Question for SAHMs

aehamilton13 · July 2013

How did you make your decision to be a SAHM? I'm so torn. My plan has always been to go back to work, but I've had the idea of being a SAHM in the back of my mind for some time, and DH and I had a big talk about the option tonight. We could afford it, but we'd definitely have to make some lifestyle changes.. I just don't know how to decide. Maybe it'll be an easier decision once Hunter is actually here?

provwife · July 2013

FTM here...After finding out we are pregnant, my husband and I couldn't think of anyone else we wanted watching, raising or influencing our child more than us. I also want to enjoy raising my child and see every "first" and really be involved in their life. I feel that by us having a baby, my job is to be a full time mother to that baby. We also want to homeschool eventually so we found the opportunity for me to stay home and took it! I understand it isn't for everyone but this has been my goal since I've been a kid myself so I couldn't be happier with this decision.

Abeille · July 2013

I hadn't planned on it. In fact I thought it was something I thought I would never want. My husband and I were also in a position to go down to one salary b/c my work group was relocating and I preferred to take a package than move. The plan was for me to be able to take my time finding another job, but I found out I was pregnant with DD. For me the deciding factor was my work wasn't very fulfilling for me and the sole reason I would have gone back was for money.

We have made some sacrifices, but it has been the right decision for our family. It was also a big adjustment for me b/c no one I knew locally was a sahm...I had to find a whole new group of friends and it was isolating at times.

Chances are when this one is a bit older I'll look for part time work, maybe even in a different field, we'll see. The reason for that is we'd like a larger home and more income would help.

arlingirl · July 2013

I'm only staying home for a year or two.

It was a very tough decision to make. We already were living pretty simply, just because the first year or so of our relationship, DH didn't have a steady job. We just decided to start saving all of his paycheck as much as possible back in January so we would have a nice saving cushion. There's just things we will sacrifice: dinners out, movies, vacations, etc and we are ok with that.

It definitely helped me feel better to make the decision that after my gas to work, insurance, and child care I would be working for practically nothing to show for it.

I'm not gonna lie...I've always had a job so this is very scary for me. I'm still going to do photography and if I start going nuts I'll look for something part-time after Christmas.

blueturkey12 · July 2013

We looked into all of the child care options when we found out I was pregnant, and none of them felt right to us. The idea of dropping Lucas off at day care every day and missing out on so many hours of his week was just heartbreaking to me. That thought alone made it an easy decision for us and even though it has required some lifestyle changes I wouldn't have it any other way!

Having said that, I do plan to go back to work part time in a couple of years once Lucas is old enough to be in more of a preschool type setting. I'm an RN and want to work enough hours to keep my license renewed however, I am in no hurry : )

jemasa33 · July 2013

I had thought about the option of being a SAHM with DS. I believe the best time to make the decision is during maternity leave. At that time, I realized how much I missed work and could not foresee myself staying home. I truly enjoy leaving the house every day to go to my job, although I do miss my son.

eggymaye · July 2013

It was serendipity for us. I had lost my job and then suffered a loss at 21 weeks. When I was ready to get back to work, I found out I was pregnant with DS. We could afford for me to stay home so I chose to do that. Just when I was ready to go back to work again I got pregnant with DD. She is the last baby we are going to have and I think I will look for a parttime or work from home job when she is ready to go to preschool.

bobcee · July 2013

jemasa33:
I had thought about the option of being a SAHM with DS. nbsp;I believe the best time to make the decision is during maternity leave. nbsp;At that time, I realized how much I missed work and could not foresee myself staying home. nbsp;I truly enjoy leaving the house every day to go to my job, although I do miss my son.

I feel this way. I just couldn't imagine staying home 24 7. It's a lot harder than you think and not for me. I give major props to all the SAHMs. I love my DD with all my heart but I just need that time to get away, the adult interaction, the feeling that I am putting my education and all I worked so hard for to use, etc... Plus I wasn't willing to give up the lifestyle I was used to living which I definitely would need to do if we went down to one income. I also feel like being away from us and the interaction DD gets from daycare is helping her blossom into a wonderful little girl.

KERJF · July 2013

For us - it cost more to put DD in daycare than it would for me to go back to the job I was at.

Yes, I could have found something that paid more - but DH knew how much it meant to me to be able to stay at home (my mom stayed at home and I really loved having her there for everything). We have made quite a bit of changes - we ditched cable all together (we use a roku - netflix and hulu+ instead), Ive been getting now more into couponing. We cloth diaper/wipes, cloth 'paper' towels, we dont take fancy vacations like friends of ours do (not that we really ever have, we took our honeymoon and then DD was conceived a month later). We dont buy stuff we dont need.

