it could make things hard for me in some ways, and if something were to ever happen to me before we got married it might be hard for my parents to be able to help make decisions for LO.

    I think it will be better for you in the long run to leave him off the BC, but again thats completely up to you. Do take the time to consider all your options and do your research!

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