Attachment Parenting

XP: Breaking nurse to sleep association for toddler.

I also posted this on the BFing board, but since we co-sleep I thought maybe ladies here would have tips as well. TIA :) 

DS is 18 months old I feel like I spend more time of my day trying to get DS to sleep and stay asleep than anything else, both at nap and bedtime. I can't get anything done at night, because I am constantly going back in to put him to sleep until we bring him into bed with us when we go to bed. DH will try to get him back to sleep, but DS will work himself up so badly that I have to go in and nurse him. Or I will go to bed with him and read or sit on the computer. It does not make it easy to spend time with DH after DS goes to bed. Or heck, to even have a hour or two to myself!

We have problems putting him down to sleep, whether it is DH after rocking him or me after rocking/nursing. He will freak out if he wakes up and realizes that he is being laid on his bed. It is rare when I am able to put him back to sleep without nursing. Like, put-it-in-the-baby-book-milestone rare. On an average night, he will wake up 4-6 times before he comes to bed with us. Even after he is in our bed, he will still wake up several times and wants to nurse.

I am exhausted and close to a mental melt down. My patience has disappeared and I snap at nothing. I am starting to resent nursing because I feel like I screwed up by always nursing him to sleep when he was younger, even though I loved it. We want to wean because nursing is making me miserable, but we are worried about how it will affect sleep. 

Any help would be great! 

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Re: XP: Breaking nurse to sleep association for toddler.

  • DS1 was the same way so at a year old I super baby proofed his room and set up a floor bed. I put a gate in the doorway. I nursed him while lying down on the bed with him and used the Pantley pull off to break the nursing to sleep association. When that was complete, I did the sleep lady shuffle to get him used to falling asleep on his own. When he was reliably going to bed on his own, I used the super nanny stay in bed technique when he got out of bed. We had very minimal crying and no CIO. If he seems scared or upset and crying I always go and rub his back and help him settle but he went from 4-6 wake ups to none or 1.
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  • My DS (13 mos) is very similar, the second his head touches the bed his eyes pop open and he starts crying.

     Usually I don't try to put him to bed unless I'm nearly ready to go to sleep too. Then I'll nurse him to sleep and read for a little bit while in bed (we also co-sleep). Sometimes, if' he's deeply asleep I'll sneak out of bed and sit up with DH for a little bit, but not often. I swear DS can smell when I'm gone!

     Honestly I'm not in any rush to have him sleep on his own, or to quit nursing. It gets annoying sometimes, and it can be hard being the one who has to put him to bed every single night, but I like having the time to myself to read quietly. 

     Sorry, I know that doesn't really answer your question. 

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  • I cannot offer much help. I nursed DS till he was 20 months due to him usin me as a paci to fall asleep. We cosleeped because of it. It was easier. It was hard but we finally broke him of it after about 2 weeks of making him fall asleep with us other ways without my breast. He still cosleeps with us because I got pregnant and did not have the energy to finish weaning him into his toddler bed but at least he is weaned from the boob!! Goodluck!!
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  • Does he sleep in a crib or a bed? We lay by our kids while they fall asleep. Both of then would fall asleep either on our big bed, a twin mattress or a toddler bed we could both fit in. That way you can get up and not have to transfer him. Do you use a noise machine? I think that helps them relax and muffle noises of sneaking out.
    DS1 - Feb 2008

    DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)

  • Hang in there. I remember when Dd was that age and bedtime was ridiculous, like, up every hour ridiculous. I used the jay Gordon sleep training method which cut it down to 1-2 wakings, which I could handle.

    last week she suddenly decided she no longer wanted to bedshare and now sleeps in her twin bed. We still nurse to sleep, but its rare that it takes longer than 5 minutes.

    Im semi reay to wean, but terrified of never sleeping again, so I feel your pain! 

  • My son was the exact same way, I totally feel for you. 18 months to 2 years was an especially horrible sleep time for us. We nightweaned at 26 months because I got pregnant. We used Jay Gordon's method and some ideas from No Cry Sleep Solution rewards in the AM, etc.. It really wasn't too bad not even close to how bad I thought it would be and his sleep improved almost immediately. Sleep has been heavenly from ages 2.5 on he's now 3. Hang in there. I remember how horrible it was. Good luck.
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