I just knew that whatever it took -I would do. I do have my own photography business on the side, but doing that wasnt something I took lightly since for me, its not just a "money maker" as some new photographers see it. That doesnt bring in a ton of money since I keep it part time - but it normally brings enough to pay my student loans each month.

aehamilton13 · July 2013

Thanks for all the replies. I love hearing the different perspectives. I expect it's a decision we won't make until I've been on mat leave for awhile and have a better idea of if I like being home or not. I'm in Canada, so I get a full year's leave, so that will really give me some perspective!

new2011mommy · July 2013

I work from home without any help so for the last two years, I have worked and took care of DS. I love spending my day with DS. I work 4 days a week and my favorite is my day off. DS and I go to a class at the little gym and then I plan a fun activity in the afternoon for DS. Now with two kids, I need to hire a part time mother's helper since I do work. I hate the idea of it and just want to not work. DH just got a new job with a good raise. We need to pay off a few things and then I can stop working. I cannot wait. I am going to cut every corner I can to save our money faster and get me to be able to quit sooner. I say if you can swing it financially, then do it.

sonflower1427 · July 2013

We had always said I would stay home once we had kids, and I agreed to it, but didn't know if I would like it. Honestly, as soon as I had my first child, I knew there was no way I would be able to leave him with anyone else all day every week day. You just kind of know once they get here.

PrimRoseMama · July 2013

I hated my job and wasn't paid what I was worth. I always wanted to SAHM and we planned for it when we got engaged/married. It was built into our family and financial planning for babies.

mandmh05 · July 2013

I was not planning on being a sahm. I actually had my dream job in a pretty hard field to get into. It didn't pay a lot, my paycheck would have gone to daycare and that's about it. My husbands job relocated us when DD was 10 weeks and I resented my husband for a long time and hated staying home. Once DD was old enough to interact with and enjoy getting out, I really started to love it and don't miss my old job much anymore. Like other people said, be sure to get out of the house frequently or it can be tough.

Tara*N*Chris · July 2013

Staying home was very important to me. Before getting married I let DH know how much I wanted to stay home if possible. That meant waiting a little longer to TTC so financially we could afford it, but to me it is worth it. I love being home with DS and could not imagine leaving him everyday. That being said, I understand when some people say it is not for them. It is a 24/7 job and a little crazy sone days, and I only have 1 right now, not sure how it will go when I have 2 14 months apart!

Kitten80 · July 2013

We both had SAHMs and loved it so we wanted a SAHP for our children and DH with a lesser degree makes almost double what I make with a Master's. While I loved the families I worked with and my co-workers, my bosses had gotten shady so it was a good time to exit anyhow and because we didn't get paid if a family didn't show and the way my schedule worked my kid(s) would have been in daycare as much as 12 hours a day and on bad illness/cancel weeks, I would have been paying more than I was making - all of this sealed the deal. Because we don't have a friend/family sitter situation or a swap situation, I would have to pay for a sitter to do part time, and it isn't worth it.

I also couldn't imagine leaving them when I hit the "return" point, so I was glad we had planned on my SAH.

M0ON · July 2013

I hated growing up in daycare, and my mom is still heartbroken that she wasnt able to stay at home with me.

Now that I'm about to be a mom, I feel like theres nothing I can buy with money that could ever replace all the time I'll get to spend with my kid(s), the things I'll get to teach them, etc.

Do you need to make a permanent choice right away? Can you take an extended leave to see if staying at home is a good fit for you?

Jenniferinspain · July 2013

I think maternity leave is a good time to decide like pp. I also give props to sahms. I like work and don't think I could cut it at home. I am a teacher and am ready at the end of silummer to go back. Luckily we have a friend who watches the kids so I don't have to worry.

redhead610 · July 2013

I have always wanted to be a sahm. For the past few years i have worked two part time jobs for about 45 hrs per week. My one job didn't pay too much hourly, so if I had keptit, I would have paid more in daycare costs than i would make, so it wasn't worth it to us. My other part time job is only about 12 hrs per week and is flexible on when I can get things done, and I can work from home or go into my office on dh's days off.
Ds is only 6 days old so I don't have much insight yet on actually being a sahm!

aehamilton13 · July 2013

Thank you so much for sharing your story, everyone. I found it really helpful to read through them. We don't need to make a decision right away, and I will need to go back to work at least for awhile because of my mat leave benefits, so it will allow me to experience both being off this year and working for a bit to see how that is. I can't imagine not working, but I know my perspective will totally change once Hunter arrives and I experience being a mom. I want to make the best decision for our family.

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